My dad keeps asking me why Michael Jackson hooked up with a lesbian tennis player and had a child together. To this day I can't answer that question🤔
Last year for Easter my dad put my mother's underwear on his head at Easter lunch as joke, this year there were no pranks. 🐰Except, on Good Friday he brought my uncle and his family over to my place without telling me (with a belated birthday cake) and I was still in my pajamas and hungover. So that must have been the shithead thing he did for the holiday. 🤔
I've never felt like a Catholic, even though I was baptized and had Holy Communion, went to Catholic school for 12 years etc.It's just not me. And I've discovered the kids I grew up with and their families weren't nice people. My father's family are Protestant at best, mostly Atheist these days, including me. The Catholic beliefs and going to Church are something my mother... See More »
My dad makes fun of me for being a successful career woman and says I will end up having early menopause like the weirdo nuns he had in school.I told him I hope I have early menopause because I hate kids like him and he deserved every whack-on-the knuckles he got. Then I went and bought him some expensive fishing rods for Fathers' day! Why? 🫣 Maybe I will buy him a boat this year. 🤔
A homeless man approached me for money and said 'excuse me sister, a witch stole my forskin to make a potion for antivenom against the dragon-snake.'🤨
I'm the older woman now. Should I be flattered?I was in a book store browsing and overheard a couple of young guys, in their early 20s - college students, talking about some hot older chick and then realized they were talking about me.
My dad's favorite thing to do is changing the lyrics of original songs and making them crude.'Jumping for Your Farts' is a good example 🙄
My mother thinks it's good idea to paint her nails whilst driving her new Mercedes 🙄Mind you, she had been driving an unregistered car for a year. The only way she found this out was when she went to a showroom to buy a new car. 🤣
At the end of a bad day all I want is a wine and a smoke. On a good day all I want is a wine and smoke and a bottle of vodka.
Over Easter lunch this year, my dad wore a pair of my mom's underwear on his head as a Joke because he thought it would be funny 🥱 (1)
Having a funny dadMy parents got together having a conversation with a cigarette. My dad told my mom he knew how to light his farts like nobody's business while lighting her smoke.
I let my cat eat the scabs off my scalp from bleaching. And they get totally infected with puss because cats' mouths are full of bacteria. 🙀
My mother gave me baby dolls to play with when I was about 3 and I used to beat the crap out of them. Do you think that says something?I don't want kids and I've never liked babies.
A lot of people are complaining about 'the cost of living crisis.' Well I'm not, I'm doing ok as a high income earner.And now I laugh about those girls I went to school with who bullied me becuase they now have shithead husbands and are struggling with kids. They look like trash honestly- can't get their nails done and have their greys covered. 🤣
Is there such a thing as an 'evacuation disorder' instead of an eating disorder. I keep thin from using laxatives and cigarettes to shit it all out.
Have you watched the video clip for 'C'est la vie' by B'witched? The lead singer looks about 34 and she's going for a 15year old boy? 🤢 (2)
My dad once flatulated loudly when he was at Lincraft with my mother and Nan. They were both so embarrassed they almost died 🦘💨I almost died with laughter hearing that story! 🤣 (1)
I've baked a cake to take to my mom for Easter and forgot to put the eggs and sugar in the mixture 🫣 (1)
I went with my family to a Chinese restaurant for my birthday recently and my mother got so drunk we were almost kicked out 🤣
