My year-old nephew“Look,” he says after scribbling on a paper. Me: Oh, yeah! That’s so nice. 🥰 Him: *scribbles more* Look! 😠 Me: Yeah! That’s orange. 😊 Him: *switches to green marker and scribbles* Look! Me: Good job! 😁 Him: *scribbles loops* Look! 🧐 Me: Wow!...See More »
What do you call a 24 hour burger joint where the employees work and live in forever?Imagine a restaurant called Burgertory
I was singing Sinatra in the carAnd I was doing the horn section with my mouth like "BPHHRUHH BUUH BUUURR BUH BUUH" and I forgot I had the window down and some guy was on a run probably like who's this goober? 😂 I actually don't care
Q: How is Gym Jordan like Rudy The Red Nosed?A: Neither one can pass a bar… …but they sure can make it to the bottom of a bottle!
It's May, and yet I had to make a fire in the wood stoveThe planet is not warming, people. I wish it was!
My toilet humorI name my toilet Jim instead of John so I could tell my friends I went to the gym every day
Did you ever see a cat wearing a hat down by the bay?Did you ever see a goat rowing a boat down by the bay?