Had an existential crisis last night

I believe I basically found out that the reason why I have my spiritual "gift" is that there is no reason. It was completely random. This completely goes against my belief system that everything happens and is some way for a reason and really overwhelmed and confused me. And that "gift" I randomly have is a very dangerous one. It means I am easily prone to psychosis and must tread a thin line between sanity and insanity. It requires me to live with a constant level of careful analysis and rationalization to avoid slipping into delusion. In addition as I already know my "gift" unfortunately means I am vulnerable to unsavory entities and must exercise extreme caution (and not only that but self control as some of these entities can be very alluring) when utilizing it to avoid these.

I also confirmed that there is no way to break my bond with certain demonic entities until I die, basically. I already suspected that but it was hard news to take.

I was so agitated by it all last night I had to take a benzo to calm myself and finally sleep.

Anyways to most folks who haven't been following my posts none of this is going to make sense, sorry.

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grayhalo · 41-45, M

It's hard to comment without knowing your belief system or what your gift is. I believe that in the realm of demons and angels or light and dark beings, that while we may experience events and visitations, these are parts of a long game. We see the battles and not necessarily the long arc of the war and may not understand the moves on the chess board. Simply, we lack the necessary perspective because we don't see everything. Weather or not your gift is randomly assigned, it is still your choice on how to use it and if you use it. In your case it does not seem like something that you can just turn off, but you still have a say in the direction it takes you.

Hush92 · 26-30, F

@grayhalo I responded to one of the users who posted below about what my gift was. But thank you this was a very thoughtful response.

grayhalo · 41-45, M

@Hush92 Just read the explanation. I can see how it could make a life difficult.

MarkPaul · 26-30, M

It seems to me you are suffering from mental delusions, possibly as a way for your mind to distract you from aspects of reality you find overwhelming. It's probably going to be difficult for you get the help you need or the sympathy you desire from online posting. The sooner you seek professional assistance will probably be the better.

Hush92 · 26-30, F

@MarkPaul Oh my God mention anything about spirituality online and you're suddenly delusional 🙄 I'm not claiming to be the next messiah, or claiming aliens are trying to abduct me or that the government is spying on me.

Most of my beliefs are a widely accepted part of the new age belief system. They are shared by many. It is a belief system just like Christianity or Judaism, etc.

If you don't believe in it why bother posting on here?

I have already SEEN mental health professionals and like I already mentioned half tell me I'm ill and half have told me my problems are spiritual in nature. I believe it is a mix of both.

MarkPaul · 26-30, M

@Hush92 I have nothing against spirituality; I'm in the process of finding my spiritual way... based on God's true word. What you seem to be suggesting is some type of mental distraction or fantasy that is not reality-based. I can assure you there is nothing bible-based about what you are talking about.

You don't seem to be engaged in true spiritual study, so I think we can rule that out as a cause of your troubles. Mental health issues are usually least obvious to those suffering from those issues.

zonavar68 · 51-55, M

Watch out for Stella Immanuel in your dreams as she will send you off to have sex with demons on an astral plane and get inseminated with evil 'demon sperm'. ;-) Then cure you of all your evils (including covid-18/19/20) with hydroxychloroquine.

Hush92 · 26-30, F

@zonavar68 Haha oh dear. Don't worry I do my best to avoid demons. I wish they would do the same to me 😑

Budwick · 70-79, M

What gift are you complaining about?

Hush92 · 26-30, F

@Budwick I can sense and communicate with entities on the nonphysical realm. From ghosts to djinn to demons etc. I can Astral travel. Sometimes I get random visions of places on the Astral plane or of places here. I get flashbacks to past lives. I can see auras. Things of that nature. I'm just very spiritually aware I would say. My gift is related to perception, meaning I perceive more of existence than most. It's caused me a lot of problems since I was young. It took me a long time to be able to discern what reality was because my experience of it was so different in comparison to others. Sometimes I am still questioning.

Also I am not trying to complain about it. I was just pointing out the consequences of it I have learned. (Some of them I learned the hard way)

Budwick · 70-79, M

@Hush92 That / those are not gifts of the Holy Spirit.

Hush92 · 26-30, F

@Budwick Yes I just learned that. That it wasn't some God given gift that I have for a specific reason or purpose, I just randomly happen to be extremely spiritually perceptive. It is simply another challenge in my life and one that must be faced with rationality and self control, which is not always easy.

MartinTheFirst · 22-25, M

Have you been diagnozed with schizophrenia or something similar? If you haven't I strongly advice you to get it checked out right away, this might just give you all the answers you seek for these things.

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Hush92 · 26-30, F

@MartinTheFirst Oh my god you don't know the first thing about me. I have a complex belief system based on a number of established religions as well as new age teachings. I had ONE belief shaken, the idea that everything happens for a reason.

I have already sought medical help. Once again you are accomplishing nothing.

MartinTheFirst · 22-25, M

@Hush92 You have complex delusions, there's a difference.

Hush92 · 26-30, F

@MartinTheFirst "I don't agree with your beliefs so they're delusions"

Seriously why are you still commenting? What are you hoping to gain from this?

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