Had an existential crisis last night

I believe I basically found out that the reason why I have my spiritual "gift" is that there is no reason. It was completely random. This completely goes against my belief system that everything happens and is some way for a reason and really overwhelmed and confused me. And that "gift" I randomly have is a very dangerous one. It means I am easily prone to psychosis and must tread a thin line between sanity and insanity. It requires me to live with a constant level of careful analysis and rationalization to avoid slipping into delusion. In addition as I already know my "gift" unfortunately means I am vulnerable to unsavory entities and must exercise extreme caution (and not only that but self control as some of these entities can be very alluring) when utilizing it to avoid these.

I also confirmed that there is no way to break my bond with certain demonic entities until I die, basically. I already suspected that but it was hard news to take.

I was so agitated by it all last night I had to take a benzo to calm myself and finally sleep.

Anyways to most folks who haven't been following my posts none of this is going to make sense, sorry.

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MarkPaul · 26-30, M

It seems to me you are suffering from mental delusions, possibly as a way for your mind to distract you from aspects of reality you find overwhelming. It's probably going to be difficult for you get the help you need or the sympathy you desire from online posting. The sooner you seek professional assistance will probably be the better.

Ananke · 26-30, F

@MarkPaul Oh my God mention anything about spirituality online and you're suddenly delusional 🙄 I'm not claiming to be the next messiah, or claiming aliens are trying to abduct me or that the government is spying on me.

Most of my beliefs are a widely accepted part of the new age belief system. They are shared by many. It is a belief system just like Christianity or Judaism, etc.

If you don't believe in it why bother posting on here?

I have already SEEN mental health professionals and like I already mentioned half tell me I'm ill and half have told me my problems are spiritual in nature. I believe it is a mix of both.

MarkPaul · 26-30, M

@Ananke I have nothing against spirituality; I'm in the process of finding my spiritual way... based on God's true word. What you seem to be suggesting is some type of mental distraction or fantasy that is not reality-based. I can assure you there is nothing bible-based about what you are talking about.

You don't seem to be engaged in true spiritual study, so I think we can rule that out as a cause of your troubles. Mental health issues are usually least obvious to those suffering from those issues.