Had an existential crisis last night

I believe I basically found out that the reason why I have my spiritual "gift" is that there is no reason. It was completely random. This completely goes against my belief system that everything happens and is some way for a reason and really overwhelmed and confused me. And that "gift" I randomly have is a very dangerous one. It means I am easily prone to psychosis and must tread a thin line between sanity and insanity. It requires me to live with a constant level of careful analysis and rationalization to avoid slipping into delusion. In addition as I already know my "gift" unfortunately means I am vulnerable to unsavory entities and must exercise extreme caution (and not only that but self control as some of these entities can be very alluring) when utilizing it to avoid these.

I also confirmed that there is no way to break my bond with certain demonic entities until I die, basically. I already suspected that but it was hard news to take.

I was so agitated by it all last night I had to take a benzo to calm myself and finally sleep.

Anyways to most folks who haven't been following my posts none of this is going to make sense, sorry.

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MartinTheFirst · 26-30, M

Have you been diagnozed with schizophrenia or something similar? If you haven't I strongly advice you to get it checked out right away, this might just give you all the answers you seek for these things.

Ananke · 26-30, F

@MartinTheFirst I've been diagnosed with all kinds of things but it seems to be 50/50 among mental health professionals whether I have a mental illness or spiritual problems.

I've decided I have both and have spent my life discerning between the two. I do believe some of my experiences have been psychosis. But others I believe have been real.

While it may surprise you numerous people share similar spiritual beliefs and have unique experiences and do not qualify as being diagnosable with any sort of mental illness.

MartinTheFirst · 26-30, M

@Ananke Mental health [b]professionals[/b] would never suggest it being spiritual problems lol.

What you're describing is clearly a case of schizophrenia. It's a bad mental disease to have, because while I am telling you this right now that what you're describing sounds mentally insane and there's no possible way in the world that any of what you're saying is real and anything besides a delusion, you will still think it's real.

People with schizophrenia can not discern reality from their imagination, and there's plenty of people who suffer it. Usually their delusions take on a spiritual nature because there's no other real way to explain it other than that they're clinically insane.

Ananke · 26-30, F

@MartinTheFirst That's cool that you don't believe in spiritual things and haven't experienced it. I don't believe you're a doctor so you may not want to go around throwing diagnoses around the internet.

MartinTheFirst · 26-30, M

@Ananke I am religious, I believe in spiritual things. What you believe you see and hear are not.

Ananke · 26-30, F

@MartinTheFirst Ok so because it doesn't fit in with your belief system its mental illness?

MartinTheFirst · 26-30, M

@Ananke See, you're trying to rationalize it as if what any of you said sounds perfectly sane... No, because of the reason alone that what you're describing sounds like a very serious mental illness to any sane human being, I believe it's a mental illness.

Ananke · 26-30, F

@MartinTheFirst It sounds insane to you but there are plenty of people who believe in reincarnation, spirits, djinn are actually a big part of Islamic belief, astral travel, etc. Just because YOU haven't heard of it and/or it's not a part of YOUR belief system does not mean it is insane.

You coming on here insulting my belief system is not accomplishing anything.

MartinTheFirst · 26-30, M

@Ananke You don't have a belief "system", you even said in your post that your entire belief system was just overthrown by one of your newer delusions. That should be a very telling sign. Seek medical help.

Ananke · 26-30, F

@MartinTheFirst Oh my god you don't know the first thing about me. I have a complex belief system based on a number of established religions as well as new age teachings. I had ONE belief shaken, the idea that everything happens for a reason.

I have already sought medical help. Once again you are accomplishing nothing.

MartinTheFirst · 26-30, M

@Ananke You have complex delusions, there's a difference.

Ananke · 26-30, F

@MartinTheFirst "I don't agree with your beliefs so they're delusions"

Seriously why are you still commenting? What are you hoping to gain from this?