Had an existential crisis last night

I believe I basically found out that the reason why I have my spiritual "gift" is that there is no reason. It was completely random. This completely goes against my belief system that everything happens and is some way for a reason and really overwhelmed and confused me. And that "gift" I randomly have is a very dangerous one. It means I am easily prone to psychosis and must tread a thin line between sanity and insanity. It requires me to live with a constant level of careful analysis and rationalization to avoid slipping into delusion. In addition as I already know my "gift" unfortunately means I am vulnerable to unsavory entities and must exercise extreme caution (and not only that but self control as some of these entities can be very alluring) when utilizing it to avoid these.

I also confirmed that there is no way to break my bond with certain demonic entities until I die, basically. I already suspected that but it was hard news to take.

I was so agitated by it all last night I had to take a benzo to calm myself and finally sleep.

Anyways to most folks who haven't been following my posts none of this is going to make sense, sorry.

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grayhalo · 41-45, M

It's hard to comment without knowing your belief system or what your gift is. I believe that in the realm of demons and angels or light and dark beings, that while we may experience events and visitations, these are parts of a long game. We see the battles and not necessarily the long arc of the war and may not understand the moves on the chess board. Simply, we lack the necessary perspective because we don't see everything. Weather or not your gift is randomly assigned, it is still your choice on how to use it and if you use it. In your case it does not seem like something that you can just turn off, but you still have a say in the direction it takes you.

Ananke · 26-30, F

@grayhalo I responded to one of the users who posted below about what my gift was. But thank you this was a very thoughtful response.

grayhalo · 41-45, M

@Ananke Just read the explanation. I can see how it could make a life difficult.