Only logged in members can reply and interact with the post.
Join SimilarWorlds today »

I need some advice 🥺

I showed my therapist the conversation I had with the guy that groomed me and my friends. And the conversation my friend sent me.. I also told her about what he did..

Now, she asked if I’ve ever reported him, I said no, she then said that we’ll talk more about it next week, but that reporting him is an option, and specially since I have evidence..

I’ve never seen it as an option, cause it’s so long ago, and the thought of talking to the police literally gives me anxiety..

Also.. He has a kid now. What if I report and that ruins her life? And what if he’s changed, and actually is a good person now and then I ruin that. Aaaaand he’s tried to kill himself 7 times, one of them he blamed me for, what if he does it and it’s my fault..

My head is spinning..

And what can they even do?
DunningKruger · 56-60, M
Stop worrying about him. Stop worrying about his kid. Stop worrying about anyone else. What is it that you need to be able to move on from this? Do you need to report him? Will that help you find resolution and inner peace? Then do that. Will forgiving him in your heart give you comfort? Then do that.

Your only concern — indeed, your only responsibility in this situation — is to yourself. You were the one hurt. What do you think will help you find relief from that pain?
NotCassieeee · 26-30, F
@DunningKruger I know I care way too much about other people, even if they hurt me.. 😣 I don't know what will help me, I thought confronting him would help, it didn't.. I'm also thinking that it could've been worse, so maybe it's not a big deal, or that the police won't find it to be a big deal or something..
DunningKruger · 56-60, M
@NotCassieeee It's a sad reality that this sort of crime often doesn't get prosecuted, especially after this much time has passed. Caring for other people is not a bad thing, but even so, you have to prioritize yourself sometimes.

I hope that you are able to find whatever it is that you need in order to heal your wounds. Life is too short to spend it in pain.
They may be able to prosecute him but it's obviously not guaranteed. That aside, he made his bed and whatever is visited upon his life is his doing. You should not feel at all responsible for his downfall by holding him to account for his actions. If I go out and kill someone and I have a child then it's my fault if I go to prison and leave my child without a father. It's not the victim's fault.

What you could do is to seek legal advice from a lawyer. They might be able to advise you on the realistic chance of a successful prosecution, were you to take this to the police.
NotCassieeee · 26-30, F
@InfoTunaBotGod Yes, but this happened so long ago, and I was 2yrs when my dad was arrested, can't imagine doing that to her. But then I'm also thinking what if he's not changed.. 😣 I'll talk about it with my therapist next week, see what she says🥺
First off, I would advise you to completely discount everything he tells you about himself. He's had success manipulating you in the past, and manipulation is one of his favorite methods, so mistrust what he tells you. Problem is recidivism rates are pretty high among child molesters. So he may just be trying to buy more time to molest more girls. Based on recidivism stats it's not unlikely.

Your concerns are valid concerns. But I think they each have balancing concerns.

What if reporting him wrecks his life? How many lives has he wrecked already? How many more might he wreck?

What about his child? Could go either way - he could turn into a good dad, or he could molest his own daughter.

What if he commits suicide? That's his choice. If he's like Epstein and can't live in a world where he can't molest, then suicide may be best all around.

Ultimately, you are not responsible for either his behavior OR how society deals with it. Ultimately, he's already chosen his path in life - repeated molestation of multiple victims. If he's cleaned up his life, if he's become a good dad, a judge will take that into account in sentencing if he gets convicted. If he's continuing his pattern, then you are doing your community a GIANT favor by reporting and putting a stop to his monstrous behavior.
Quimliqer · 61-69, MVIP
Remember, whatever he does is NOT your fault!!!
Reporting him will bring some uncomfortable moments, but all in all it’s the right thing to do.
NotCassieeee · 26-30, F
@Quimliqer I know, but I would still feel so guilty! I've felt so bad about his attempted suicide, and I was a kid then...
cherokeepatti · 61-69, F
You could report him and even though he’s not charged and convicted he could be on the radar for the local police if something came up such as someone matching his description was hanging around a school or trying to pick up a student waiting at a bus stop. My nephew was abused by a neighbor who had adopted twins and was using them for bait. My sister didn’t know this until the boy grew up and ended up in prison on drug charges. I asked her if he had ever reported this guy. And she said no. I asked her if she reported him to police, she said no her son didn’t want to file charges. I told her pedophiles are predators and living right around the corner from her on the same street with a school down the road he was probably going to continue and she needed to think about that if she let him slide. Last I heard he was living way out in the country because it’s illegal for sex offenders to be living close to schools, daycare centers, or parks. I believe she did report him & they had something on him.
TexChik · F
That’s retribution and doesn’t help anything. Now if he’s an active sexual predator then sure, but no prosecutor is going to touch that case
NotCassieeee · 26-30, F
@TexChik I'm not sure if he is, but it's not that long ago that he told my friend that if he could turn back time he would go back to do it all over again. And when she mentioned that he gave alcohol to kids, he laughed and said that he got something at least.. I'm worried about him having a daughter and working with kids, but maybe people can change..
TexChik · F
@NotCassieeee you going back there is only going to insure your ptsd becomes more active . I would avoid that like the plague . This is about you feeling better .
Justferfuun1 · 41-45, M
Remember, if you decided to report him, it's his own actions coming back to haunt him. They have certainly haunted you. Whatever the result, it's his behavior that is in question.
Longleggedlady · 31-35, F
The guilty party is him not you, in this.
There is a saying a leopard doesn't change his spots, by not acting you could actually be enabling him to do the same to another young girl time and time again.
Inform the authories about what you know about him let them decide what course of action they need to follow, you said he has a child she could be his next victim. I know a young woman whose own father raped her almost daily from the age of 16 and fiddled on her for several years before that.
Classified · M
Best to talk it over with your therapist, I think. I think it's unlikely that such people change, but your therapist may know a lot more about that. My guess would be that society is safer with him in prison.

He tried to kill himself 7 times years back and still is alive on this day? Any permanent injury from those attempts? Are you sure those were real attempts? It may be part of a manipulation scheme. I'm no expert on this, but it feels fishy.
Havesomefun2 · 56-60, M
Maybe he will ruin his kids life all I will say is go with your head not your heart
Virgo79 · 61-69, M
You can always look at like, will the next victum, or the next
It would be his fault. You deserve closure.
ElderE · 61-69, M
I agree with others. You need to do whstever it is that lets you move on with inner peace. How it affects him is secondary, at best. You need to only condider each option and hiw it will affect your mental state. How it affects him and his family is not the primary concern. You are.
What ruined her life was being cursed with a pedophile father youre saving her and her little girls friends cuz one day they will be young teens like he likes them i hope you see him burn and then he gets his day behind bars
Nanori · 31-35, F
All that aside, he gotta pay for what he did anyways
Kumar007 · 36-40, M
Dear,can we talk about dis in pm
I understand what you’re saying

I’m sorry you had to experience that - please remember you’re not the criminals here, it’s not yours to carry on your conscience it’s on his and Karma is ready when he least expects it.
NotCassieeee · 26-30, F
@PostOrganicChill Thank you 🥺
Of course, keep going 🌷@NotCassieeee
iamonfire696 · 36-40, F
It’s not for you to worry about his girlfriend or kid Cassie.

He’s the one that did all the bad things here. He’s the one that would do it all over again.

If it will help you to charge him then do it but if it’s going to cause more grief then don’t.

Either way, you need to work through this so it doesn’t consume your life. You deserve to be happy.
NotCassieeee · 26-30, F
@iamonfire696 I will talk to my therapist about it, but the look on her face when she was reading the messages kinda hurt^^ I think I struggle to believe in my own judgment..
iamonfire696 · 36-40, F
@NotCassieeee I understand stand this so well. When I have told people about things in my childhood or just my health struggles now and I think oh it’s no big deal and they look at me like “WTF, how are you coping”.

You just don’t realize yourself how bad things were and are because you have been surviving in it for so long that it’s normal to you.
This message was deleted.
NotCassieeee · 26-30, F
@ShenaniganFoodie You're walking on a thin line there bud
So what if it ruin his disgusting lie of a life. He did something that is very inappropriate and has hurt u and likely others. U should def report his dumb ass. He need to pay a lesson. Dont let him get off free and do it to others
NotCassieeee · 26-30, F
@Darksideinthenight2 I'm more worried about causing that pain to his gf and kid 🥺 It broke my family when my dad went to jail when I was 2.. I'm so torn 🥺
@NotCassieeee well u were 2 yrs old so that is very young.

Anyway his gf and the kid will be fine. U turn out fine. Ur dad going to jail didn't cause the trauma u been having.
It this sick bastard that help cause some of this trauma. And who know how many other countless women he cause this trauma too or worst. The guy need to be place in jail. Plus what he did he could easily do again if he havent already. So it best to report it iin all honesty. Again the kid and his gf will be fine. Plus she may be in trouble too and u be helping her out to get out of from under that relationship. He a creep and will always be a creep. So in all honesty u be doing them a huge favor..

But ultimately it u what will make u feel better. U going to therapy for u not for him or anyone else. Although yes he did help cause that inner pain. It u who have to make a choice of what best for u

Post Comment
18 people following
Cassieee's thoughts and stuff..
I don't always know what group to place my posts under, so I'll use this ^^
New Post
Group Members