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Letting go of the past… when the past won’t let go of you

Posted a new photo on social media. Feeling good and ready to start over. And then the next morning I get this email from an ex. Why do men fight harder to try to win you back after the relationship is over? Not when you are actually still in it. When you yourself still care and want to fix things. No, they think that it’s smart to try after your love is already fading away and when you accept there’s no changing his poor behaviours. After you realize that you deserve better and that you are actually happier with out them. Some advice for men. If you really do love her and don’t want to lose her. Put in the effort while she still cares to build a life with you, because once she stops caring.. there’s no fixing it.
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I have to agree with you here except i believe it happens both ways. Women have the same problems after a break up. Especially if it was their actions to cause the split. No relationship is perfect and in these days of internet access and such, it seems like it's too easy to see how easy it is to move on to greener pastures even though those pastures haven't proven to be any better. Hopefully we learn from our mistakes but mostly it seems we never do.
@DayDreamer3 sure old style commune
DayDreamer3 · 36-40, F
@looking4thesun yes exactly. Everyone would be happier living closer to nature and with less physical and mental clutter. Sign me up
@DayDreamer3 sounds idyllic. I would go in a flash
Renkon · M
Once you truly like something....like a favorite ice cream flavor....you’ll likely always carry that fondness. Even if there are moments it doesn’t appeal, like on a cold day with a sore throat, it returns when the time feels right....on a warm day, alone, craving comfort.

Relationships are similar. You were drawn to someone because of what you liked in them. When things go wrong, you leave because of what you couldn’t accept. But with distance, you often start missing the parts you loved....and forget the reasons you walked away.
Allelse · 36-40, M
We're creatures of time, our past our foundations. Even if you come to terms with it, you'll still find yourself waking up crying some mornings. Maybe we have to come to terms with that too, and be alright with that.

One good thing to remember when you go out into the wild, is that you will fall over and you will get hurt. You can come to terms with that, but the scars still hurt, years after they've healed. I've got one on my left index finger from when an oyster split the skin, and just the other day, 5 years later, the skin pulled the wrong way and it didn't ache. It hurt. Only the pain wasn't like it was the day it happened, it was just different.

And people? People are the worst.
Men sometimes struggle to understand what they have before they lose it. Often realizing it once the relationship has ended, and then they try to make things right while we have already decided what's best for us.
Second chances are granted when behavior has changed.

Keep putting yourself first!
Wiseacre · F
I am currently reading Letting Go, but I don’t really like the book or recommend it bc i consider it a fallacy. We don’t let go of anything, bc it is encoded in our brain. What we can do is accept and replace.
DayDreamer3 · 36-40, F
@Wiseacre I am accepting. Not ready for the replacing part just yet. I understand what you mean. There’s truth in your words.
bowman81 · M
@Wiseacre everything changes who you are.
"We are the sum total of our life's experiences."
wonkywinky · 51-55, M
I once knew a girl who began the relationship,with me,she asked me out etc,so ok,we got something going,there was obviously something about me she liked.
All was well for about 3 weeks then one day she snapped like a dry twig,couldnt stand me,couldnt wait to go home.Like a caged animal almost.She rings me the next day and basically tells me she was sorry for starting it up and it was over.
So far so good....Only a few months later i find shes going round town asking my friends that she met if i was with anyone.....I wasnt but i told them to say yes...
Why are women like that?
masterofyou · 70-79, M
I don't know because I've been there too. It's just so hard to let go of everything you have been through.....
DayDreamer3 · 36-40, F
@masterofyou Sometimes holding on hurts you more.
masterofyou · 70-79, M
@DayDreamer3 You're right and everyone goes through this and tries to hold on, it's a tragic human response....
FreestyleArt · 36-40, M
The only problem for me I don't trust anyone anymore. That's a huge part of my past. I wish I can their hearts and mind so I don't have to be isolated all the time, instead of wasting my time to know them
DayDreamer3 · 36-40, F
@FreestyleArt Trust is earned. We shouldn’t be expected to give anyone our full trust until they prove they are trustworthy. I understand. I have a hard time trusting others too. Something that I heard once that resonated with me. “ you don’t need to learn how to trust. You need to learn where to put your trust.”
wonkywinky · 51-55, M
As a man i was screaming at this post.In which case i say "Why did you even bother with a particular guy?".Do girls not see the signs that maybe this charlie might not be right for me.Heres a tip girls,DONT start up a relationship with a man if you already have doubts.
What DO you want from a man?
Massageman · 70-79, M
Thank you. So true.
DanielsASJ · 36-40, M
It takes time and courage to move forward. But once step taken in forward direction, one should not look back, man or woman. Looking back will create a one sided relationship where one person will feel the burden of carrying relationship without his/her will.
DayDreamer3 · 36-40, F
@DanielsASJ very true!! Thanks friend 🫂
ChipmunkErnie · 70-79, M
To quote a famous woman, because:

"Don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone?"
peterlee · M
Good advise. Us guys must not take women for granted.They are our friends to nurture.
Northwest · M
you are actually happier. Be glad and move on. Men, or women, are not to take advice in the middle of it.
DayDreamer3 · 36-40, F
@Northwest I am.
Crazywaterspring · 61-69, M
He's your ex for good reasons. Block and move on. You deserve much better.
DayDreamer3 · 36-40, F
@Crazywaterspring I have him blocked on everything else already. I just didn’t think to do my email. You’re right though. I do deserve better. Thank you!
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luckranger71 · 51-55, M
Actions always speak louder than words in relationships. If his words have always been incongruent with his actions you have your answer.
luckranger71 · 51-55, M
@DayDreamer3 We all wish we did. It’s very human to want to believe in people we love.
DayDreamer3 · 36-40, F
@luckranger71 I need to stop doing that. I see the best in people and have faith that that’s who they really are but it’s not. When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
luckranger71 · 51-55, M
@DayDreamer3 you nailed it.
Because some men are not in love. They just miss the control.
caccoon · 36-40
It's the push and pull of an avoidant man. He needs therapy
DayDreamer3 · 36-40, F
@caccoon yes!! He is an avoidant. He says he is working on himself and that he will change. I hope that is true for his own sake and I wish him well in his journey but I am not falling for the lies anymore.
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DayDreamer3 · 36-40, F
@PinkMoon Exactly, that’s how it feels.
4meAndyou · F
He saw your photo, said to himself, "Wow! She looks pretty good? I had that. Let's see if she's dumb enough to take me back!" 🤣🤣🤣
DayDreamer3 · 36-40, F
@4meAndyou lol I grew a brain. I’m good now.
Livingwell · 61-69, M
People always want what they can't have. 🤷🏻‍♂
masterofyou · 70-79, M
You wouldn't have posted this if you didn't care just a little....
DayDreamer3 · 36-40, F
@masterofyou of course I care. I have a heart and emotions. I loved him very much and I gave so much of myself to him and the relationship. So I post this because I am venting my thoughts and emotions to all of you. Instead of giving him anymore attention, energy and love. I am moving on.
masterofyou · 70-79, M
@DayDreamer3 its good to vent but its still very hard to move on good luck to you hope you find the right one someday.....
DayDreamer3 · 36-40, F
@masterofyou Thank you. I wish you a life filled with happiness too.
Ferise1 · 46-50, M
We don’t know what we got till it’s gone, but our love usually stays for a long time

 
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