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zeframcochrane · 26-30, M
No?
Frankly it's really stupid. I've dated 2 black women and 1 Korean-Canadian woman in my life and neither time did I ever feel the need to discuss race until SHE brought it up.
I've also been asked if I have a preference for black women because apparently there are people who have only ever seen me with a black woman. Which is funny because I've dated TONS of white women and have crushes on white women, I've dated a Korean, I have feelings right now for a half-Caucasian half-Cree woman. The fact I fancied a few black women was just random.
I like Humans. If you're Human and you're really sweet, kind, accepting, warm, comforting and funny then odds are I'll like you.
I remember one of the black women I was dating on our second date she just out of nowhere asked me if I'd have a problem with us. It was funny because when I met her friends (who were predominantly black) I didn't have any problems, I felt welcomed and at home...it was ironically her sister who really had it in for me and didn't like me because I'm whiter than white. I'm a tall Germanic guy of German, French, British and Latvian decent. I felt kind of put off by that because I never once judged her for race and yet she really didn't seem to like her sister dating a white guy.
zeframcochrane · 26-30, M
@Mellowgirl Also I'm gonna add: I'm a virgin.
So I know what it's like to be either a fetish or something that everyone wants to run away from as soon as they see the real you.
Mellowgirl · 31-35, F
@zeframcochrane thank you for sharing this, it's important that you hear my experience and I hear yours I truly think that people make race weird and its always from a place of curiosity and fear.

We're normal like any other.
As are you.
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TurtlePink · 22-25, F
I dated my first white boy when I was 13, nobody had a problem with us at all that I know of. And plus we were 13, we had a bunch of other things we wanted to talk about and focus on 😏😏
But I have been in relationships with other races as an adult and race has been a subject. A lot of these white men be the first to ask if I date white people 🤦🏿‍♀️🤷🏿‍♀️ and so it kind of puts me in an awkward position because like bruh I don't care about what race you is bro, believe it or not. I know I get into a lot of discussions about race on here but in real life if you're cool, I don't fukin care what your race is.
Mellowgirl · 31-35, F
@DarkHeaven this saddens me and I really hope that you will find peace. I truly hope that you will have support when needed too you deserve it
@Mellowgirl I got my girl and my family. I live in a very traditional and conservative part of the US. We just be careful but both my family and her family by and large support us a couple.
@Mellowgirl She’s my forever. I’m good. 😊
hotarabgirl · 22-25, F
for me, it’s more of an ethnicity thing. things are pretty strict and traditional in my family. the only time i see race being brought up in a future relationship of mine is if it’s with a white man. my first boyfriend was a white guy and it wasn’t a really good experience. to this day, i still have moments where i realize there was a lot of fetishization and micro aggressions in that relationship. to be fair, we were really young. still doesn’t change anything about the way i feel around white guys. they’re either a hit or miss, especially in michigan.
EuphoricTurtle · 41-45, M
I had a girlfriend from Sweden who was half-swedish and half-ugandan, we eventually lived together for over a year, I don't remember really discussing how race affected our relationship.
Whenever the subject came up it was always something outside, like how Swedish people would always ask her where she was from but would automatically assume I was Swedish because I'm white. It may seem small but it really got to her.
Mellowgirl · 31-35, F
@EuphoricTurtle umm not from what she described. It was being excluded from things by other kids, questions about the food they eat and why they always ate rice. Why they spoke weird. Whether they could see properly.
People pulling her cheeks so they could inspect her gums.
Walking around seeing kids pulling their eyes back to form the shape of hers.
As they weren't exactly well off they had fashion clothes when they were almost on their way out of style obviously people commented on this.
In fact she was voted as ugliest girl in her class.

When she moved to the UK she started to dye her hair brown and blonde. Got braces and really fixed herself up. When she returned to Sweden, on a night out with her only friend in school she bumped into a bully from her class.
She said she was so shocked she was stuck to her like sh*t the whole night.
That was the first time she felt "special".

Sad!
EuphoricTurtle · 41-45, M
@Mellowgirl Sorry if I wasn't clear. I mean't messed up as in it was messed up she had to deal with that. As someone who also lived in the UK and who had people get confrontational with me just because I wasn't speaking english I still feel Sweden is one of the most accepting countries in Europe. But that's just based on my personal experience.
Mellowgirl · 31-35, F
@EuphoricTurtle fair enough never been myself so I wouldn't be able to say.
I have a friend there who is from Syria and he's inviting me to visit once it's safe to travel.
I’m Scandinavian and my girlfriend is black. We are an interracial lesbian couple but her family and mine are accepting. Society, not so much, though.
SoLeRiMix · 31-35, M
I am sorry! You met lots of nuisances! You still address them your ex-boyfriends but basis what you mentioned they don't deserve this title at all. Didn't they think over it before getting into relationship with you. Shame on them!

Hope you find the man of your choice soon! The one who likes you and accepts you the way you are. Good Luck!👍
Mellowgirl · 31-35, F
@SoLeRiMix I realise that I just don't get people.
I find I'm very mistrustful of others. These situations have only enhanced that.
I'm not entirely sure what to believe anymore.

A few weeks ago my manager told me I had to do a particular shift because. They're thinking of letting staff go. I didn't have shifts a whole week but now I'm back again. She's inappropriately been talking my business in front of other staff which makes them jealous of me.
Since a member of staff has resigned she's been complimenting me highlighting the clothes I wear.
I've seen the faces of the staff...

I feel awkward and it's left me questioning quite. A lot.

Being complimented like this isn't normal anymore along side being put under pressure I can only assume because people see my potential but being pushed feels like bullying and in all honesty I find it rather scary.

Having my race factored in has only made me retreat. I don't date and I don't even go out anymore.

I've been caught up in quite a few situations over the years where my best interests were not at heart.

Including my Asian ex saying he preferred me drunk as I'm more agreeable.
QueenandCrown · 41-45, F
@Mellowgirl If someone compliments you say thank you and keep it moving. Don't stifle yourself because of other people's insecurities.
DarkSideoftheMoon · 31-35, F
Tbh I grew up in a community where I was the minority and I'm white so I dont think about someone's skin color but the person they are on the inside and I know my family could care less if who I brought home was any race. It's about you as a person. I think segregation makes people ignorant and that's a big problem
AnthroKenji · 36-40, M
I got romanticized a few times. The notion of being with a Native American and then having half native babies was kinda odd. Mostly came from bilagaana women (white) and....I guess some pocohontas aspect, a disney like affect. Always found it odd. "He's a native american" or "He's an actual Indian"...mmm...
hippyjoe1955 · 61-69, M
I have never discussed race with my family. We are a multiracial family with Native, White and Asian members. No one cares what color skin the other person has.
hippyjoe1955 · 61-69, M
@Mellowgirl No problem. Are you in Canada?
Mellowgirl · 31-35, F
@hippyjoe1955 no UK! But it's a short walk 😂lol
hippyjoe1955 · 61-69, M
@Mellowgirl I have relatives over there so.....
Beatbox34 · 31-35, M
Never. My ex was an American and I never had to deal with that being an indian. My family didn't approve of it initially but it was because of the nature of the relationship.

Other than that they never judged anyone on the basis of race.
JupiterDreams · 31-35
Nah, I've been interested in several guys that were different races... My family surprisingly never complained. They were upset the one was agnostic but they kept mum about it 😬
QueenandCrown · 41-45, F
Once I had a Jewish guy tell me if we were to get married I need to pretend to be Jewish around his family.

I luv shrimp more than him.

Though I am dark, I've had men from all backgrounds interested in me. But the real question is, would I be interested in them?

The answer is probably not.
My preference is for an All American guy.
Mellowgirl · 31-35, F
@QueenandCrown the issue I have is why date me if you know it will be an issue or is that the point use me for fun, fill my head with false hope as it makes for a better reason to breakup!
Ugh!
QueenandCrown · 41-45, F
@Mellowgirl Because they are cruel and selfish. A lot of times when it's cultural reasons they are Cowards and too scared to deal with their families.
Ugh! They are soooo not worth your time. You are too good for them.
JoeyFoxx · 51-55, M
I had a serious crush on a black woman when I was in college. I asked her out. She said no... and pretty much confirmed that it was because I was white.

This was over 30 years ago. Times have changed.

But, maybe not as much as they should ...
Mellowgirl · 31-35, F
@JoeyFoxx I'd say the same if I approached a white man and he said I don't dare black girls. It's clear I know where I stand, would feel embarrassed and wouldn't push. And desperately hope he never speaks of it.
But to go as far as date me then humiliate me like mentioned above is completely unacceptable
JoeyFoxx · 51-55, M
@Mellowgirl all valid points.

:)
Mellowgirl · 31-35, F
@JoeyFoxx thanks
Mellowgirl · 31-35, F
Something I will add, this is an example that, in order for this issue to stop. This generation and the next has to make sure that this prejudice and questioning around race stops with the older generations.
I don't get how two people can get on only for it suddenly to be an issue around race, because what family make it real?
Lapochka · 31-35, F
There’s never been a need.
NickiHijab · F
This unfortunately doesn't surprise me
Mellowgirl · 31-35, F
@NickiHijab but what's most scary is the lack of acceptance even with my own.
Ryannnnnn · 31-35, M
Really? that's weird.
Mellowgirl · 31-35, F
@Ryannnnnn why?
Ryannnnnn · 31-35, M
@Mellowgirl Just the amount of people who think it has to be a thing lol. The way I see it is you either like somebody or you don't. People are weird.
Mellowgirl · 31-35, F
@Ryannnnnn I get it, we weren't compatible. That's all they needed to say but justifying various reasons mostly my race hurts. I've always been black why now would it suddenly be an issue.
uncalled4 · 56-60, M
I guess, at this point, I don't understand how people get hung up on race. I'm from a traditional, conservative family, but when my cousin married a black woman, no one cared about anything except if she treats my cousin well or not. She does, and her family are awesome. That's all that counts. Were a few eyebrows raised? Sure. Probably on both sides. But 5 minutes after meeting her family, everyone was sold. It should be as simple as that.
Mellowgirl · 31-35, F
@uncalled4 I have 2 aunts that are white and they have been in my family since before I was born. I knew nothing different and only ever called them aunty even if I couldnt say their names properly until I was speaking better lol. They've been there through all stages in my life they are my flesh and blood.
So this all seems very alien and extremely sad. Our lives are as they should be happy with them in it and its done nothing but prove that people and love is all that matter.
uncalled4 · 56-60, M
@Mellowgirl Exactly. Not everyone gets it, which just baffles me, but this is the world we live in.
It has come up in dating situations, but when I married, my husband’s mother was Afro-Cuban. He also had French-Haitian roots as I do. So we were a black couple.
TheLordOfHell · 41-45
Nah. I don't care what the lady's race is. Never been a thing for me
Mellowgirl · 31-35, F
@TheLordOfHell I always assumed by dating outside your race that would be something you'd question already and decide whether you really was interested. You know! Not when you start developing feelings.
TheLordOfHell · 41-45
@Mellowgirl Hey, ladies are ladies, regardless of skin tone.
Mellowgirl · 31-35, F
@TheLordOfHell same with men.
Mellowgirl · 31-35, F
@HopelessGuy what does that mean?
Human1000 · M
When I was in my dating years in the 90s I would have been more conflicted about having a black girlfriend. That was stupid and cowardly. Now, I'd not hesitate, especially as I'm more attracted in general, to black women than white women!
Human1000 · M
@Mellowgirl Because I couldn't have handled it? My bad about that...
Mellowgirl · 31-35, F
@Human1000 Well when we're young we're less likely to admit the truth. The anxiety could present itself in a really toxic way. Which in reality why should anyone be on the receiving end of.
In the context of race how can you ensure that you wouldn't have made a faux pas when trying to address the concerns?
Human1000 · M
@Mellowgirl Good point -- I don't think I was mature enough at the time, and the anxiety would have not been fair to her.
SW-User
Means it's scary to bring me home. !

What phucken backward country do you live in
SW-User
@Mellowgirl I'm a white Australian, with 2 native Americans on my back
[image deleted][image deleted]
SW-User
@Mellowgirl NO RACIST questions, answers or comments will ever been accepted at

[removed by staff]
Mellowgirl · 31-35, F
@SW-User if I found articles and present them they would provide evidence that the indigenous people of Australia have fought and struggled to live peacefully the same as what happens anywhere else that has been invaded.
That's not what this post was about.
I asked about where race was discussed in your intimate relationship. If you have an agenda to make this something else I'm sure there are plenty of posts that cater to that.
My uncle who lived and worked in Australia said that he did struggle in certain parts and although he wasn't ever attacked he was dismissed quite a lot, and it was only his colleague who was also his neighbour that lived a few doors down that helped him through his time there.
A lot of the colleagues just weren't interested until the last 6 months of him being there. Weird!
empanadas · 31-35, M
my family doesn't care about race. my family looks like the united nations building. they just want someone who is christian, preferably catholic. but with the woman's family, i might have to. if im in an interracial relationship
SW-User
Never. Although my first girlfriend was from a protestant family which did cause some questions to be raised. That issue is still sensitive here among some people. Though thankfully my parents aren't like that any more.
Mellowgirl · 31-35, F
@SW-User I find this really odd. You know in 2021
SW-User
@Mellowgirl Its just a hangup some people still have over here because of all the violence a few decades ago. Its not even really a religious thing. Its more a lack of trust between people from different backgrounds
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Mellowgirl · 31-35, F
@Threepio I hear you.
I will say this. I refer to se Asians as orientals but only because my se Asians have said that what we should call them so we could be clear on who I was talking about. And I must admit I was uncomfortable with it. These days I just say Asian, when pressed I say Chinese Asian.

 
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