Have you discussed race in your relationship?

In all my relationships there has been a discussion with me about race. Me being black. Means it's scary to bring me home.
Even in a black community it was about my hair.
Long good
Skin tone: maybe too dark.
If you're dark are you smart or rich?
Will I fit into the culture. Being Caribbean the African guys I was seeing decided they couldn't marry me.
And the Caribbean born men deemed me too English to really understand Caribbean culture.
My Turkish partner wanted us to be together but his mum asked if I'd convert to Islam and I said no but if we had kids they would learn of both sides and get to chose. Big fat no no!

My Asian ex kept pushing me to get a better job, when we spoke he started suggesting my job would mean he would no longer need to work and he could stay at home. But that would be the compromise because his family would disown him if we wed!
Ugh!

My Irish boyfriend well his parents were old and he just said that they would find it very uncomfortable.

All very off putting conversations which made me realise that I had a lot to lose by taking that leap of faith in someone considering these things in the first place.

Ever had to deal with this nonsense?

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TurtlePink · 22-25, F

I dated my first white boy when I was 13, nobody had a problem with us at all that I know of. And plus we were 13, we had a bunch of other things we wanted to talk about and focus on 😏😏
But I have been in relationships with other races as an adult and race has been a subject. A lot of these white men be the first to ask if I date white people 🤦🏿‍♀️🤷🏿‍♀️ and so it kind of puts me in an awkward position because like bruh I don't care about what race you is bro, believe it or not. I know I get into a lot of discussions about race on here but in real life if you're cool, I don't fukin care what your race is.

Bang5luts · M

@TurtlePink I have a thing for non racist women. Lol

TurtlePink · 22-25, F

but I bet you $20,000 if I was to ask them "do you mind that I'm Black" or "do you date Black people" they'd be like "i DoNt SeE cOlOr" or some lousy bullsh!t like that. When let's be honest, a vast majority of them have a fetish for Black women and our hips 🙄 so, you see the double standards? You see the hypocrisy I have to go through and deal with being the other race? It's frustrating when you're trying to do your part and not focus on race and they go and do that 🙄🤦🏿‍♀️. And so anytime one of y'all wants to sound all holy and sh!t and claim y'all magically don't see color, I don't buy it simply because of that. 🤷🏿‍♀️

Bang5luts · M

@TurtlePink I completely understand. Where I used to live with my dad when I was 13, we were the only white people living in that area. That's why race isn't an issue for me

QueenandCrown · 41-45, F

@TurtlePink I mainly date White men, but our issues never revolved around our cultural differences. It's usually outsiders who make dumb comments like if I was to bring up an issue we're having and they'll ask ' Oh, is it because he's white???

DarkHeaven ·

@TurtlePink That’s a good point. I’ve dated three at least partially black girls in my life including my current girlfriend because I’m highly attracted to their darker skin. I’ve only really dated black, white, Hispanic, and native but that’s mostly because of lack of opportunity. We don’t have much representation of other races, outside those where I live (such as Asian or middle eastern.) If someone told me they are not attracted to white girls, I really wouldn’t think twice. I’m also not attracted to men, but that doesn’t make me sexist because I’m gay. We just like what we like and are attracted to what attracts us. Period. If someone makes a judgment call on that person because of race, that is racist but we can’t help what we are attracted to. I don’t even think MLK wanted us to be colorblind. That’s stupid. We are different and it’s in those differences that the beautiful mosaic of the human race is found. We are literally stronger and more beautiful because of our differences. We just need to be judged on the content of our character, instead of by the color of our skin.

Mellowgirl · 31-35, F

@DarkHeaven it's funny, people are so afraid to talk about race but in actual fact it doesn't have to be devastating.
I guess what this shows, and sorry to just reply to you.
Is that the majority of people love people. Whatever form they come in. And actually it's a select few that make it difficult.
I do think that we let fears abd anxieties take over in instances of confrontation and that's something we need to all learn to get over.
Standing up for a belief is better than being beaten for cowardice.

DarkHeaven ·

@Mellowgirl I been fighting this fight a long time. I came out as gay around the time of the Mathew Shepard brutal beating and murder, and my girlfriend Toni was a beautiful black girl too. It was a very different time. I’ve literally been spit on because of who I choose to love. Things have gotten much better but very recently the very small minority has gotten much more aggressive and vocal. My girlfriend now and I, try to be very aware of our surroundings, just in case.

Mellowgirl · 31-35, F

@DarkHeaven this saddens me and I really hope that you will find peace. I truly hope that you will have support when needed too you deserve it

DarkHeaven ·

@Mellowgirl I got my girl and my family. I live in a very traditional and conservative part of the US. We just be careful but both my family and her family by and large support us a couple.

DarkHeaven ·

@Mellowgirl She’s my forever. I’m good. 😊