Have you discussed race in your relationship?

In all my relationships there has been a discussion with me about race. Me being black. Means it's scary to bring me home.
Even in a black community it was about my hair.
Long good
Skin tone: maybe too dark.
If you're dark are you smart or rich?
Will I fit into the culture. Being Caribbean the African guys I was seeing decided they couldn't marry me.
And the Caribbean born men deemed me too English to really understand Caribbean culture.
My Turkish partner wanted us to be together but his mum asked if I'd convert to Islam and I said no but if we had kids they would learn of both sides and get to chose. Big fat no no!

My Asian ex kept pushing me to get a better job, when we spoke he started suggesting my job would mean he would no longer need to work and he could stay at home. But that would be the compromise because his family would disown him if we wed!
Ugh!

My Irish boyfriend well his parents were old and he just said that they would find it very uncomfortable.

All very off putting conversations which made me realise that I had a lot to lose by taking that leap of faith in someone considering these things in the first place.

Ever had to deal with this nonsense?

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zeframcochrane · 26-30, M

No?
Frankly it's really stupid. I've dated 2 black women and 1 Korean-Canadian woman in my life and neither time did I ever feel the need to discuss race until SHE brought it up.
I've also been asked if I have a preference for black women because apparently there are people who have only ever seen me with a black woman. Which is funny because I've dated TONS of white women and have crushes on white women, I've dated a Korean, I have feelings right now for a half-Caucasian half-Cree woman. The fact I fancied a few black women was just random.
I like Humans. If you're Human and you're really sweet, kind, accepting, warm, comforting and funny then odds are I'll like you.
I remember one of the black women I was dating on our second date she just out of nowhere asked me if I'd have a problem with us. It was funny because when I met her friends (who were predominantly black) I didn't have any problems, I felt welcomed and at home...it was ironically her sister who really had it in for me and didn't like me because I'm whiter than white. I'm a tall Germanic guy of German, French, British and Latvian decent. I felt kind of put off by that because I never once judged her for race and yet she really didn't seem to like her sister dating a white guy.

Mellowgirl · 31-35, F

@zeframcochrane Yea, I think and from experience some "whiter than white types they only seem to want to date black to see what it's like.

I've had men approach me say things like," I've always wanted to date a black girl before but didn't know how to approach or never come in contact with one where I'm from!"

I'm not a fetish, your clumsiness talk isn't endearing and you just made me feel like an alien.
Also much like I mentioned above with the whole family thing, that can be problematic.

zeframcochrane · 26-30, M

@Mellowgirl Sorry they see you like that and I remember both the black women I dated pulled that out to me on the second date telling me that they dated white guys before who made them feel like fetishes.
All of the major loves in my life that I've had (I consider myself to have had four major loves in my life) have been white caucasian females typically well older than me. So when people see me dating a black woman and go "another one?" or "you have a thing for black girls, huh?" I get why because these are the people who haven't really seen much of my love life but at the same time...no, I've only dated 2 black women in my life and it's not a thing I actively seek out. I have no preference for race, I just like who I like.
If anything actually, ironically, the sister I mentioned of one of the girls made me feel like I was the fetish. I could overhear she and her sister talking at one point with her asking why she's been dating white guys recently and talking about how I had no substance.
Which, ouch.
I like to think I'm far from the "boring generic white guy" but I guess I have a white guy's perspective on things.

If anything actually as a "white than white guy" I actually find it really easy to talk to one of my female friends who is "whiter than white" like me and I have a crush on her. Ironically she's with a really awesome Asian guy.
I just don't think race should matter this much.
I'll worry about skin colour of who I'm dating when she turns green.
And even then I'm a weird dude, I'd probably still be down.

zeframcochrane · 26-30, M

@Mellowgirl Also I'm gonna add: I'm a virgin.
So I know what it's like to be either a fetish or something that everyone wants to run away from as soon as they see the real you.

Mellowgirl · 31-35, F

@zeframcochrane thank you for sharing this, it's important that you hear my experience and I hear yours I truly think that people make race weird and its always from a place of curiosity and fear.

We're normal like any other.
As are you.

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