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Rant,sad,Advice!??? Idk….

So yesterday I found out that some girl at my husbands work gave him her number and he text her and he said they just flirted I couldn’t actually see the messages… other than the ones he didn’t delete at the end something like “I decided I can’t go threw with this I don’t want to break my family over lust” it’s the 3rd time he’s done something like this. Non the less I’ve decided in time I can probably heal and get over this I mean we have 2 boys together and I don’t want to leave him over this. After all people arnt perfect and he did choose me and his family over and affair… but I hate that it even come that close to making a choice… his coworkers were encouraging him and he even went as far as to try to download app hiders and stuff which is how I found out.
Ontheroad · M
Okay, and this is from a man who has lived a long time, known many men, worked with hundreds of them, and has seen pretty much every type of relationship train wreck from its first stage until the head-on collision.

Given nothing changes, this behavior will continue and it will end up with him physically cheating. He is giving off signs (also flirting), etc., that he is available and looking, or he would not get into these almost did it situations.

If you don't talk to him about this, he will not change, and it may take more than talking... like marriage counseling or individual counseling, etc.

There are no excuses/reasons good enough, valid enough, or acceptable for this type of behavior.

Nip it in the bud.
hunkalove · 61-69, M
@Ontheroad Just like Thelma Lou did to Barney and Juanita.
in10RjFox · M
Mother of two at this age means that you married too early in life that makes you more reliant on him. But you have got the right perspective in life not to break up the family for lust

But it's not actually lust, but evolution of tasting everything that is trending. But you too have the right to see the world which you can exercise if you wish to rather than spending time on policing your spouse.

It's all an arrangement, where you can sit and decide a way forward. For e.g. you can say you would like to go and study for a few years and put children in a residential school or with grand parents or go for an employment elsewhere etc

Don't bottle up the feeling that you compromised everything for children and that you lost out on things, later in life.

Anticipate the worst and prepare in advance, as things are only going to get worse.
riseofthemachine · 41-45, M
God Almighty it's happening everywhere .
That's why I'm single 14 years .
I leaned from a painful experience 14 years ago , not being hard on you but your gonna be always on the alert button with your husband , even tho you have your own family .
See I learned very painful how not to trust people .
It's after leaving me shattered .
A lot work build my confidence or any goodness what I think about myself back up .
Will I tell you where it left me ?
A psyche ward .
I hope it works out for you .
I was 29 when it happened me .
Your 22-25 .
At that age your still maturing .
Adogslife · 61-69, M
Everyone flirts a little bit. It boosts the ego. However, sexting is a completely different story.

He is going to destroy your marriage. Thinking otherwise only digs you into a deeper hole. You’ll become reliant on him no matter what he does.

Hit him with some cold hard facts. Talk to a divorce lawyer and let him know the exact cost of alimony and child support. Tell him if he fucks up one more time, he’d better be ready to pay.

With that, you’ll have your answer.
AnonymousJSS · 22-25, F
THIRD TIME??
I understand you have kids and a family together but third time is a charm and it should prove to you now that apparently your husband is weak and lusts too much.

At this point think about respect for YOURSELF. Leave him, you’ll meet another great man, an even better one.
Bunnydisaster77 · 22-25, F
@AnonymousJSS I just feel like it’s my fault too… like I don’t give him the attention he needs cuz I’m always stressed out and in my head…non the less I’ve never looked for attention from anyone else……ironically when we first got together he told me if I ever cheated on him he would leave me no questions asked.
justanothername · 51-55, M
@Bunnydisaster77 It’s not your fault that your husband is flirting with a work colleague. He’s doing it because he knows that he can get away with it (only because you let him)
AngelKrish · 26-30, M
Keep eye on him and also be strict on him... openly give him warning that he shouldn't do anything wrong.... sometimes love is not enough to control things we need to be bit harsh!
smiler2012 · 56-60
@Bunnydisaster77 🤔whether his co worker encouraged this or not he is just as much at fault and as you say you have been down this road before . really you need actual facts he need to get his head straight and decide what he wants and should not be hurting you in this way with his deceipt
Midlifemale · 61-69, M
He obviously needs more female and probably sexual attention like most men do.
Start wearing sexy clothes around him. Meet him topless when he comes home from work..sleep nude...give him a blow job before and after work....no bra when you go out to restaurants
LilRedGod · 31-35, M
To me it sounds like he's leaving the "oops idk what I'm doing as a saved message to make u think it's all good he caught himself before fucking up!" But in reality he's actually smashing! Hate to say it but that's what it's really sounding like
Convivial · 26-30, F
One of my friends has a saying....I don't care where he gets his appetite, as long as he comes home for his meals ...
You 2 need to discuss limits and what's acceptable. And he needs to understand and respect your boundaries
Midlifemale · 61-69, M
Did he ever meet up with her and have sex or do sexting ?
Bunnydisaster77 · 22-25, F
@Midlifemale it would seem they just flirted and text back and forth but they talked about it and she didn’t care he has a family.
Midlifemale · 61-69, M
@Bunnydisaster77 sexting will be next then
basilfawlty89 · 31-35, M
If it's the third time, it doesn't sound good.
Odd are he's gonna cheat at some point if he hasn't already.

You need to decide what to do, but you definitely need to have a talk. I'd personally leave as infidelity is a deal breaker to me.
QuietEd2019 · 31-35, M
Third time he has cheated? One of those times was even when you were pregnant 3/4 years ago?
ViciDraco · 36-40, M
If it's the third time, he's going to keep at it. At this point you should leave him or figure out what rules are acceptable for you in an open marriage. Because he's going to keep doing this so long as you keep forgiving him. If you leave him, then you don't have to deal with it anymore, the bandaid is ripped off. If you open it, then maybe you can at least get some communication about who he is with and when so you at least know when you have to worry about STDs or him getting someone else pregnant.

You've just got to figure out what you can live with the best. I mean, you can always keep on going as you are, but that feels like the worst of both worlds to me.
justanothername · 51-55, M
How old is your husband and how old is the girl at his work?
Workerbee · 31-35, M
If you made it clear to him to stop fooling around and he still does it he doesn’t respect you 🤷🏾‍♂️🫤
candycane · 31-35, F
Talk with him. Seems like he's looking for a fun time, get a baby sitter and go have a sexy affair with your hubby
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