Asking
Only logged in members can reply and interact with the post.
Join SimilarWorlds for FREE »

Who is in the wrong and how do I handle this?

Me and my boyfriend recently got back together but we are having our first argument. He stated a friend from high school is visiting before he moves away for three years. But that him and his friends want to go clubbing. All of his friends are single except him. I told him I’m not comfortable with him going to a club. He told me “I’m gonna be honest, I’m gonna go regardless” and of course I got upset.
Basically he gave the choice of going home or keep spending the day with him after he said an apology. My therapist told me to get space when I am angry so I decided to go home. He proceeded to not speak to me the rest of the day. When I contacted him he said I disrespected him and his time. That he planned things but I ruined the plans with my immaturity. I feel like I’m right but maybe I’m wrong and I just don’t know how to handle this.
Luckylu · 61-69, F
You either trust him or you don’t. If you don’t trust him, do you really want to spend the rest of your life trying to control him by telling him where he can go and with whom? And where him and his friends can go? Sorry but that is a recipe for disaster. He is right in that you are disrespecting him. You are wrong in trying to control where he and his friends go and what they do. If you have an agreement of exclusivity then you need to trust that he will respect that. If he breaks it then you have a choice to make. It is obvious you don’t trust him so consider what message you are giving him. I would never stay in a relationship where he didn’t trust me or I didn’t trust him. Also, consider what message your actions gave him when you chose not to spend time with him and went home instead. I know your therapist told you to get distance but you basically told him he wasn’t worth your time to stay and try and heal the damage that was done. Healing would build a stronger connection. Leaving just creates a huge hole that might never be repaired. You are trying to put him in a cage because of your lack of trust. Believe me when I say that will only make him want to do exactly what you are afraid he will do. I wish you luck. You will need it to repair the damage already done.
campfireandstars · 41-45, M
this goes both ways, even when you want to do something he doesn't like. We all have a choice. i think you overreacted by blowing up being angry not on. What he is doing but on how he answered you. this isn't every weekend or weekday(based on post). the feelings you are feeling are what could happen not will happen. if you are still mad just for going out and you think something will happen join them this is your choice. You are his gf saying no to you joining is a red flag. if you don't go. there is no reason to be mad. this isn't an immaturity thing. this is a controlling and insecurity on your part. having no trust in your bf is a red flag for you on yourself. this why he answer you in the way he did(most men don't, they leave the relationship). you have no right to stop him from living his life and vice versa .
Convivial · 26-30, F
I think you both handled it badly tbh.

Do you have girls only time.... If so then let him have the equivalent.
@Convivial I like your last two sentences.
maythesunrise · 26-30, F
You just back together and have basically already told him that you trust him. I think you're in the wrong
Picklebobble2 · 56-60, M
So are you afraid he'll do something he shouldn't while out clubbing with his mates or are you just wanting to keep him away from his outside influences that aren't connected to you ?
Picklebobble2 · 56-60, M
@Lupepnte There'll likely be other women in those places too.
You think there's less chance of him cheating in that scenario ?
@Picklebobble2 i do, i feel like clubs are where you go to party with other singles or your partner. I wish it was respected opinion
Picklebobble2 · 56-60, M
@Lupepnte That is certainly a woman's perspective.
'why allow him the opportunity ?'
Look only you know how your man thinks.
From the question you posed it just sounds like 'a boys night out'.
Meeting up with friends. Going somewhere that plays godawful music; paying over the odds for drinks you don't really want; chatting to people in that environment; spending way over the odds for entry then coming away trying to kid yourself you've had a good time.
It's something of a boy's rite of passage. Especially if they're intending to settle down.
But if you suspect he's looking for the opportunity to cheat that suggests you don't entirely trust him to begin with
Anielka · F
You are definitely wrong, first of all he's just your boyfriend which means he's single too, second you're listening to your therapist someone who's paid to tell you what you want to hear.
Going clubbing isn’t something I care for but it’s never been synonymous with cheating. You clearly have trust issues you need to solve before you’re with anyone
looping · 18-21
he's already cheated, he wants to go with friends that are single. he's gonna cheat again. might as well dump him and move on with your life
SW-User
Nope you have every right to expresd your feelings . Sorry but he is a little controlling.
@SW-User he doesn’t like to take responsibility for his mistakes. He finds a way to get mad at me
meggie · F
Why don't you go out with a friend that night too? Everyone needs fruends and a night out every so often.
smileylovesgaming · 31-35, F
His friend is about to move why not let them hangout one last time. Seems a bit of a over reaction on your part
Fluffybull · F
You're in the wrong.
@Fluffybull May i ask why
smallsheep · 22-25
Change boyfriends pleaseeeee
Well let's turn it around .

You're going away for three years and he tells his friends , "hey I'm spending the night with her ", and they go , but dude...you're our buddy, what about us?
Should he stay with them instead?

What if it was one of your girlfriend's , and they asked you out coz they won't see you again for three years ?
Should he get angry cos you wanna go on a girl's night out with someone you won't see again for ages ?

Has he proven to be untrustworthy before ?
Is it him or is it your insecurity that is causing this distrust ?
And how can someone earn your trust if you don't give them the opportunity ?

Love isn't ownership of a whole person .
They [b][i]give [/i][/b] you their heart freely .
You hold it freely .

Is it love if you confine someone's life to your wants only ?

Love IS compromise between you both .
It's freedom with commitment .

Would you want to forced to ignore all your friends for him ?
This message was deleted by its author.
@Spoiledbrat he apologized after. Should I believe the first or the latter?

 
Post Comment