Who is in the wrong and how do I handle this?

Me and my boyfriend recently got back together but we are having our first argument. He stated a friend from high school is visiting before he moves away for three years. But that him and his friends want to go clubbing. All of his friends are single except him. I told him I’m not comfortable with him going to a club. He told me “I’m gonna be honest, I’m gonna go regardless” and of course I got upset.
Basically he gave the choice of going home or keep spending the day with him after he said an apology. My therapist told me to get space when I am angry so I decided to go home. He proceeded to not speak to me the rest of the day. When I contacted him he said I disrespected him and his time. That he planned things but I ruined the plans with my immaturity. I feel like I’m right but maybe I’m wrong and I just don’t know how to handle this.

This page is a permanent link to the reply below and its nested replies. See all post replies »

Luckylu · 61-69, F

You either trust him or you don’t. If you don’t trust him, do you really want to spend the rest of your life trying to control him by telling him where he can go and with whom? And where him and his friends can go? Sorry but that is a recipe for disaster. He is right in that you are disrespecting him. You are wrong in trying to control where he and his friends go and what they do. If you have an agreement of exclusivity then you need to trust that he will respect that. If he breaks it then you have a choice to make. It is obvious you don’t trust him so consider what message you are giving him. I would never stay in a relationship where he didn’t trust me or I didn’t trust him. Also, consider what message your actions gave him when you chose not to spend time with him and went home instead. I know your therapist told you to get distance but you basically told him he wasn’t worth your time to stay and try and heal the damage that was done. Healing would build a stronger connection. Leaving just creates a huge hole that might never be repaired. You are trying to put him in a cage because of your lack of trust. Believe me when I say that will only make him want to do exactly what you are afraid he will do. I wish you luck. You will need it to repair the damage already done.