Am I the bad guy?

My last boyfriend killed himself. You’re not responsible. You were honest and wonderful and were not the beginning of his decline. If he hurts himself it is purely on him.

Did you know about him being suicidal and in a bad mental health state in general before all that? It sounds like you did and by not telling him when he was already under stress you wanted to avoid this exact thing. If you didn't really know, I guess you sensed it in a way that this wouldn't go over well so you had to postpone it. I don't support lying but you did it for a better outcome for him. If you only cared about yourself, you would have told him without a second thought. I think that alone should prevent you from feeling so guilty. Anyway sometimes no matter how much we plan, people are unpredictable and this was the unavoidable thing to happen. Who can tell you it wouldn't happen sooner? Depression, substance abuse, suicidal thoughts etc are not the result of this kind of rejection, they're pre-existing. Not to mention you had already rejected him once, so he basically was waiting around for you to change your mind despite you being just friends with him. It was all building up from the beginning and I'm pretty sure there's more to his emotional baggage than that. You're definitely not a bad person because of this. I hope he gets serious help because fixing it doesn't really depend on you either. You can support as much as you can afford but the issue is greater than that.

Of course you did nothing wrong; if he can't accept being rejected, then he really shouldn't have asked in the first place. Hope he gets some help, nothing you can do will fix his problems.

You avoided a huge red flag

I don't see how that's your fault. He made those choices, not you. All you can do is be supportive of him as a friend, and if he can't deal with you as just a friend, it may be in all parties best interests for you to sever ties with him.

Looks pretty clear that he wanted your love and didn't get it. So, let him go

It is best to not be his friend. A lot of guys want deep and passionate love but struggle with how to properly work towards it or express it. This is what it looks like for a broken man, and it seems he has a lot of trauma, unhealthy coping patterns, and hopelessness he needs to overcome.

He should sort things out on his own. You shouldn't feel guilty because he has to learn to lead his life and sometimes he will not get something, even if he loves it a lot.

Be gentle with him but I advise you be serious with letting him go

None of that is your fault. Don't let him manipulate in such ways.

he has to settle his issues before he can have relationships and maybe he was not mature enough to be friends with someone he was just in love with. he was hoping the "be friends" time with give him time to plan a come-back on the romance. i've been there when I was that age, I'd get all insecure and do all these behaviors you mentioned , or similar. friendship in that state of mind is not very realistic. I have a friend that I really care for but she also is young and beautiful so I have to keep myself in check to not get too passionate, so what I do is I call her once a month, we hang out, then I call her a month later. perfect. if he could do that , then you two could be friends, but he's not there. be strait and direct with him : if he's gonna get all self-destructive because he can't handle being just friends then you will stop talking with him, its not fair to you to make you feel that pressure. making you feel responsible for his wellbeing is totally unfair to you, maybe reverse the table for him, ask him to imagine a girl who likes him romantically but he doesnt feel that way and then she get s all self-destructive and nuts, how would he feel?

You should have told him as soon as possible..

A person can miss out on opportunities with others.. trying to be loyal..

Life is circumstantial.. he needs to find new people in his life.. having you around might be nothing more than a reminder of the rejection.. even though I doubt he sounds like he’s healthy enough right now to realize what he needs..

Hopefully the proper influences come into his life and he finds someone new who values him the way he wishes to be valued..

Looks like you dodged a bullet, do you really want someone like that as a bf?

I quite agree with nerdy potato. He controls his fate, not you. Don't let him pull you into doubt & guilt, it's B.S.

you are not the bad guy, he is simply manipulating you, you deserve to be in a happy relationship

I think your reading way to much in to it no one did it but him he did not do it over a date or a relationship think hard about it

Ultimately that's his own problem and you managed to avoid a very problematic person which is good

You can't fix him, and it's not your fault that he lost his job, got back on drugs, etc.
He is responsible for his feelings and behaviours and no one else.

Grief is natural with loss, especially when feeling rejected by someone one loves.
But all of us must deal with accepting it at some point in our lives.

Addicts are highly manipulative. Don't let him guilt trip you.
Only he can heal himself; all others are powerless over his addictions.

His problem. Not yours. Cut ties. None of that is your fault.

He needs to man up and move on

You can’t. He’s in control.

You don't fix it. Because you had nothing to do with it. Some people can't handle their shit. It's just the way it is. Your call but you might want to think about removing yourself from his orbit. Not your responsibility.

Never take responsibility for that kinda thing.
Id block the guy and forget about him, tonne of red flags anyway, seems more like a stalker than a friend

You please just worry about you and your safety if need be call the cops and he will get help and dry up but your safety is first

That's not on you at all. It was kind that you considered his feelings though. But his actions are his own.

Some people use emotional manipulation to have control that is how my mom is.

Just walk away for your safety that’s what matters I would think and hope for you

The best you can do is ghost him. Completely. This isn’t on you

Ignore it. Not your fault or responsibility to save him.

You dont owe him anything.

Nothing you can do

Oh just tell him already

Not your problem

Damn

his actions are his own. not yours. stay with your bf and cut that other guy out of your life. you guys will NEVER be able to have a just friends relationship. he will always drag that shit around into everything.

Not your issue.

You did nothing wrong here. What he does is his own fault.

But you are not responsible for someone else's life. If he chose to drink, do drugs etc then he chose to do it, you played no part in it. He is clearly a weak individual who can't take responsibility for his own life.