Why do you bother to bring flowers and light candles in the cemetery? Do you do it for the living or for the dead?

I tend to the grave site to show I care for my loved one. I don’t forget them. In some way I still grieve, but have turned this grieving into a gift - flowers. Doing that helps me to move on and yet still feel I am showing love and remembrance.

Most people do not want to forget their loved one. Fresh flowers by a grave to me is a sign of respect and remembrance.

I still do it with my Dad. 💐

I don't, partially because of distances, but mostly because I believe, one way or another, my loved ones are not in the grave.

Here is how I see it.

For some people, symbols are rich with meaning and are an important way of relating to the world. For other people, this is not so true. And among those who relate to symbols, we don't all relate to them in the same contexts.

Putting flowers on a grave, saluting a flag, erecting a statue, can all be seen as "objectively" not changing anything. And yet, they might have a profound effect on the people who are relating to those flowers, that flag, or that statue.

As for me, I am very big on symbols. Yet I have to confess that this particular practice, putting flowers on graves, is not one that means a lot to me.

It is a way to honor and remember (for yourself) the one that passed. If for you that means going to their place of rest then so be it. It doesn't matter what others think.

Funerals aren't for the dead,they're for the living, and so are cementaries. However it's very cosy walking in a dark cementary and seeing all the warm candle lights.

reminds me of a story about two men delivering their gifts a tthe headstones

one laid a bowl of rice
the other a bundle of flowers

one man laughed and asked "when do you think they will eat that bowl of rice?"

the other man said "when your loved one arises to smell the flowers"

it is a way of honoring the dead. some people visit the gravesite to speak with or remember their loved one.

we don't do well with death - probably because it reminds us that we will be in that box sooner than we wish

Well, I never go to cemeteries, nor do I leave flowers or light candles, because the souls of those interred there have either already moved on, or they never will. IF I went to the grave of a family member...and I can't...2000 miles away or more for some of them...I think I would speak silently in my own mind, and just tell them that I miss them. Just in case their spirit was checking in that day. 😉

BUT my mother was huge into going to the cemetery and leaving flowers. Usually plastic flowers. AND after my father died, wisely requesting his burial be about 2000 miles away from where she lived, she was unable to litter his grave with plastic, so she created a little altar for him in her home. There was a SILK fake red rose on the little altar. I never heard her pray, or speak to the people who had gone before her.

Veneration is usually the reason. However that is not the only reason. Nor are only just those two things brought.

Think why do you prefer certain colors? Why do you do certain things only one way? Why do you only use your right hand and not your left hand or the other way around?

Think of those things in light of others traditions. And why you don't disrupt someone's grave, eulogy or memorial.

That's a tradition as well. Think why you don't. As well as why they do. All of that has a lot to do with respect and choices.

Wars have been fought over those concepts.

Imagine what would happen if either side knew of the burial sites of Jesus and Mohammed. And one or the other or both sides bomb those burial places.

If that would happen, what would that mean?

When asking questions about why others do, it's best to turn it around and ask why you don't do the complete opposite. It's usually the same reason.

I do it for myself. I love seeing lights. When I was little, I found All Souls' Night very exciting and loved lighting small candles from each other and sticking them in the ground. Now I just bring tea candles to the common memorial for all the deceased that I knew who were not my family. It's a nice, calming ritual.

The spirits of the dead have long moved on. Leaving yokens at gravesides id forvthe living. For closure. For peace. For guilt. Etc. I have not ever done it nor ever shall I. I spend time eith people when they are alive. I have no regrets then. I care not for whatever people do at gravesides. It is just a show.

I tend to my mom's grave. My uncle is next to her. I'll visit my dad's once a year.

When you lose people, you never forget about them. Honoring them is for the living, yes. But we are the ones they loved most.

It's the memories that are kept alive, something that benefits the living.

The verse states, “The soul of man is the lamp of G‑d.” As such, the candle serves as a remembrance of the departed soul. Additionally, based on this soul-lamp comparison, there are many reasons given for lighting a candle, several of which we will touch on here.

Filling a Void
When a soul departs from this world, it leaves behind a dark void. The memorial candle serves to replenish this light.

@Casheyane well i go to the cemeteryb religiously weather permitting and put flowers on my dads grave. i think i understand what you are saying there memory is in your heart and that is true but the flowers are a mark of respect plus as i keep his grave stone tidy . when the council walla cuts the grass my dad stone is a mess it drives me crazy as i think it is utter disrespect

That's more for the living than the dead
..they are dead and can't enjoy it

It's for the living, of course. To remember and pay respects.

After everyone's gone they come out of their graves and enjoy the smell of the flowers

I never understood the Catholics with candles thing.