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Why do you bother to bring flowers and light candles in the cemetery? Do you do it for the living or for the dead?

It's something I am wondering about.
I know it's become tradition, like a means to gather with family and respect the dead.

But the dead are dead. Inside the tombs, they're bones. Inside the urns, they're ashes.

I mean no disrespect. I just genuinely like to understand. Deep down, if there is no one who would see you do it or who would expect you to do it, would you still do it? And why?

Would you do it for the living? For yourself? For the dead? Why?
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I never understood the Catholics with candles thing.