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Why would someone tell me that they sometimes think I don’t like them?

I fell like I’m always polite but they said I am hard to figure out because I sometimes don’t have alot of expression in my face. To be honest it kinda makes me feel a bit insecure when someone tell me that because I feel like I am friendly…
Onasander · 41-45, M
CN VII (Facial Nerve)

The portion of the facial nerve that controls facial expression is numbed in us, giving that dead emotionaless staire many will interprete however they please, but usually has hostile or angry.

I keep the same face always and noticed one of my former employers in security in hawaii always thought I was angry, but then his younger son told me a story of how armed gunmen invaded their nearby farm coming after them, and they decided it was fearful.... I know my face didn't change one bit. They were projecting, I was just in a analytical mode taking in the data set presented and playing scenerios and looking for solutions. So for everyone it is completely subjective, they paint our face however they want, but it isn't usually cheerful.

Good news is the mkst romantic character in literature that women adore is also a INTJ, so this suggests once people get to know us they really like us.

If you are not a INTJ, you may just as of late been thinking in a mode that requires more introspection and more strategic depth and logic, and your face freezes without you noticing, and people see this and read into it whatever they want, usually negatively at first.

I gace up in my 20s realizing I just intimidate people, especially women and just give them a wide berth and sometimes even cross a street if I see a very expressionable person walking up ahead because I don't want to deal with the glance when walking by deep in thought. I've also skipped elevators too out of politeness if it opens up and people catch site of my face and look at it momentarily and stop talking for a second. It's a biological prejudice, they rely on thinking modes where facial expressions dominate in communication.

As a interesting tidbit of History, there is a old icon of Jesus people interprete as either angry or happy, they project whatever they feel on the whole image when one half is one way, and the other half another:

Christ Pantocrator, from St. Catherine’s Monastery in the Sinai, Egypt. 6th century.

Alot has historically been written on it. People interpete whatever they want from this static image.
Jstbanannas1991 · 31-35, F
@Onasander hehe you should see my passport!
Jstbanannas1991 · 31-35, F
Thanks for the detailed response!
I was writing: "Have you considered you may be a little neurodivergent, have a mild autism? May be worth investigating." But then I looked at your profile and it says ADHD in your groups. I'm not a phycologist, and I'm only assuming it may refer to you rather than experience with a family member for example. But that would be neurodivergent, and its highly likely to be hereditary.
Maybe watch some free self-help videos on YT, by board certified channels or get a book on it. You certainly wouldn't be alone, if you are. Neurodivergence, covers ADHD, Autism and Dyslexia at least. Plenty of people out there with those. International best-selling book 'The Chimp Paradox' may be of help to you, my therapist recommended it to me, to help see thing's in a different prospective and handle my stress and emotions. A quick look on google looks like it's also ideal for ADHD, which my therapist has too👍.
Similarname · 46-50, M
“Everyone is different” in what/how and why they do & say things, so it’s always best to ask people directly when you have questions w them.

They are expecting you to emote more — perhaps showing happiness or fondness — when you’re w them, and because you “don’t have alot of expression in [your] face” and don’t “let your feelings show” so openly they’re insecure and think you have little feelings for them or are guarding your feelings around them because maybe you don’t trust them.

Use this knowledge of how you might be (what people have told you about you) to your advantage (1) by helping people out by expressing yourself w more words of what you’re feeling or thinking to “lessen the impact” of your “puzzling nature” to them, and (2) because you seem to have a “poker face,” have you ever thought of taking up playing cards for money as a profession? 😀
Jstbanannas1991 · 31-35, F
@Similarname ha I played once at the casino and lost money so fast!
Similarname · 46-50, M
That’s why there’s the saying that "the house always wins [in the long run].”
I think they already answered your inquiry:

they said I am hard to figure out because I sometimes don’t have alot of expression in my face.

So perhaps the can't read you easily or they are used to women emoting more.

I see this as a compliment--that you are pretty unfazed by things; far better than being a woman who has to always create drama. So what?

Don't stress about it.
Aww, I wouldn’t take it personally. Sounds like you guys just need to get to know each other better.

I have a dear friend who also is not very expressive with her facial features. She’s a very chill, composed person and I admire that. I used to worry she found me boring or something once upon a time lol. It took me a long time to understand that she’s just not as expressive as a lot of other females are, but I’ve learned to recognize her little cues and whatnot by now.

Her expressing those feelings to you is more her showing her insecurity/vulnerability to you. I think it’s nice that she’s communicating and trying to understand you better. Try to take it from a good place and let it be an opportunity for the both of you to get to know one another better and get closer :)
twistedrope · 26-30, M
Its any number of reasons in my experience. Could be you gotta wall between you and them or show no vulnerability. On the other side, maybe some folks just expect too much while giving so little!

Me personally? I take an not-so-intense interest in the things people like or do and they tend to respond well. Then just... say my experience with whatever insane thing they say.

Or I'm just wrong. That's also possible. In broad strokes, I learned as a receptionist and librarian to always be happy to see people. I'm a lonely guy so its not too hard to just... enjoy the company of people. Makes me unique amongst my dept. really.
Maybe they are expecting bit more expressive of yourself. Some people are comfortable that way. I am not saying, it is right to have such expectations. Actually, no one should expect you to express your feelings more loudly.

But the reality is that they have certain expectation. It's up to you to address to it or not. You can also tell that you feel comfortable when you keep your feeling in your heart, this way you enjoys your emotion in true sense. You can also ensure them about the insecurity/doubts they have.
Convivial · 26-30, F
Maybe your body language is different to your vocals... Or just maybe the friend in insecure and needs to be handed fawned over ...

Oops don't know where that extra word came from lol
Jenny1234 · 51-55, F
I’m similar in that I don’t show much expression in my face but I feel it in my heart. Maybe i should try being mindful about that and show it
Mudkip · 31-35, M
I have the same problem at times. People sometimes ask me if I'm upset or angry because of my lack of facial expressions
Letsdothis1987 · 51-55, M
I think first impressions are overrated, let people get to know the real you and it all works out!
Let them think what they want to. Why are you stressing about it?
Jstbanannas1991 · 31-35, F
@Royricky09 I guess I feel bad about making someone feel unliked.
@Jstbanannas1991 that's exactly what the problem is. People pleasing.
The one who you should be concerned about is already in your life. Rest all is noise.
People say those things because they weren't able to get what they wanted from you. Which makes the say things
Sapio · 51-55, M
Are you sure they're not trying to manipulate you and for them you've been hard to read? Sounds like they're trying to make you feel guilty for who you are. Don't let it get to you.
Jstbanannas1991 · 31-35, F
@Sapio not sure they did say they find me hard to read.
@Sapio exactly
smiler2012 · 56-60
@Jstbanannas1991 i think really by your friendliness in words that can say more when communicating than expression now expression can be misinterpretated and give out a mwrong message
manipulating sympathy it feels like...
Jstbanannas1991 · 31-35, F
@TheOneyouwerewarnedabout maybe wants reassurance?
@Jstbanannas1991 guilt you into being his fren... :)
matthewjames · 18-21, M
why ask us? why dont you just ask them?
Alex51 · 61-69, M
Something wrong with them
riseofthemachine · 41-45, M
I'm the same
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Jstbanannas1991 · 31-35, F
@Justafantasy personally I think I’d prefer someone to let me come to them about a shitty if I feel like it.
@Jstbanannas1991 certain people I can see it. I don't mention it, just do what I can to try and lift them up

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