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My Husband wants me to Quit Everything

My husband has never had a job. He just won't work. He always has some reason. He doesn't like to talk about it. Now that I have a 1 year old son he is the " primary caregiver" even though he is still super lazy and usually spends 90% of his time watching anime and eating while supposedly watching the baby.

I'm always tired and his response is let's just you quit your job. Sell the house and move to my 3rd world country.
His country is OK but I don't have family there and I will never move to somewhere unless he has some plan and something going on.
So today I was so tired from work ( even though I work from home I strongly dislike my job) and I just told him that I'm tired and he offered the same suggestion, let's move to my country and you sell this house and our car and you can go back and forth and manage your rental property.

I told if that if he gets a job and rents us a place in his country that I will go.
I know that he won't do shit but I was serious.

He said , " WHAT!!, you expect me to get some stupid job for $600 USD per month" and he was like " I'm not discussing this anymore that is so dumb".
So he wont work for low wages but he will let me be the only worker because my wage is higher???
😔

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DrWatson · 70-79, M

There are several things that are very wrong with this picture!

Pinkstarburst · 51-55, F

You have a real child now. Your “man”needs to put on his big boy pants and man up or go back to his momma.

black4white · 56-60, M

You allow this so it’s on you

What he is doing sucks but no consequences and if that’s the case you have to deal with it

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black4white · 56-60, M

@REMsleep blasphemy lol

But you do you

Justmeraeagain · 56-60, F

@REMsleep Is a speration against your religious beliefs?
Do you trust a religious leader that you could discuss it with?

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Jessmari · 41-45

Have you tried selling the couch? Not sure how you did this for 11 years.

REMsleep · 41-45, F

@Jessmari the couch is old now it's ready for the trash heap

Jessmari · 41-45

@REMsleep I'm thinking flamethrower now.

being · 36-40, F

Hmm what if you would find something that he's willing to work for ? Would you guys be interested in moving to a more rural area in your country perhaps, where he can grow vegetables and cater to chicken so he can provide like that ?
And provided that food is provided.. you could cut down on your working hours to half ... ?

I'm trying to think of an alternative middle solution that would give him the chance to get something going and would also allow you to find your calm, rest and joy back...

eMortal · M

This is the child support/marriage trap in reverse.
A lot women do that to men knowing if he divorces, they get child support and sometimes alimony since the husband is usually a higher earner. Now that you're the higher bread winner, he will get all that if you divorce him, at least in the US. So basically he doesn't work because he knows you're stuck. Someone needs to punch some pride in his face!!
If he is able yet doesn't work here, he'll be the same bum in any 3rd world country and you his cash cow. Don't go.
I recently met another woman in your situation. Her husband hasn't tried to change jobs in 13 years!! Same low paying job. She earns 4 times his salary. If she divorces he gets half her stuff. This world is scary.

DearAmbellina2113 · 41-45, F

You chose to get pregnant by this dude......

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Sutten · 36-40, F

@REMsleep Sounds like you settled for him out of desperation because of your age and wanting a child. We all have to be accountable for the part we play in our own pain. As you mentioned for religious purposes you will not leave, I'm sure you also have the mindset that you don't want to ruin your child's life by breaking up the family. This is an unfortunate situation that you find yourself in as in the long run this will drain you more and more. You may even develop depression and anxiety if you haven't already. At some point stress like this catches up with a person, it could impact your mental health as well as your physical health. I hope you have a strong support system like friends or family that you can lean on. I wish you all the best.

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REMsleep · 41-45, F

@UndeadSona I guess I framed it badly. I been with him for like 16 years so no I didn't get with him in order to have a baby but by the time I was truly tired of everything I was overdue and on my last egg lol
I care about him. He is a bad husband but I care about him.

Domking · 61-69, M

Please give priority - priority for baby & for you

Slowly but steadily, change some routines & habits, if necessary the food habit so you don't get tired. There has to be some little bit which sparks your mind, like the breathing exercise called pranayam, which creates good feeling, a little yoga & reading or talking with like minded friends. These will slowly but surely give you inner strength.

REMsleep · 41-45, F

@Domking thank you for reminding me about simple things like this this has been the most helpful comment

4meAndyou · F

Your body is still trying to recover from having your baby, and you are not getting sufficient rest and probably not sleeping well. You have my most sincere condolences on having married a lazy, no good loser of a husband.

Whatever you do, don't MOVE to a third world country to quit your job. Instead, think about getting a divorce. Then find yourself a partner who is actually WORTH spending your life with.

Cinderellagirl · 16-17, F

He sounds lazy, just send him to his Country by himself I think.

in10RjFox · M

Firstly the one who earns is the husband and the one who cares for home and child is the wife. So you are facing a role reversal situation and you need to exercise your right now as you are the one who has to call the shots. But you working from home is another problem as you need to put up with him.

Is there a option for you to delegate some of your work to him so you can relax a bit but still accomplish your work?

Since you work from home, is there an option for you to continue work from wherever you move to?

Consider and weigh all options. A cost benefit analysis will help and consider the financial impact short and long term.

It may also be worthwhile to sell and restart in another country.. Check if his job prospects are better in his country.

Do not handle this emotionally or with frustration that he is jobless.

Strictmichael75 · 61-69, M

Reading through the comments it seems you are in denial and not really looking for a solution!
He is NEVER going to do anything
You have foolishly wasted 11 years of your life and now you have a son and he is your number one priority!
Divorce him and move on with your life

MadValleyDuck · 41-45, M

Does not sound too good. Did you guys have these conversations before getting married and having a child?

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Court69 · M

@REMsleep he was too lazy to put a condom on or pull out for sure.

REMsleep · 41-45, F

@Court69 No. We both wanted this baby. I tried for about 3 years to get pregnant.

Court69 · M

@REMsleep pm me if your ready

Justmeraeagain · 56-60, F

You have decided if you wish to continue to live this way.
I'm sorry,sounds like he wants a free ride off your efforts.

cinsac

There's only one solution for you and your child, DIVORCE HIM.

REMsleep · 41-45, F

@cinsac I don't believe in divorce. We just made 11 years I think like 1 or 2 weeks ago I can't remember because we don't acknowledge it.

cinsac

@REMsleep Whether you believe in divorce, or not, it is an option if things get too unbearable.

KingofBones1 · 46-50, M

Time for you to get out of that sad arrangement you could do better by yourself

deadteddy · 26-30, F

You’re better than me cause 😬😬, is he the princess of the house or what?

REMsleep · 41-45, F

@deadteddy no he doesn't act like a princess or anything like that you'd have to be here to see it it's kind of weird when I describe it but when you're in the house he just acts like everything's normal.
He's just super lazy and he never seems to realize a bunch of stuff

SW-User

Wow, how is he not ashamed of himself..

REMsleep · 41-45, F

@SW-User Maybe he is ashamed. I dunno he won't really talk about it.🤷🏿‍♀

SW-User

@REMsleep he has alot of work to do.. especially since his answer is to just run away..

DownTheStreet · 56-60, M

Have you considered quitting your lazy husband?

GeniUs · 56-60, M

First things first; quit your husband.

Teslin · M

Time to move on from him. Take your son, move into one of your rental properties you mentioned.
He will have to get a job to pay child support. If he moves back to his home country, great. Both you and your son will be better off without him.

Strictmichael75 · 61-69, M

@Teslin it’s her home, she should kick him out! Nothing else !
She has paid enough for him

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Convivial · 26-30, F

Divorce the lazy sod...

LifeIsShort · M

Sorry to say, I always wonder how these type of guys manage to lure women in to marriage.

REMsleep · 41-45, F

@LifeIsShort hey before I got married I wondered the same thing I thought I was a pretty smart cookie.
He's not that handsome he never had money or anything like that, wasn't a bad boy type.
I just thought he was a nice nerdy guy who wouldn't cheat on me and would be my friend and help me have fun in life and raise a kid. I'm introverted and he accepted that.
He didn't work much but he had legal immigration issues to explain that.

LifeIsShort · M

@REMsleep Sorry, even If he can't work than he should at least take care of all the household duties.

Also there is no promise that he would suddenly become a hard worker, he might probably spend all the money you get after selling the house.

REMsleep · 41-45, F

@LifeIsShort he can work legally now he had immigration issues a long time ago but they're fixed but he just lost all his paperwork and he won't replace it.
You are right I don't put stock in anything he says. That's what the post was really about. If I sold my house I would be a fool. All the money would be gone after a year or two. That's why I told him to go to his country and get a job and then I would follow him, that would show some effort but he ain't going to do it.