Who do you blame if kids grew up mess up?

Although many things in our early childhood development play a part in our attitudes and actions. Once children grow into adulthood, it's up to them as to how they want to live and the actions they take moving forward. The blame game can be passed on to many different things or influences; parents, friends, teachers, preachers, environment and experiences. Any of these can bring developmental changes in a child, teen or adult. The ultimate responsibility ends on the individual though.
You say your friend is messed up. She and her brother share a bond now through incest. They are both consenting adults now. If they want to change, that's up to them. One or the other may remove themselves from the others life, if that's what they choose to do. That's really their call. Perhaps they just enjoy each other. Perhaps they simply enjoy having an incestuous relationship with each other. It really isn't our place to say whether they are messed up or wrong for doing what they do.

Perhaps others feel that an open relationship is messed up? Maybe society looks down on sharing your boyfriend with your bestfriend. It's really no one else's business. If it works for you, as a concerning adult, it's your choice to live that way.

Just be accepting to the love your friend and brother share. You do not have to agree.

Nature, Nurture and Choice. Even if a child grows up in a loving family with good parenting it doesn’t guarantee that they will not make bad choices and have lifelong problems as a result. I remember watching a talk show about a family where the couple had two daughters and wanted a son. They decided to adopt a baby boy instead of continuing to have a son naturally. They said by the time the boy was crawling and had started to get teeth he would crawl up to his two older sisters and bite chunks out of them. The problems only got worse as he got older. The mother said that they had never had problems with their two daughters. They got counseling for the boy and eventually told him that he was adopted when he got old enough. It made him much more hateful against them. He was threatening to kill them and set the house on fire. They hid all of the kitchen knives and anything that had the potential to become a weapon. And then they found out that the boy’s father was in prison for violent things. Before they had applied for adoption they had told the social worker that they had two daughters and wanted to make sure there were no such things in the baby’s background. She assured them everything was clear, the mother had gotten pregnant and couldn’t afford to raise the baby on her own. Apparently this was something genetic causing these severe mental problems.

I'd say I was a product of my upbringing. I never realized how bad my childhood was till I started sharing experiences here. Probably I am just a whinger. A few of my cousins had it much worse growing up and they have done far better in life then I have.

It's not just parenting. Think about how much time kids spend in school.
Also, I believe that from certain age, people should take responsibility for their life and quit thinking in terms of blame or wearing "a victim" label like a badge of honor.

yikes 😬

Parents lack of love or the oppostie, being smothered by them, friends influence, bad luck, unbalanced thinking, not being of good character, easily talked into doing the wrong things, no self esteem, etc. It could be a number of reasons that cause kids to be messed up.

Parents can be good with bad kids.

Parents can be bad with good kids.

Sometimes both are good or both are bad.

It's not black and white.

Obama

It's not my call I just keep the door locked. 🔒

That's on them.

I'm an adult. It's on me. Yes, my parents didn't help (to be kind), but I'm responsible for myself

There is no one singular entity or even a couple or a few. Everything we experience in life affects us. Both the things we do and the things that happen to us.

Mostly Bad parenting and family situations.

Kids’ gatherings; their circle of friends.

Society. Kids aren’t exclusive to their parents unless they’re sheltered from the world.

Whenever I see kids acting-up, I'll always blame their parents.

I reject the blame games.

So much of what we become are shaped by childhood experiences.

Parents have far and away the largest influence on how kids grow up and turn out.

IF they had a strong moral education, I doubt very much that would have happened.

? Where did you grow up?

They needa take responsibility too

Bad parenting but @ some point its the individuals fault

Lot of the strange stuff comes from that

[quote]They had slept with each other.[quite]

Let me guess. They live in a redneck state. West Virginia or Kentucky?