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I’m officially done trying to make friends

I’ve been trying to make my own friends since having our first in 2021. I guess I didn’t really have friends before that cause I moved to hubbys hometown 800 miles away from my own in 2016 and the “friends” I did have before kids were his friends that I met through him. He has a couple close friends/acquaintances currently but I’m still left with none.

We had a big fight last night and he told me the one friend, who’s a female and has been his friend for 20+ years, that I’ve been wanting to be friends with for the longest time doesn’t hang out with me because all I do is complain (she’s not wrong but I have nobody to talk to EVER) and tbh that stung hard. She hangs out when I’m not around and makes sure to leave before I get home from work, which I guess makes sense now that I know what I know. Like I suck to be around so much people actively avoid being around me so I deleted all the apps I had trying to make friends because it’s pointless. I’m a person who has to meet someone in person to feel a connection and keep up a relationship so trying to find friends online is pointless
Flenflyys · 31-35, F
This post itself is another complaint. People are telling you you’re too negative to be around. If you want friends, you have to change that. If you don’t care, continue as is.
We had a big fight last night and he told me the one friend

Have you considered that he could be manipulating you???

Isolation is a tactic that many abusers will use to enable their abuse - because you have no one to talk to or turn to for help should you decide that you've had enough and you want out.

It can often be one of the earliest signs of abuse and hardest to spot because it can be played like in your example - or it can be hidden under a "caring" approach.

Either way, it's not for me to tell you whether to make friends or keep some of your old friends around... but I would really stop and look hard at his behaviour and ask yourself what you would do if this does turn out to be an abusive relationship. You're 800 miles away from home and family, abuse seldom takes just one form (he might take control of the household funds - because "You never go anywhere) and you have no friends who can help you.

Just think very carefully if you really want to put yourself in a position where you come to see that abuse is happening and you can't get out because your body is too weak to walk long distances and you don't have anyone close enough to help you in a hurry.
twistedrope · 26-30, M
Yeah you're not doing anything wrong. Just being yourself actually has no real problems associated. You're not hurting anyone so complain all you like. Anyone worth the time to hang out has the balls to assert themselves and speak up and say something like "It's not really my interest this subject. Can we move on?" or "I can't take the emotions atm. I want something simple. Can we go watch something?" or whatever.

Searching for people is hard but a limited pool doesn't mean settling for people who just don't like you or don't have the guts to be honest. Of course... You might want to clear the air by saying "Whenever you feel uncomfortable, speak up and I'll respect your thoughts without going mental." Then assume the responsibility. It's hard work but its cool. But that's just my opinion.

You'll find friends just hang out and take up a hobby. Try to maintain some mental energy to the excursion of hanging out with randoms to find someone who has your style. I do something similar and atm reserving my mental energy through learning frameworks to make my life easier.
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Sounds like you’re putting a tremendous amount of pressure on yourself. I can feel the tension just through what you’ve written.

Think of some things you’d like to do and go out and do them. Let it unfold naturally. As for online, don’t take it so seriously. Like this place for example. Jump around and get to know people through light hearted banter with limited expectations.

Relax.
Scotty16 · 31-35
It sounds like your husband is quite possibly involved in an emotional affair with his very good female friend. The fact that the two of them spend so much time together (plus — she’s confiding in him!) when you’re away at work, and he’s siding with her, are indicative of an emotional affair.
Emotional affairs often morph into physical ones.
Your husband should be confronted about his behavior, but in a calm, caring manner. If he becomes angry and defensive, it’s pretty clear he’s guilty of having developed some emotional attachment to this woman.
Not healthy for you, him, your child, or your marriage💔.
I’m sorry for your difficulty making friends. It’s not an easy thing for people to do anymore, and it certainly sounds like your situation isn’t helping.
looping · 18-21
i can completely understand wanting to vent all your stress to the first person who will listen. and it's good that you can accept that you do complain a lot. in any sort of relationship there needs to be compromises. as much as it may of stung to be told that you're too negative to wanna be around, it's also a really important learning experience. you need to ease into things like that. if you're trying to make a new friend then you need to start light. you need to build a connection so that when you do eventually vent they'll really want to hear you out.
SW-User
I don’t have any friends either. Don’t be so hard on yourself. It’s hard making friends for a lot of people today. We live in a differently time right now. Social media really social interactions harder
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SW-User
Remember, 'those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind'. None of us are perfect. You just need to try your best to improve and keep on moving. I am here if you want to talk online.
smileylovesgaming · 31-35, F
Maybe u should buy a diary if u feel like complaining. If u want to make friends u should try at the park.
MURD3RM0NK3Y · 26-30, M
He probably cheating on you with his best friend.
496sbc · 36-40, M
Sorry to hear this. I feel bad for u
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