Attempting to offend most people. :) Poll (19) See Poll Options God went to the Arabs and said, 'I have Commandments for you that will make your lives better.' The Arabs asked, 'What are Commandments?' And the...See More »
My mate DonI cannot stand people who think they're worse off than everybody else. My mate Don is brilliant. He had a bad accident where he lost his voice and both legs. Does he make a song and dance about it ?.
Seven Short JokesI made a lamb curry last night… Apparently they prefer grass! Someone stole all my lamps you'd think I'd be upset... but I'm actually delighted. I'm going to have to return the camouflage jacket I bought last week... I just can’t see myself...See More »
The Farmers SonThe farmer and his wife had worked hard, scrimped and saved to send their son to college. As soon as he had enrolled, he started to grow a beard. Next he grew a large moustache and sideburns. Being pleased with his new facial adornment, he had his...See More »
A guy was on trial for murderand if convicted, would get the electric chair. His brother found out that a redneck was on the jury and figured he would be the one to bribe. He told the redneck that he would be paid $10,000 if he could convince the rest of the jury to reduce the...See More »
Ten Best Caddy Responses . .Number :10 Golfer: "I think I'm going to drown myself in the lake." Caddy: "Think you can keep your head down that long?" Number : 9 Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course." Caddy: "Try heaven, you've already moved most of...See More »
Sister Barbara Sitting by the window of her convent, Sister Barbara opened a letter from home one evening. Inside the letter was a $100 bill her parents had sent. Sister Barbara smiled at the gesture. As she read the letter by the window, she noticed a shabbily...See More »
Jewish WisdomGleaned from an email I received nine years ago and so appropriate for today. A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time. So she...See More »
Dumb answers I found in an old email just over 10 years ago. Enjoy!Who said Aussie Rules footballers aren't smart? 'I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.' (Shane Wakelin). ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 'Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like...See More »
If you haven’t seen this trending video….THE BEATLES THEN AND NOW The Beatles are sitting around a table in a diner... And all of them are happily sitting there with their arms around their wives, all except for poor old Ringo. “Guys? I’m really getting the blues being all lonely here. How do you suggest going...See More »
New Son in LawA girl brings her boyfriend home to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother tells her father, a business tycoon, to find out about the young man. He invites the boy to join him for green tea in his study. "So what are your plans?" the father...See More »
What’s the best way to make a tree laugh? Tell it acorn-y joke.Here goes then. I had a tree I wanted removed, because it was to close to the house. I called a tree guy and he came out and did a nice job cutting down the tree. He ask me what I thought and I said it was nice but what about the stump ? He...See More »
ALWAYS ASK, NEVER ASSUME!! His request approved, the CNN News photographer Quickly used a cell phone to call the local airport To charter a flight. He was told a twin-engine plane Would be waiting for him at the airport. Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a...See More »
Breeding Bulls My wife and I went to the Royal Adelaide Show and one of the first exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls.. We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said, ' THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR ' My wife playfully...See More »
The Definition of PoliticsA Russian Jew successfully secured relocation to Israel. At the Moscow airport, when conducting a search of his belongings, the customs official found a statue in his case. He asked the traveler: ‘What is this?’ The traveler replied: ‘That is th...See More »
A teacher's story about Stuttering A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. "Human beings are the only animals that stutter,' she says A little girl raises her hand. 'I had a kitty-cat who stuttered.' The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could...See More »
Are you alright?A man walks into a pub and asks for a double scotch. The Landlord asks, "Are you alright," as the man looks a little shaken. The man explained that his car had broken down about a mile or so down the road. He had been scratching his head looking at...See More »
They met in the barBy nature, Jason was very intelligent but a bit shy. One day he went into a bar, and he saw a stunningly attractive woman sitting alone at a table drinking a white-wine spritzer. Jason couldn’t take his eyes off this lady, and eventually, he...See More »
Don't mess with old women; they didn't get old by being stupid.AN OLD WOMAN PROSPECTOR SHUFFLED INTO TOWN LEADING A TIRED OLD MULE. THE OLD WOMAN HEADED STRAIGHT FOR THE ONLY SALOON TO CLEAR HER PARCHED THROAT. SHE WALKED UP AND TIED HER OLD MULE TO THE HITCH RAIL. AS SHE STOOD THERE, BRUSHING SOME OF THE DUST...See More »
A comedian's fan offered him a jointNot wanting to disappoint his fans, he accepted it. He almost finished the drive to his lodging when a police officer stopped his car. The officer asked him, "Have you been drinking?" The comedian denied doing so. The officer then asked, "Is that...See More »
Oldie but goodie.A supermarket opened up next to a small grocer and to show how much cheaper they were put a big sign out the front advertising butter. The grocer used to sell butter for 50p a packet, but the supermarket advertised it for 49p. The next day the...See More »
On Getting Married/Divorced in HeavenA young catholic couple was on their way to be married and got into a fatal accident and while sitting outside the pearly gates they wondered if they could get married in heaven. St Peter arrives and they ask him can we get married in heaven. St...See More »
This made me smileWife doing her makeup early morning straight out from Bed !! Husband: "Are you crazy?" Wife : "Just shut up, I need to unlock my phone. Its on Face recognition feature and it is not recognizing me..!!"