Attempting to offend most people. :)

Poll - Total Votes: 19

I was offended :)

I wasn’t offended :(

You can only vote on one answer.

God went to the Arabs and said, 'I have Commandments for you that will make your lives better.'
The Arabs asked, 'What are Commandments?'
And the Lord said, 'They are rules for living.'
'Can you give us an example?'
'Thou shall not kill.'
'Not kill? We're not interested..'

So He went to the Blacks and said, 'I have Commandments.'
The Blacks wanted an example, and the Lord said,
'Honour thy Father and Mother.'
'Father? We don't know who our fathers are. We're not interested.'

Then He went to the Mexicans and said, 'I have Commandments.'
The Mexicans also wanted an example, and the Lord said
'Thou shall not steal.'
'Not steal? We're not interested.'

Then He went to the French and said, 'I have Commandments.'
The French too wanted an example and the Lord said,
'Thou shall not commit adultery.'
'Sacre bleu!!! Not commit adultery? We're not interested.'

Finally, He went to the Jews and said, 'I have Commandments..'
'Commandments?' They said, 'How much are they?'
'They're free.'
'We'll take 10.'

There, that should offend just about everybody!

TheOneyouwerewarnedabout · 41-45, MVIP

The Israeli Ambassador at the U.N. began, "Ladies and gentlemen before I commence with my speech, I want to relay an old Passover story.

"When Moses was leading the Jews out of Egypt toward the Promised Land, he had to go through the nearly endless Sinai desert.

"When they reached the Promised Land, the people had become very
thirsty and needed water. So Moses struck the side of a mountain with his staff and a pond appeared with crystal clean, cool water. The people rejoiced and drank to their hearts' content.

"Moses put down his staff and went to a solitary corner of the pond to drink, and meditate in prayer. But once Moses returned, he found that his staff had been stolen.

"I have reason to believe ladies and gentlemen that the Palestinians stole the staff of our great Prophet Moses.'"

The Palestinian delegate to the UN, hearing this accusation, jumps from his seat and screams out, "This is a travesty. It is widely known that there were no such thing as 'Palestinians' at that time!"

"And with that in mind," said the Israeli Ambassador, "let me now begin my speech."

helenS · 36-40, F

You forgot to include the Americans in your list.

Then He went to the Americans and said, 'I have Commandments.'
The Americans too wanted an example and the Lord said,
"You shall make no idols."
"No shareholder profiteering? We are not interested."

You asked for it, you got it. 😑

LeopoldBloom · M

"The Latest Decalogue" by Arthur Hugh Clough

Thou shalt have one God only; who
Would tax himself to worship two?

God's image nowhere shalt thou see,
Save haply in the currency:

Swear not at all; since for thy curse
Thine enemy is not the worse:

At church on Sunday to attend
Will help to keep the world thy friend:

Honor thy parents; that is, all
From whom promotion may befall:

Thou shalt not kill; but needst not strive
Officiously to keep alive:

Adultery it is not fit
Or safe, for women, to commit:

Thou shalt not steal; an empty feat,
When 'tis so lucrative to cheat:

False witness not to bear be strict;
And cautious, ere you contradict.

Thou shalt not covet; but tradition
Sanctions the keenest competition.