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How do you personally stay calm while dating?

If you do that is. How do you just view it as, If it works out, nice, if not no biggie???
My mind overthink s, future tells, mind reads...馃槩 Then I just decline interest in me...I think what guy will ever stay with someone with as much anxiety as me? I feel pathetic, small and like they could have lots of other women who are better. But I REALLY want to beat this fear and feel CALM about dating. How did you?
BigBen61-69, M Best Comment
I see it as an opportunity to enjoy the company of another person and I don't bring a lot of long term expectations into the mix. While it would be great to meet someone to build a relationship with, that's a fairly rare thing to happen. Still a nice enjoyable time together with someone engaging is a joy.
BigBen61-69, M
[@562099,Coralmist] I understand your perspective. I don't know if men, in general, go on a date thinking long term about relationships. I doubt it. Many of us want to find that chemistry that leads to physical intimacy. To be honest.

If anyone asks you out, they are interested in you in some way. If you ask someone out and they accept, same thing. They are interested in you. That's enough reason to know you belong on the date.

Is the long term interest in a date evolving into a committed relationship something you want? Perhaps that's something to think about.

I don't know you and mean no offense, but it seems to me that your words imply a lack of confidence in your self worth. That might be worth thinking about. It's difficult to feel valuable to another if one does not feel valuable to themselves. I know this from personal experience.

You might want to try and relax and enjoy the experience. Enjoy the ride. Maybe you'll find someone who enjoys you and you them and that will lead to a second date, a third, who knows. Maybe you'll have a date and some fun, but the chemistry isn't there and you both move on. That's okay too. Relax and have fun with it. I'm certain you're worth getting to know.

Best of luck.
Coralmist36-40, F
[@323826,BigBen] You're right, maybe many aren't thinking loNg term relationship while dating. It certainly puts pressure on me to think I need to be it all, be a full package. They could just be really seeking physical intimacy like you said. I definitely don't value myself because I see myself as broken, I have anxiety disorder. That's why I don't date, I feel I'm not enough. But I agree, I can't know if every guy wants a full relationship right off the bat, so having fun for a bit might be a better view . Thanks Ben 馃尰鉁ㄢ槝锔
BigBen61-69, M
[@562099,Coralmist] For what's it's worth, we all have our weaknesses. Things we wish we were better at or feel we lack. I hope you find a way to be satisfied with you.

JoyfulSilence46-50, M
I have never been on a date.

There have been times when I thought a woman was interested in me, and I got so nervous, even panicky. And of course then I think ahead, about logistics, and what would I have to change about myself? Would my whole life change?

I mostly just want to remain who I am, and share my life with another, and she can remain who she is. Of course she and I will change but I would want it all to be smooth and natural.

My life is so lonely and dull. The only dates I go on are with the ducks and geese at the local pond. They are the only ones who approach me. But they only want the food they think I have. And if I were a huge ear of corn, they would eat me alive.

Today I realized I was taking to myself while inside all day. Literally speaking my thoughts out loud. I think I am losing it.
Coralmist36-40, F
[@68716,JoyfulSilence] You're not losing it. Maybe people have to compromise on a few things here or there in a relationship, but certainly not your entire life 鉁
JoyfulSilence46-50, M
[@562099,Coralmist] Yeah.

I had a crush on a friend but she does nag me at times, which made me pause. I still love her, though. But she has a boyfriend. Sigh.
Leggs46-50, F
Dating and relationships are nothing but hassle. There is the ideal version we all dream of and the there is reality.

But for you - you do have a few things going in your favor that increase your value in the dating scene.

You are pretty. No one is going to be ashamed to be seen with you.
But more important - you are not lugging around kids nor grand kids.

Those two things will at least get your foot in the door.

So many women your age ARE lugging around kids and/or they just look terrible. Men are NOT interestd in those types of women.

Since you are pretty AND child-free, you are definitely a better catch.

I am not saying this "just to make you feel better", I am speaking God's honest truth.
Coralmist36-40, F
[@1073121,Leggs] Thank you for your kind words 馃尰 I'm not really thin though, kinda chubby Actually 馃様 I just fear my anxiety is a deal breaker...they'll find someone who CAN do lots of social fun things or CAN travel .
Tastyfrzz56-60, M
Sounds like you just need lots of hugs. Not sure what triggers your anxiety. I will say that it seems to decrease as you get older. Another thing that worked for me are french fries. Try a tub of them and see if it helps. You might need more carbs.
KuroNeko41-45, F
I don't like it. 3 weeks in and my experience has been so awful that I'm not even looking anymore.
Coralmist36-40, F
[@1095867,KuroNeko] Wow I'm sorry friend 馃槩 That's horrible. Was it recently?
I guess I should remember there's many guys dating out there that may have many flaws like me. That THEY could not be a "whole" person too that needs improvement. I only think I'm the broken one, that they're better than me, so I don't even date. Thanks for sharing that it's not all perfect people out there.
KuroNeko41-45, F
[@562099,Coralmist] my advice is to get right with yourself first. Nobody is going to fix anyone else. You don't want to bring problems to a relationship, as when the honeymoon period wears off it will all still be there waiting. It's hard to love anyone who doesn't love themselves.
KuroNeko41-45, F
[@562099,Coralmist] this happened just 2 weeks ago.
JustcallmeNameless31-35, F
Idk I was never nervous. I figured he must like me a little bit to ask me out and if he doesn't like me after the date it's not gonna break my heart. I will just go out with someone else. Hell I might not like him either.
Slade51-55, M
That's often how I felt in job interviews but luckily not so much in dating. I know if I was obviously selling myself it would be serious cringe
Ohhh, I don鈥檛. I鈥檓 kind of a freak and a mess. Luckily for me, my fianc茅e thought it was cute.
Coralmist36-40, F
[@605647,DarkHeaven] Freak is not something to describe you, dig? 馃馃檪馃尲
[@562099,Coralmist] 馃枻馃
Creyvin1morehead100+, M
Aussies are very layback, it's all about her. Hold her hand & make her feel safe & warm
Coralmist36-40, F
[@1203332,Creyvin1morehead] That very kind. 鉁
TexChikF
have you not gotten any help from a doctor. Social anxiety is a thing they can treat
Coralmist36-40, F
[@113373,TexChik] I've been to three therapist s..some help but not to heal it. I'm searching psychologists currently.
TexChikF
How do you stay calm while out with a friend? It鈥檚 pretty much the same .
uncalled451-55, M
A certain amount of nervousness is probably healthy--you care about the outcome--but after that, things should flow. If not, keep moving. It's essentially simple.
Coralmist36-40, F
[@329500,uncalled4] I guess I view my shortcomings as weak, not quirks. But maybe I need to reframe them. Thank you 馃尶鈽锔
uncalled451-55, M
[@562099,Coralmist] Exactly! :) Quit apologizing for who you are. None of us are perfect. I certainly don't apologize for jack shit. Watch how people respond when you no longer take crap from them.
Coralmist36-40, F
[@329500,uncalled4] Thank you..it's just I have crippling anxiety, about certain things in my life, so it seems like I'm not worthy of love...like I'm offering a quarter of what others can. But I'll try to work hard at just ACCEPTING myself, even with feeling broken. Ty again 馃専馃尰
RedBaronM
By being married and out of the market.
YMITheWayIM41-45, M
I don't do that stuff.
GovanDUNNY36-40, M
If we went out together you'd be with a mate who thinks your awesome and I'd tell you that often any anxiety would soon go. plus there will be lots of kissing
Coralmist36-40, F
[@1202672,GovanDUNNY] I appreciate your positive words

 
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