@BabyLonia you're right about that

@Cigarguy101
I like it, very much.
How do you feel about this, sir?

It seems like you are not asked, you are told, by too many (in your real life), you are put in boxes, and labelled. And you are judged. And you are given their road map before you set out on your journey. They plot our your life.
Your life is not for them to plot out.
...Everything about this sits wrong with me , from my own experience. This isn't the way for you to grow, to disentangle yourself, to set healthy boundaries.
You absolutely deserve respect from your family. From anyone.

If they are unable to give it, in this specific instance, well...
I am very used to this.
As you said, your kids ARE treated with love and respect by your parents.
However, there is still a way you can respectfully and firmly state what you need. This is by no means a contract, as you well understand, but, it could be a first step.

My father had (and has) no clue about my mental health struggles and very little clue about my other health struggles, his compassion grew more, when I asserted to him:
" I know you feel this way dad. That's fine. Your feelings are your own and are valid.
However, what I need you to understand, is when you say this to me, you are destroying me.
Your words, they are destroying me every time you say this to me.
You can think it, that is you right,
but please do not say this to me anymore."
I probably also used an example where he would be the recipient of such vitriol.
So, it only took me 50 years to say these words.
After that, he got better. But he still can be cruel, it's like his default.

Also. I highly suggest groups, or a group and therapy.
(Sorry, if this is unsolicited advice. I don't mean to be a hypocrite, but when I was where I am imagining, you may be, it was good to hear advice which I was able to put to use, in my life.)
You need to take back your power. You need to remember that you are a good and decent human being and you have value.
You are precious and perfect, the way you are: You will see this in time, of this, I have no doubt :) 🤗

I relate to very much of what you have said. Groups helped me because I was able to see and to feel and to know, I am not alone, there were mirrors , all around me :) There is great power and peace in seeing others who share your plight, who share your pain, who share your journey.
Also: Groups, they provide real strategies that you can use in dealing with difficult and limited people.

Therapy is more for you to get back into your own power, your value, your self esteem and it will validate your light.
Also, it will quell your doubts and fears of 'am I worthy? and so on.
The right therapist is key.
You are checking them out, it will be a process: It's fine to not be okay with them. You are selecting a person for an intimate connection of YOUR heart mind and soul.
I went through a few , before I settled on the best one I ever have had the pleasure and privilege of allowing into my world. I miss her dearly we were together for over twenty years!🤗🤍🌼🌞♾

I know this is a long note. I hope at least some of it will be helpful.
You are okay to PM me if you wish.

Best to you and your kids.

@Soossie i am not ok with what she said but even before we separated i didn't control her. She is her own person. Shes her own person.

@Cigarguy101 being ones own person, and being insensitive are two very different things.

@Gusman that's my plan
And after i drop them off a few shots of the good whiskey in honor or my sister

@Ducky no one that she is close too. She's lost a great aunt and a cousin she barely knew

@Cigarguy101 All the same, there's no excuse such an insensitive statement. She owes you an apology.

@TallMtnMedic working on the ex part

@DunningKruger working on it
We are separated now