If you experienced abuse....

Or had someone with mental illness in your family or life that affected you greatly..did you start to IDENTIFY with The entire experience?( Feel tainted, broken or inhuman? )As if you as an entity was bad, and inhuman? I've been trying to overcome this horrible identity but the abuse was constant and severe, for years. It remains in my subconscious, saying "You are always subpar , and now BECAUSE of this awful experience, you are unwhole, abnormal etc." I have PTSD as a result so I feel less than others. They can date and travel etc and I get super hyper vigilant about either. Two wonderful parts of life, feel unattainable.
Can anyone feel this as well?

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SwampFlower · 31-35, F

It didn't become my identity but it definitely shaped my perspective in ways I've consistently had to challenge and unlearn.

Your experience was horrible and unfair but it didn't destroy you in the ways you fear. I understand the insecurities you feel, though. I hope you can learn to challenge your feelings of unworthiness and find peace. You deserve all the love.

Coralmist · 41-45, F

@SwampFlower Ty Swampflower , that means a lot. 🌷

MyNameIsHurl · 41-45, F

I'm so sorry, you are a great person. And yeah, I felt worthless after my ex and it took a long time to get to a good place.

kodiac · 22-25, M

For me i lost the feeling of being even human ,i was an object ,a tool something to be used then thrown away. In foster care i was a paycheck and the parents never let me forget that, or a whipping boy to take out their anger on .especially if they had bio kids ,they wouldn't dream of hitting their bio kids ,but i was there to take the blame . With the priests i was the embodiment of their sin , something to be used for their guilty pleasures .On the streets i was a commodity, something to be sold and the price was my soul. I think abuse is like a seed thatgets planted in us and over time it grows all the bad thoughts come from this seed ,all the names they called us ,all the times they told us we were worthless became who we saw ourselves as . I'm trying to kill this demon seed . People say the past is gone the abuse is over ,but the abuse doesn't stop when it's physically over, the seed still grows .Sorry I'm rambling without any advice on how to cope .

Coralmist · 41-45, F

@kodiac I am so sorry you should never have had to endure those things. It really messes with your sense of self. Just like you said, that little seed of abuse or ridicule grows and grows. The past is always in me, in a hellish way. But I'm learning I must accept all parts of myself, and as a book I'm reading said, 'no matter what.' I liked that.. Bec we often don't accept ourselves, thinking we are tainted. But those actions were not OURS. I liked what One TED speaker said once..if you crumple and stomp on a 20 dollar bill, do you still want it? (And the audience said yes!) You still want it because you know it's VALUE did not change, despite it being crumpled. 🌷

kodiac · 22-25, M

@Coralmist Yes ,i like the one that says a broken crayon still colors as beautifully as one not broken.

Hope70 · F

Yes, you can find ways to deal with the aftermath. It's a life process trying to retrain your mind. Even then it can sneak up on you. But when you realize it you can control how you react. If you need to talk, message me.

Cigarguy101 · 41-45, M

I have PTSD from the abuse I suffered as I child. Mostly food trauma, my mother mother would make me sit at the dinner table and ever time I'd have a tic or outbursts she'd hit me and take the food away. She thought I was faking and would eventually stop because I was hungry. But I couldn't control it so this went on for years. I now struggle with a eating disorder because of this

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Muthafukajones · 46-50, M

This is something that will take therapy and time to heal.

The simplest advice I can give is that the past does not exist.

Read that again. The past does not exist nor does the future. The present is all we have and all that matters and what we do in the present changes the future. The past is unaltered. Forgiveness and healing is all we can do with the past.

Coralmist · 41-45, F

@Muthafukajones even though the past cannot tangibly exist, the past of hell, makes up my subconscious and blueprint. It's exceptionally hard to alter it because it is in every belief I hold. But I'm chipping away at it FINALLY realizing it was not my thought, not my belief. (That I am low, dumb and shouldn't take up space.)
If I cried I was yelled at, if I was angry I was physically hit or screamed at, if I was happy I was told, who do you think you are? (Shamed for laughing. ) This was from I was a toddler to my twenties, daily. All day every day, so that you believe you shouldn't even exist. Unraveling it is the hardest job I've ever had. Ty for the notion that we really do only have the Now..and that we can heal the past. 🌼

Intuitive · F

Yes. I know it was because they were subpar. ..I have trauma and symptoms but I am not less . Neither are you . 🌷

Coralmist · 41-45, F

@Intuitive Thank you my friend 🪻

Intuitive · F

@Coralmist You're welcome. :)

SinlessOnslaught · M

Yes...

candycane · 36-40, F

Yes my mom dad hated me and told me it to my face. There drugs were more important here's a poem I wrote about it

https://similarworlds.com/9052504-I-Kimmygary-Has-A-Heart-Of-Gold/648698-I-Kimmygary-Has-A-Heart-Of-Gold-Fading-Away-i

Coralmist · 41-45, F

@candycane It's heartbreaking and I'm so sorry. 😟Drug users or alcoholic, like my dad as well , cling to that only and nothing really matters to them, even their family. You have worth for being born, period. As a human being. I am also sorry they overdosed candy🌸

candycane · 36-40, F

@Coralmist i knew it was going to happen, I never had a birthday party or a holiday, and other kids were not allowed at my house

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