6 times now. I’ve been there and know these feelings. What I’ve learned is that nobody can say anything to make you feel or think differently, it has to come from inside. Only you can care enough about yourself to save yourself, even if it’s just for one more day, then it might become a week, then 2 weeks and then hopefully those feelings become replaced with better ones. I still have daily welfare checks from the mental health team, there are always bumps in the road and the smallest thing can take me back there, but those are the days I fight the hardest. Another thing my psychiatrist talked to me about is language. You don’t “commit suicide” as it’s not a crime! It’s not something you should be using to make yourself feel worse. A family friend died by suicide last year. He hung himself. It took a while to come to terms with his death but I understood it and know that for him he couldn’t take anymore and needed to be at peace. Feeling like you do is not wrong or anything to be ashamed of. Sometimes life is really fucking hard and to keep going feels unbearable. But you are worth it. You have worth and bring value to this world and I hope you find it in you.
