About 12 years ago, we built a new house in the country. Neighbours are close but not too close. And we get alot of snow in the winter. (See where this is going yet?) I had a jeep with a plow on it and enjoyed being neighbourly and would plow the neighbours whenever it snowed as a gesture of good will. Then I bought a tractor with blower and continued to be neighbourly. I never got a penny from one neighbour while the the other neighbour brought a couple micro jars of jam over with a small gift card for home depot.
Couple of years ago, the tractor started developing issues and was expensive to fix. Its still temperamental and I told the neighbours that I couldnt do their driveways for them anymore.
Well…every time it snows, my phone rings and they don’t take no for an answer. I feel guilty and end up doing it for them.
How do i say no? So that they understand?
(I wasn’t awake yet this morning and my phone was already ringing.)
You need to rely on self-awareness, social skills, and self-discipline. Self-awareness to acknowledge what your motivations really are. Do you resent not feeling appreciated enough? Do you actually want to be paid or treated with perks? And, social skills to confront (yes, confront) your neighbours with your true feelings. And, finally the self-discipline to approach this situation with a well-adjusted balanced attitude and not with seething animosity. Well, that's been me and I hope you have a great rest of your day.
@MarkPaul Yes. At first I was the good samaritan. One of the neighbours are a new couple with alot of expenses and I did it to help them out. The other neighbours have a million plus dollar house but nickel and dime everything. I couldn’t do one neighbour without doing the other and not feel guilty. Yes. Appreciation vs getting taken advantage of. My dillema. I just dont doing it for them anymore. I do feel like Im sucked in.
@LunarOrbit So, there needs to be a reset in a manner of speaking. Easier said than done, I know. A reset for you by granting yourself a "clean slate." Release yourself from your past behaviour by starting with a brutally honest self-assessment of what you want (or not want) to do today. But... that's not all and proportionally that's the easy part. There are still the neighbours who need to know "things" (the situation, the conditions, the times... however you want to place it in context) have changed. Keep in mind they are not necessarily innocent bystanders, but they also are not greedy tossers either. You all have an investment in past behaviour that led this point. So, they need to be informed.
If you have an active communication line with them then it's simply a matter of letting them know your feelings by cutting off history from the present. Yes, you have done this before, but you are no longer able to help now and in the future. If you don't actively communicate with them outside of their winter expectations, this does become a bit more problematic in that they likely will become offended. That is just something to be expected going into this, but your intentions still need to be said. Letting them figure it out for themselves while remaining silent might seem enticing, but it will only put you at odds with them in the long-term. And, that's not good... for you or for them.
You don't want to come off as scripted, but might I suggest you write down how you want to express yourself and explain your position? Again, it will be important to clear yourself from being self-righteous, angry, and antagonistic. After all, they still are the neighbours. Just a short declaration of declining to be the neighbourhood plow-master going forward is my recommendation. No more really needs to be said to honour your feelings and extend a general respect for the neighbours who might not like it, but will appreciate knowing they need to find an alternative solution. And, I suspect you will feel better too.
Aww. I appreciate how hard this is. I like what Coral suggested. You just have to keep repeating it until they stop calling. To me, it sounds like they were never very worthy of your efforts to begin with, though I get that doesn’t help here. 🤗
Say ' unfortunately you may need to call someone for your driveway, I just cannot do it. The plow is having issues. I appreciate your understanding. ' do you have their email? Or cell number? Maybe you can text it ..I hate having to say it in person or on the phone but that's me.
@Coralmist I did exactly this two years ago. Just short of giving them the numbers of nearby contractors. Maybe I should do that….research the numbers and have that info ready for them. Thanks
I can't believe they actually call you and ask after you told them your tractor is going. I personally would have accepted that and made other arrangements. I would be grateful you ever did it in the first place.
Tell them you're going to start charging, make a reasonable rate. Something where they could buy a used snowblower themselves by the end of the year, or you could do necessary maintenance on your tractor regularly by doing less then everyone's and have money in your pocket
@LunarOrbit oh, and call the local contractors who do do it and ask their rates. Under cut them a little bit, not a lot. So if your neighbors go to them they'll be appreciative of you but not obligated to you.
I'm trying to think how you'd be able to have it profitable but also not you being your neighbors necessity
@LunarOrbit if contractors are $80/hour. I have no idea what a skid steer is worth keep it within $5-10. But no callout fee will make a huge difference for your neighborhood
I'd let them know your tractor needs some costly repairs. In this situation I'd say it's fair to ask the community for a little help. Who knows, maybe one of them is a mechanic and they can do their part to keep this kindness going.
And that takes balls to ask you when nobody has pitched in for a long time...
@MarbleMarvel Ive let them know two years ago that it needed repairs and that its basically haywired together to get even my own driveway done. They still call. Ugh.
Tell them if they want to pay to bring your tractor back up to being mechanically sound you'd be happy to. Or if they want to pay you $100 or whatever price you choose to plow you can do it. And have a number for a snow removal service that you will be happy to share with them.
If you say no plus you don't plow your own driveway, it will probably help avoid them being suspicious. Bc if you do yours, they might think why wouldn't the tractor be able to do theirs too? And that could cause friction.
@deadgerbil I have to do mine or I don’t get out. The street plows leave a 1-2 foot pile infront of the driveway entrance that I cant just drive thru without clearing it. Its a damned if I do, damned if I don’t.
My husband does that every winter... three driveways then comes home and complains of bad back pains. 🤦♀ I think he feels bad that we have a snow blower and they don't but still... now they expect it.
