About 12 years ago, we built a new house in the country. Neighbours are close but not too close. And we get alot of snow in the winter. (See where this is going yet?) I had a jeep with a plow on it and enjoyed being neighbourly and would plow the neighbours whenever it snowed as a gesture of good will. Then I bought a tractor with blower and continued to be neighbourly. I never got a penny from one neighbour while the the other neighbour brought a couple micro jars of jam over with a small gift card for home depot.
Couple of years ago, the tractor started developing issues and was expensive to fix. Its still temperamental and I told the neighbours that I couldnt do their driveways for them anymore.
Well…every time it snows, my phone rings and they don’t take no for an answer. I feel guilty and end up doing it for them.
How do i say no? So that they understand?
(I wasn’t awake yet this morning and my phone was already ringing.)
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You need to rely on self-awareness, social skills, and self-discipline. Self-awareness to acknowledge what your motivations really are. Do you resent not feeling appreciated enough? Do you actually want to be paid or treated with perks? And, social skills to confront (yes, confront) your neighbours with your true feelings. And, finally the self-discipline to approach this situation with a well-adjusted balanced attitude and not with seething animosity. Well, that's been me and I hope you have a great rest of your day.
@MarkPaul Yes. At first I was the good samaritan. One of the neighbours are a new couple with alot of expenses and I did it to help them out. The other neighbours have a million plus dollar house but nickel and dime everything. I couldn’t do one neighbour without doing the other and not feel guilty. Yes. Appreciation vs getting taken advantage of. My dillema. I just dont doing it for them anymore. I do feel like Im sucked in.
@LunarOrbit So, there needs to be a reset in a manner of speaking. Easier said than done, I know. A reset for you by granting yourself a "clean slate." Release yourself from your past behaviour by starting with a brutally honest self-assessment of what you want (or not want) to do today. But... that's not all and proportionally that's the easy part. There are still the neighbours who need to know "things" (the situation, the conditions, the times... however you want to place it in context) have changed. Keep in mind they are not necessarily innocent bystanders, but they also are not greedy tossers either. You all have an investment in past behaviour that led this point. So, they need to be informed.
If you have an active communication line with them then it's simply a matter of letting them know your feelings by cutting off history from the present. Yes, you have done this before, but you are no longer able to help now and in the future. If you don't actively communicate with them outside of their winter expectations, this does become a bit more problematic in that they likely will become offended. That is just something to be expected going into this, but your intentions still need to be said. Letting them figure it out for themselves while remaining silent might seem enticing, but it will only put you at odds with them in the long-term. And, that's not good... for you or for them.
You don't want to come off as scripted, but might I suggest you write down how you want to express yourself and explain your position? Again, it will be important to clear yourself from being self-righteous, angry, and antagonistic. After all, they still are the neighbours. Just a short declaration of declining to be the neighbourhood plow-master going forward is my recommendation. No more really needs to be said to honour your feelings and extend a general respect for the neighbours who might not like it, but will appreciate knowing they need to find an alternative solution. And, I suspect you will feel better too.
