Grandpa doesn’t want to see grandkids because of ADHD 😭 Advice?

As I get older (and older!) I understand where your dad is coming from. It has nothing to do with the kids being diagnosed with ADHD.
Our grandkids are perfectly normal, but they are highly energetic. And as one ages, it’s just really difficult to process all that energy. Especially for long periods of time.
I love the kids to death, but 4 or 5 or 6 of them all doing their things - usually at top volume - for a few hours, just gets really hard to handle. We love to see them come and we love to see them go!
I would advise you to make their visits more frequent but to limit their length to maybe an hour or so per visit. Also outdoor activities are much less stressful than having everyone indoors. Hope this helps.

There's a lot of advice in the replies so you have much to choose from in your decision of what to do.
I'm simply adding my thoughts to the pile!

Firstly you, not your children are noticing this 'hurt'. Yes, they will come to realize it but that is not the issue at this moment. So - so far, the damage is minimal and it's a good time for you to address it.

You grew up with your dad and you had ADHD spectrum difficulties. He either helped you through them or he didn't - you must assess that. Based on your conclusions, have a one-on-one with him and, even if it brings you to tears, you have to tell him how it was for you and how you fear it will be for your children.

Having his feedback (and I assume he is a good man), you will have an idea of why he has this aversion and rejection of your children's presence... NOTE: He may wish to love your children, it may just be something in his own mind and behavior tha he can explain.

Perhaps the answer is taking your children outside and playing a game that includes your dad's participation. Perhaps it's giving him one-on-one time with a single one of them - just sitting and talking or reading a story or playing catch or wrestling on the floor..... whatever TURNS HIM ON to wanting to interact with them ONE ON ONE with each of them without interruption by the other(s) or anyone else until a relationship is established.

It will be important to to establish a system of discipline that he can exercise to control the child (and hopefully all of them collectively when it's established)... For my grandchildren I wrestle with them but then I simply say that I'm tired and I sit and ask them to sit under each of my arms while we cuddle for a while and read or simply watch one of their programs on TV.

One of my grandboys is very active and when he starts to move away I simply tell him, "Are you leaving me? I really am enjoying this time with you.... please stay." and let his conscience play on what he wants for a relationship with me.

So: As I write this, I realize that I may not be addressing the REAL issues, but I hope you get something positive to work with out of it. I can't imagine that your dad really doesn't want to love his grandchildren or for them to love him and want to be with him.

If it were me i would have a heart to heart talk with them. I wouldn't even mention the family member who told me. I would say that i notice that you do dont spend much time with my children. May i ask why? If they don't come clean, open up the conversation by saying is it because they have ADHD? If so, i dont think its fair for you to cut them out of your lives over something that they cannot control. Grandparents are supposed to love you unconditionally. If you dont want them in your life! Tell me right now! ...this way there's no sugar coating or anything like that because all the cards will be on the table. If they feel that way then other grandkids will receive favoritism over yours and you must protect your babies from that.

This may say more about your dad than about your kids. It may be a prelude to dementia. As we get older and older, it's more and more difficult to keep up with the world around us, so we try to slow it down or stop it..

My step-mom went through that, to the point where even moving a chair from where it was supposed to be sent her into a rage.

It may help to explain to your kids about it being an issue with your dad, and see what the can do to ease your dad through this. It may get worse and maybe their gift of empathy can help your dad hold in to life a bit longer.

I'd just say that your folks are highly nervous and can't handle the energy and excitement.

they can't help feeling that way any more than the kids can help their energy.

not everybody can get along. it's sad but not their fault.

and let them develop relationships with people that they can spend time with.

I really don't know what to suggest but you might want to say hey we're going to be over at the park I'd love it if you came by just to see my kids that way if they are too much for you you can leave at anytime.

I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. Sometimes when people age they are really sensitive to sudden movements or sudden noises or vibrations. This may or may not be the case but I hope it’s resolved soon.

That's straight out ostracism by the oldies. I have faced such situation as well but I just let my children be what they are and instead warned my parents and other oldies to shut up. I can understand your feelings but just think all others in your family are dead and focus on the future of your children.

The elders are nasty as they will try to discipline or program your child their way in the name of love. Do understand that their value systems are old school and they are simply jealous that new generation enjoys a lot of comfort which they did not have

And please stop classify your children as ADHD etc. and treating them differently. This is another medical scam to make you think that your children are abnormal.

Just let them be and instead focus on finding them more friends in their school and neighbourhood. Get and be of support to other parents.

They can learn to sit quietly and respectfully around grandpa. Let them practice and reward them for sitting patiently. Patience is a learned skill. Also educate them the importance of good manners. Then tell grandpa after they have learned that you have taught them good manners, and that they want to give him gifts. Also, they need to apologize to him for being disrespectful last time. It will make them kind, respectful kids, with high self-esteem.

Maybe meet outside somewhere public,where the children can play,like anybody's else outside,and Amy extra noise they might make from playing,if it gets too much the old can can just move away or go home. Some old folks are just not willing to have anything interrupting there quiet lives he probably feels like he doesn't need the hassle.which is a shame..

Tough break. Does your dad suffer from anxiety or something? If my great grandchildren are too full of beans I can see them giving my daughter a hard time.
In the meantime, yes you might well be doing the right thing to shield them from rejection

Tell both parents how much it hurts you and if they have a negative reaction to that, then of course you must protect your kids first of all.

Look at it more this way.... You don't want to expose your children to that intolerance. They deserve better.

More wisdom and power to you and also thanks for sharing your experience , I hope you get the right answer .

Dont pay any attention to the words of other including family member. Move normally

Dad (grandpa) and his wife = that's not the love of real grand parents