I Need Advice Ok..so I was married for 15yrs and was only intimate with my husband. Never...

Gigi1425 · 51-55, F

Well markpaul if I was having constant outbreaks it would have been on my mind....since I haven't had any in over 20 yrs and the doctor said it was dormant and could stay that way for years it didn't occur to me to say anything. The doctor also said not to worry about it cause at the time I got tested I didn't have any outbreaks it just laying dormant inside me.

walabby · M

HSV 1 is only transmissible when you actually have a sore.. You're ok..

Adaydreambeliever · 56-60, F

dunno.. it'a a huge minefield.. coldsores are very common.. not a huge deal.. re testing. remember that the test only shows you were ok at the moment you were tested.. if you have unprotected sex after the test you could be infected with something and not know until the next test... a better bet would be to be very sure of your sexual partners..
And it's good to worry not only about you passing things on.. but worry about THEM passing something on to you!!

Gigi1425 · 51-55, F

Oh markpaul .....I am sorry if you ate having some bad dates.....which it seems by your comments you are....its not my fault if your dates think you are disposable....I never said that about my date. I am just saying there is some personnel stuff I don't think you need to disclose to a first date if you don't know whether or not either one of you is going to want to go out again...fortunately for me i got a 2nd date and even though we haven't broached the subject of sex yet....I told him.

MarkPaul · 26-30, M

I think you all are missing the entire point of this. And, let me say I am not here to throw stones at anyone. But, whether we are talking about cold sores, the common cold, or a skin rash... you don't just assume you (and your doctor) know what's best for everyone else you interact with (or have sex with). How about showing some decency, some limited extension of caring for others besides what YOU hope to get out of the date and besides what YOU hope for your children? How about just letting the other person know the whole truth and let him/her decide if she/he wants to take it further instead of making the decision for him/her. What's next, are you going to order dinner for the other person because you know what's best to eat? If the other person doesn't even factor into your consideration why not just date a real-life doll?

MarkPaul · 26-30, M

Yes, yes, yes... I get it... we are talking about the lesser HSV1... I get that most of the world's population already has it... I even get that we just want to feel good about ourselves especially when we are out on a disposable date with a disposable person we probably don't want to see again (just as long as he pays for the dinner and whatever else the evening leads to). I get all that. What if we were just getting over a cold, the flu, or a bad case of gum disease? None of those are life-threatening and fairly common in the general population, so I guess by the "ethics and etiquette consensus" of this group none of those conditions should be revealed either. After all, we don't want to ruin the intrigue of tricking someone on a first date, do we?

MarkPaul · 26-30, M

Why do you feel the need to deflect the issue of your cavalier attitude by assuming I have been treated as disposable. This isn't a case of me projecting my dating life on your bad behavior. Saying, "I wasn't even sure if I wanted to see him again" sure as hell makes it sound like you never thought of him as much more than a disposable entity. And, telling him after the fact, suggests you KNEW it was wrong to hide the truth from him from the start. But, you decided you wanted to see what was in this, if anything, for yourself before you gave him all the facts? Isn't that an accurate interpretation of what went down the moment you agreed to go out with him and withhold "certain" information?

MarkPaul · 26-30, M

No, not sarcastic at all. And, yeah I get that you weren't "trying" to be malicious, but still... come on! This "feel good" attitude of "loads of people have it already, so why worry about infecting one more is downright selfish, troubling, and disgusting (to be honest). And, obviously, this guy was upset (as I would be). He (and I) trusted you. We TRUSTED you! And, you betrayed the trust out of... what, laziness? Were you afraid what he might think of you? Or, was it just because you figured this was just a disposable date with a disposable person? How about exercising some self-discipline, honesty, and sensitivity for others?

MarkPaul · 26-30, M

So only fatal diseases should be "politely" revealed and discussed on first dates? Remind me never to go out on a date with you... WAIT... I mean... no.. wait... I didn't mean... omg... oh boy...

SW-User

Walabby's answer is correct

Don't worry loads of people have had HSV-1

SW-User

Jasus all I asked her did she want to go for a drink... Didn't think of brining the Chem suit

MarkPaul · 26-30, M

The point is... we should reveal our true selves... yes even on first dates, when all of our attention is on creating an illusion of our perfect self. And, especially when it comes to transmitting a disease - whether a skin rash or gum disease OR HSV1 - rather than neglecting to leave that out of our cold, calculating first date chit-chat.

Gigi1425 · 51-55, F

Believe what you like.... Markpaul ... You don't know anything about me so don't assume you do know what I was thinking.. I appreciate your opinion on what I asked.... But since my doctor told me not to worry no I don't think I did anything wrong.... I was just looking to see what others thought.

Gigi1425 · 51-55, F

Thank you markcaesar....it was a first date and quick peck. We haven't even talked about sex or anything related to that subject. Had we talked about sex or getting tested I would have said something. I wasn't even sure if I wanted to see him again.

MarkCaesar · 56-60, M

You can only transmi herpes when you have a coldsore yourself. I have never had coldsores so I can only guess what I'd do, I think I would tell my partner. If you are going to, get the literature on it so you let him know that you're safe if you don't have one.

Gigi1425 · 51-55, F

Yes yeronlyman

SW-User

Easy tiger!

newstu · 61-69, M

good lord no xo

MarkPaul · 26-30, M

Hell, yes you were wrong, inconsiderate, and reckless. I hate first dates for this very reason. And, you are going to make me feel like an asshole for "grilling" my next first date?

Gigi1425 · 51-55, F

Thank you adaydreambelieve yes I do know it's important to have protected sex.... I have children that I want to be around a long time for. So protection is a must

SW-User

Markpaul... You do understand we are taking about HSV1 NOT HSV2

You understand the difference and the epidemiology? Yes?

walabby · M

I think that this guy that you dated is either ignorant, a prima donna or both. I don't see anything wrong with what you did or didn't do..

MarkPaul · 26-30, M

OMG... It's amazing how everyone just wants to project and rationalize their own self-serving behavior. It is genuinely troubling...

SW-User

Hehe

The choice is yours

Ms Ebola. ...
Ms Marburg. ...
Ms Hantavirus. ...
Ms Lassa. ...
Ms Rabies. ...
Ms Smallpox. ...
Ms Dengue. ...

;)

MrMeTheFirst · 31-35, M

idk, but this might interest you https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aU4VcOQzQm0

Gigi1425 · 51-55, F

Thanks for your opinion markpaul. Its not like I set out to be reckless and inconsidrate.

SW-User

You are talking about HSV-1? Affecting your mouth? Right?

walabby · M

Almost everyone would test positive for cold sores....

SW-User

Jasus MarkPaul... Lighten up buddy
It's not a date with Ms Ebola!

😉

Gigi1425 · 51-55, F

Its suppose to say was I wrong for not telling my date anything

SW-User

MarkPaul i suspect that's sarcastic humour?

Gemineye · 61-69, M

youre good!