@ThomReidTheBlack No - but I did have problems when one of my oldest platonic friends got a new boyfriend. Although he paid lip-service to respecting our relationship he did everything he could to undermine it. I gave him a job when he was out-of-work, and he stabbed me in the back over that too
Since the first day I heard of this vile group, I instantly thought of Beth and her wife educating little girls in Africa. Beth was my big sister in so many ways in my early days on EP. She was so influential in me becoming the person I am today. I don't want to say much, but in my early days interacting with you and the struggles we had, Beth counseled me through that and gave me the understanding that I needed.
@Spoiledbrat I agree. But it feels like it needs to start with romance and then add friendship to it. The part I don't understand is starting with friendship and adding romance. Like, how does that even work?
I did have a friendship that evolved into something else, this was one of those cases where timing was right but unfortunately distance was to great He was stationed on the other side of the globe and it didn’t work out 😔 Luckily we’re still on good terms and we talk every now and then 😊
It all depends how friendship evolves and how both feels about it. I do believe every relationship should have friendship as a base. With one, I started as dating, but as it progressed, she felt we have much strong friendship and she wanted to keep that way. As per her, it’s easy to find date or lover, but hard to find a good friend. And I respected her decision. We enjoyed our friendship with little bit of flirting. It’s all about trust and caring.
@Nick1 See, this makes sense to me. I feel like you can start with flirting and add friendship to it. But I don't know how to start with friendship and add flirting.
SW-User
I got too involved with someone I thought I could approach as a romantic partner but she only looks at me as nothing but a supportive friend. No matter how much I hinted at it she just said I was sweet but never anything she felt was a mutual feeling. So I am just going to back off now and keep other options open.. Although we did enjoy our lengthy chats. I will always be her friend but from a distance
Hell I can muck up anything with little effort. Personally I would rather build friendship and see how things go.
I have have long term friendships that I would never take to the next level not because I am worried about losing our friendship just that I have zero romantic interest in them.
@ShadowSister I suppose it also depends on what one is defining as romance. If we are talking a relationship based on lust that is just about messing around and having fun than a deeper connection is not required.
But for me when it comes to something deeper like love than a strong friendship is the basis for something like that.
@ThomReidTheBlack I would hope that any real romantic relationship would have friendship as a part of it. I think I am more surprised at friendship coming first.
Friendship is primary to any relationship. The onset phase is the flirting phase where both feel the romance. Friend zone is basically when there is no flirting or romance, and when someone proposes all of a sudden. But dating apps are the best to get to know someone's inside, which takes very long in traditional dating. Basically what she means is she gives priority to looks of the person and not the content.
If there is no attraction, it's just an acqaintance.
@in10RjFox I saw a definition of flirting somewhere that said it's just making the other person feel good about themselves. No reason you can't do that in a friendship, I guess.
@ShadowSister flirting is basically one's personality or disposition even amidst others. It's a personality trait. There is nothing romantic or sexual about it. It's how engaging one is. Even if two people of the same sex connect well it's because of their flirting tendency and start to interact or meet, that's true friendship. Else it's just an acquaintance like colleagues or relatives etc. where there is no bonding inbetween. In the case of attraction it would naturally progress to romance.
Yeah, happened years ago on ep/sw. We would exchange birthday gifts and stuff like that. Later it turned romantic, but the distance didn't help and later it fell apart. I don't have regrets though.
I am the opposite of your friend, so with you on this question. But for different reasons, I think.
As a child, I failed to learn the trick of friendship and I haven't picked it up since. If I relied on friends as the first step to "romance", I might as well become a nun.
So, I "date" or "hook up" or whatever the word is and hope that some form of friendship may emerge from the "romance", on the basis that it's nicer to be with someone you actually like and get along with.
People use the label friend zone because they're frustrated they've been rejected, not for the reason you describe.
A friendship that turns romantic has a much greater chance of success these days, because there's less expectation and more patience since neither party is in a hurry.
@BeefySenpie I agree. I don't like the term "friendzone" for that reason. Sometimes the term smuggles in an underlying expectation or resentment that the attraction is not reciprocated.
So given the danger that neither person wants there to be resentment or hurt, how would you even check in to see if the other person is even open? I don't know, the entire concept seems so fraught with potential problems. It kind of freaks me out.
I have had friendships that turned romantic, they were good relationships for me. It is easier to deal with someone I am already friendly with, chances are good that the subject would have come up, what I am looking for. A friend already knows most of my quirks, the goofy things I do and the things I do that annoy them. The women I already knew as friends were much more satisfying than dating a woman strictly as a potential life partner.
@Roadsterrider Was there flirting during the friendship though? That's the part I don't understand. If you have a friendship to start with but no romance, how does a couple even add romance to the equation? It feels so foreign to me.
@ShadowSister Not at first, it was something that kind of grew on it's own. I don't know how many anniversary posts I have seen that say "20 years ago, I married my best friend." Then on the other side of that are those that talk about being "friend zoned" meaning no relationship possibilities. I just know that for me, the women I dated where we were friends first, were better.
I’m sure it could happen. IMO if I’m starting a relationship, it’s either for friendship or a romantic connection. I don’t have many friends and I wouldn’t want to muck it up. If I try for something romantic and it doesn’t work, we part ways and move on.
My husband and I worked together for 13 years and were friends. We have now been married for 29 years so I would say yes. We have have had a wonderful marriage.
@ShadowSister I think there was a lot of sexual tension between us the last two - three years before marriage. We often traveled together a lot and worked together closely on projects. He was always nice, joked a lot and courteous but never pushy. We were both in bad marriages during the last 5 years we worked together but never thought about doing anything with each other until one night he wanted to give me a hug after a rough day and I wanted it but we didn't do it. About a month later we were out of town and we were out drinking and then that was the first time we just let go and spent the night together. He was already working on his divorce at the time and I felt he was the person I should have met an d married long before. The rest is history, our divorces were final within a year after that one night then were married a year later.
SW-User
The reverse can be as rewarding. My stepson and his former live-in girlfriend are now closer - as friends - then they were as lovers.
@SW-User Ahhh yes, I can totally see that. I sell Medicare, and I find myself talking to a lot of older couples who basically have this exact situation. They got divorced, but they still help each other through making big life decisions and things.
Yes, it can certainly happen, friends catching feelings for each other — or more likely, one friend catching feelings for the other, who has the other friend firmly in the friend zone.
@Manneeds Well that's the question, isn't it. How do you go from friendship, where neither person is pursuing it, to a relationship where both people want it and desire it?
@ShadowSister if neither person os pursuing it or does not want it then a relationship will never hapoen or work for it to work and happen both people have to want it and pursue it or there is no reason to try dm me
