Can a Friendship Turn Romantic?

@OlderSometimesWiser Interesting concept and very true

@OlderSometimesWiser Amen.

@sarabee1995 Oh. Ohhhhhh. Hoping the best for her. 🙏

@ShadowSister

Since the first day I heard of this vile group, I instantly thought of Beth and her wife educating little girls in Africa. Beth was my big sister in so many ways in my early days on EP. She was so influential in me becoming the person I am today. I don't want to say much, but in my early days interacting with you and the struggles we had, Beth counseled me through that and gave me the understanding that I needed.

@sarabee1995 Yikes. I really hope she's okay.

Oh right, early EP. Great, yeah, let's relive that little moment in history. I'm glad she helped you though everything.

@Spoiledbrat I agree. But it feels like it needs to start with romance and then add friendship to it. The part I don't understand is starting with friendship and adding romance. Like, how does that even work?

@Ashly Yeah, long distance relationships are soooo hard.

@Nick1 See, this makes sense to me. I feel like you can start with flirting and add friendship to it. But I don't know how to start with friendship and add flirting.

@SW-User Ahh, this is exactly the kind of scenario I had in mind when I asked the question. Thanks for your answer.

@ShadowSister Thank you much

@ThomReidTheBlack I guess I feel like you can add friendship to romance, but it's strange to me to add romance to friendship.

@ShadowSister I suppose it also depends on what one is defining as romance. If we are talking a relationship based on lust that is just about messing around and having fun than a deeper connection is not required.

But for me when it comes to something deeper like love than a strong friendship is the basis for something like that.

@ThomReidTheBlack I would hope that any real romantic relationship would have friendship as a part of it. I think I am more surprised at friendship coming first.

@SW-User How did you bring it up to your partners to see if it was reciprocated?

@ShadowSister unfortunately, this was a lesson learned. i've taken this perspective after being with my current partner.

Wish I knew then what I know now.

@SW-User I'm sorry that happened to you. Sounds like a good life lesson though.

@Cybermale Well I can't imagine how it could work without talking about it. But work your way into it together makes sense.

@ShadowSister its a slower pricess ,,but in the end it works better

@Cybermale Slow can be good if it gives you a good foundation together

@in10RjFox I saw a definition of flirting somewhere that said it's just making the other person feel good about themselves. No reason you can't do that in a friendship, I guess.

@ShadowSister flirting is basically one's personality or disposition even amidst others. It's a personality trait. There is nothing romantic or sexual about it. It's how engaging one is. Even if two people of the same sex connect well it's because of their flirting tendency and start to interact or meet, that's true friendship. Else it's just an acquaintance like colleagues or relatives etc. where there is no bonding inbetween. In the case of attraction it would naturally progress to romance.

@in10RjFox Well said

@Mudkip Distance. For sure. That is the worst part about an EP/SW relationship. I feel that hard.

@Elisbch Are you with someone now?

@ShadowSister .. No I'm not. I don't mind being single. 😊

@Elisbch That's great!

@Tastyfrzz ladygaga one of the worst role modes and examples in history !

@Manneeds I love Lady Gaga. Why the hate?

@ShadowSister no haye just pure honesty and truth large diffrence !

@ArtieKat Yeah. I have some ex girlfriends who are good friends. Has that ever given you problems with new partners taking issue with that?

@ThomReidTheBlack No - but I did have problems when one of my oldest platonic friends got a new boyfriend. Although he paid lip-service to respecting our relationship he did everything he could to undermine it. I gave him a job when he was out-of-work, and he stabbed me in the back over that too

@OliRos Hey now, nothing wrong with nuns! As a bi woman who leans towards women, I think I would very much like to be a nun myself. 😇

Joking aside, if that works for you, great! I do hope you have some girl friends in your life as well though for support when you need it.

In the actual friend sense, I mean. Not in the naughty nun sense. Unless you're into that sort of thing, of course. 😂 I'd best stop now.

@ShadowSister 😂😂😂 Yes, quit while you are ahead.

You got me at "bi... leaning towards women."

As for support, I don't even wear a bra.

@Roadsterrider Was there flirting during the friendship though? That's the part I don't understand. If you have a friendship to start with but no romance, how does a couple even add romance to the equation? It feels so foreign to me.

@ShadowSister Not at first, it was something that kind of grew on it's own. I don't know how many anniversary posts I have seen that say "20 years ago, I married my best friend." Then on the other side of that are those that talk about being "friend zoned" meaning no relationship possibilities. I just know that for me, the women I dated where we were friends first, were better.

@BeefySenpie I agree. I don't like the term "friendzone" for that reason. Sometimes the term smuggles in an underlying expectation or resentment that the attraction is not reciprocated.

So given the danger that neither person wants there to be resentment or hurt, how would you even check in to see if the other person is even open? I don't know, the entire concept seems so fraught with potential problems. It kind of freaks me out.

@brian29715 Same

@acpguy What a great story!!! May I ask, how did it turn romantic?

@ShadowSister I think there was a lot of sexual tension between us the last two - three years before marriage. We often traveled together a lot and worked together closely on projects. He was always nice, joked a lot and courteous but never pushy. We were both in bad marriages during the last 5 years we worked together but never thought about doing anything with each other until one night he wanted to give me a hug after a rough day and I wanted it but we didn't do it. About a month later we were out of town and we were out drinking and then that was the first time we just let go and spent the night together. He was already working on his divorce at the time and I felt he was the person I should have met an d married long before. The rest is history, our divorces were final within a year after that one night then were married a year later.

@SW-User Ahhh yes, I can totally see that. I sell Medicare, and I find myself talking to a lot of older couples who basically have this exact situation. They got divorced, but they still help each other through making big life decisions and things.

@ShadowSister it is my fault as my aggressiveness pushed her away

@Moneyonmymind Do you think part of it is learning how to be more subtle? I don't ask that in judgment. I'm just sorting through my take.

@ShadowSister yes I was a bit immature back then, I took her for granted, now we barely speak

@Manneeds Well that's the question, isn't it. How do you go from friendship, where neither person is pursuing it, to a relationship where both people want it and desire it?

@ShadowSister if neither person os pursuing it or does not want it then a relationship will never hapoen or work for it to work and happen both people have to want it and pursue it or there is no reason to try dm me