Can a Friendship Turn Romantic?

I had a conversation with a friend over the weekend who said she hates using dating apps. She prefers to get to know someone as a friend first, and then see if it turns into something romantic.

I commented how that feels exactly opposite of my experience. For me, when someone is a friend, you don't want to muck it up by adding a romantic dimension to the relationship. It's why people have labeled it the "friend zone." My friend said she finds it much easier to ask out someone she already has built trust with. And I said that I would find it much more awkward to do so.

What do you think? Have you ever experienced a friendship turned romantic? If so, how did it happen? Because sorry, I just can't get my mind around it.

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sarabee1995 · 26-30, F

I'm with your friend.

Not only do I [b]prefer[/b] to know someone as a friend first, [b]everyone[/b] I've dated in the last ten years (my entire adulthood) has been a friend first.

I don't trust most people enough to jump right into something romantic. I need time to get to know them first.

ShadowSister · 46-50, F

@sarabee1995 Okay, it's been a long time ago with Alex. But didn't she show intent almost immediately with you? I thought the two of you were always at least a bit flirty.

sarabee1995 · 26-30, F

@ShadowSister We met opening day of our freshman years in high school, so 13 years old. We were friends all through out high school, so through 18 years old. Our first date was during the week after "Senior Week" and just before graduation, so again, 18 years old. By then we were well established friends.

And it's been on-again/off-again since then. Our current relationship is the third attempt at making it work. During all the off times, we remained friends.

ShadowSister · 46-50, F

@sarabee1995 Ah yes, I am remembering now. I remember a beach party being involved. At least that's how I filed it in my mind. I remember being very happy for you.

So how did the transition from friends to dating actually happen? Who took the initiative? I seem to recall it being her. What did she actually do to show interest? And how did she keep it from getting weird?

sarabee1995 · 26-30, F

@ShadowSister Wow, yes, your memory is pretty good!! The senior class beach bonfire was the event. Alex and I sat on a log by ourselves and talked forever and decided to go sailing the following weekend. It wasn't until the middle of the intervening week that I realized that was an actual date! 🤣🤣🤣

ShadowSister · 46-50, F

@sarabee1995 Ah she snuck it in under the radar then! I think that's part of the key. She connected with something you are passionate about. I am pretty sure it took exactly zero convincing to agree to take a friend out sailing.

The reason I remember is because it basically played out in my mind like the beach party in Karate Kid. Except without it ending in a fight.

sarabee1995 · 26-30, F

@ShadowSister Actually it was me who asked her if she'd want to come sailing. We were seniors. We were about to graduate and never see most of these people again. Here was someone I wanted to stay connected to, so I said hey you wanna go sailing next weekend. That was it.

Then on EP ... you remember Beth and Izzy (I know you do) ... they referred to that coming Saturday as a date. I was like ... it's not a date? or is it? Lol. On Wednesday I asked Alex if Saturday was a date. She said something like "I hope so!". Hahahaha ... I was clueless until that point that she liked me "in that way"!!

Btw, she teases me about it to this day.

ShadowSister · 46-50, F

@sarabee1995 OMG I love that soooo much. It is very Sara that you didn't even realize it was a date. Beth and Issy were great. You and I have talked a bit about Issy, but what happened with Beth?

sarabee1995 · 26-30, F

@ShadowSister Well, Beth was originally British and her wife was German. While we knew them, they both emigrated to France and became French citizens. I'm sure you recall that part; it was a very proud day for Beth. Subsequently, Beth and ... ugh, I forget her wife's name ... sold everything including their home in France (outside Lyon if I recall correctly) and moved to Africa to help educate young women. At that point they dropped off all social media including EP.

ShadowSister · 46-50, F

@sarabee1995 Oh yes I think I remember her talking about that move! It's so great that she did that, but it's sad to not have her here anymore.

sarabee1995 · 26-30, F

@ShadowSister Yes, it is admirable for sure. But, you understand that Sub-Saharan Africa (this is where she went) does not exactly embrace the concept of educating young girls (and this is why they went). I hope and pray they are alive and well, but the fate of European educators in that part of the world is far from certain, especially when you add in the LGBTQ factor.

ShadowSister · 46-50, F

@sarabee1995 Ohhhhh. Good point. Depending on where, i feel like it could be safer than parts of northern Africa. But that may be outsiders bias that has no grounds in reality, idk.

sarabee1995 · 26-30, F

@ShadowSister Boko Haram. 😔

ShadowSister · 46-50, F

@sarabee1995 Oh. Ohhhhhh. Hoping the best for her. 🙏

sarabee1995 · 26-30, F

@ShadowSister [center]🙏[/center]

Since the first day I heard of this vile group, I instantly thought of Beth and her wife educating little girls in Africa. Beth was my big sister in so many ways in my early days on EP. She was so influential in me becoming the person I am today. I don't want to say much, but in my early days interacting with you and the struggles we had, Beth counseled me through that and gave me the understanding that I needed.

ShadowSister · 46-50, F

@sarabee1995 Yikes. I really hope she's okay.

Oh right, early EP. Great, yeah, let's relive that little moment in history. I'm glad she helped you though everything.