Casheyane · 31-35, F
Maybe take a vacation together. And you know what, actually, fight.
Give both yourselves chances to figure out who you are aside from being parents to kids. The reality is, you're draining out of love because you keep believing you have to live for other people. While that is sacrificial, it does not have to be everything.
It is very easy to lose that mindset and lose yourself in the process of caring for another the way you think is right. I would know. My life is a testament of that and I am literally locked in my room right now, wanting to scream into the void. I don't know whether to leave somewhere far, or really leave, leave as in out of the country and let these people care for themselves.
But see the thing about people we love is that they make us crazy, but we want to see them live their best lives.
The reality is we have to learn how to give ourselves the kind of love we need too. Losing that, that is when we feel so very lost and out of touch.
Give both yourselves chances to figure out who you are aside from being parents to kids. The reality is, you're draining out of love because you keep believing you have to live for other people. While that is sacrificial, it does not have to be everything.
It is very easy to lose that mindset and lose yourself in the process of caring for another the way you think is right. I would know. My life is a testament of that and I am literally locked in my room right now, wanting to scream into the void. I don't know whether to leave somewhere far, or really leave, leave as in out of the country and let these people care for themselves.
But see the thing about people we love is that they make us crazy, but we want to see them live their best lives.
The reality is we have to learn how to give ourselves the kind of love we need too. Losing that, that is when we feel so very lost and out of touch.
Adogslife · 61-69, M
Captain · 61-69, M
Sounds like my story except I've waited 36 years until the kids leave home. I now question if that was the right choice. Things have only ever got worse for us. Back then it seemed like the only choice. I earnt the money, she spent it on the kids. There's nothing left for me, Im not sure there's anything left for her.You have to make up your own mind, Its good to vent though so vent away.
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Captain · 61-69, M
@in10RjFox I dont feel like a saint - I recognise I'm walking down a road of sin I would never had taken if things had been good between us - and its not the right road - but I dont want to die without having lived first - as I will do. if I do nothjing - and if I am being selfish in that, then I should be judged by that - but don't forget she's been the one threatening to kick me out - not the other way around - even though our earnings have always been 5:1 mine to her's going into the household but she's the one with the minature cup colleciton and the campoer van and the model railway, and who decides shes off on holiday and I'm just an option to go with her if I want. I've just got a leather chair to show for it.
@tiltawhirl yes I'm not trying to be mean about this at all. If only You knew It will literally mess those kids up so bad and change their innocence, their whole world. It will change who they are.
This is something going on inside yourself. I would bet my bottom dollar this has nothing to do with your husband. You have an unrest and unresolved things that need to be taken care of. You can do that and work on yourself without destroying a family. I know you don't mean to, but that's the way it will end. So many hearts will break and it will not only affect them now, but I promise you the rest of their lives.
This is something going on inside yourself. I would bet my bottom dollar this has nothing to do with your husband. You have an unrest and unresolved things that need to be taken care of. You can do that and work on yourself without destroying a family. I know you don't mean to, but that's the way it will end. So many hearts will break and it will not only affect them now, but I promise you the rest of their lives.
tiltawhirl · 36-40, F
@LadyGrace I really think you are 💯 correct and that makes so much sense. It is something within me and not him. My parents divorced when I was an adult and I’m okay but I do remember feeling angry at my dad when my mom would call me crying but I am okay. They would also be adults. But you are right that this is definitely something that is within myself going on. That makes sooo much sense!!!
Harhhar · 36-40
@tiltawhirl Sounds like you may have never healed in quite a few ways. :(
MrAverage1965 · 61-69, M
DanielsASJ · 36-40, M
WindTherapy · 56-60, M
I wouldn't be surprised if the kids sensed it more than you realize. Maybe they too are putting on a good face.
Harhhar · 36-40
@tiltawhirl I suppose a question is are you frustrated he is...passive? And you feel maybe he should be helping guide and support you and isn't?
tiltawhirl · 36-40, F
@Harhhar no still not it. He has always been good to me. I guess from the outside looking in it wouldn’t make sense to anyone. You’d just have to live it I guess lol
HappyMegan · 18-21, F
2 divorces? 😑 How about you stop marrying people if you are not sure you will want to stay with them? Why get married if you're gonna divorce? Just have boyfriends. You're clearly not marriage material. I just hope there's no kids to suffer for your mistake... I have friends with divorced parents and they are very sad about it.
tiltawhirl · 36-40, F
@HappyMegan sorry but come back when you are a little older
littlepuppywantanewlife · 31-35, M
@HappyMegan I guess she will be taking the kids together. However divorce will impact them especially if they are teenagers.
I'm sorry. Is he abusive?
tiltawhirl · 36-40, F
@LadyGrace not in the least bit
Kygirl · F
Please rethink the idea that you want a divorce. When you married you made a Covenant with God and he doesn't take to kindly when we breaks Covenants that we made with him.
HBguy · 61-69, M
Did you end up parting ways? I hope all is well!
When you seek input or 'advice' from people on a social media site, I hope you realize...
That most women who are encouraging you to get a divorce are only seeking online allies to aid in the continuance of their bitter, male-bashing agenda. They are recruiting.
Most social media men who encourage a divorce see a potential opportunity to pounce on a vulnerable woman.
Neither cares about your well being.
That most women who are encouraging you to get a divorce are only seeking online allies to aid in the continuance of their bitter, male-bashing agenda. They are recruiting.
Most social media men who encourage a divorce see a potential opportunity to pounce on a vulnerable woman.
Neither cares about your well being.
tiltawhirl · 36-40, F
@SmileOnYourBrother I understand but honestly some of the advice I got here from a few people helped me to realize I was nosediving into a decision that could have extreme consequences and regrets and based on their advice I actually decided not to throw in the towel and keep trying. Not everyone is out to give bad advice.
@tiltawhirl That's why I said "most". A good (successful) marriage REQUIRES a great deal of sacrifice, commitment, and compromise. In other words...hard work...from both, no matter how much you "love" each other.
Harhhar · 36-40
@tiltawhirl Glad to hear you're in a better place.
in10RjFox · M
Im really upset so I’m not really looking for advice or anything like that I’m just venting and here is a great place to do that.
For that you could have sent an email to yourself so you can read it.
What are we here! A garbage dump ?
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JohnOlinger81 · 41-45, M
JohnOlinger81 · 41-45, M
@tiltawhirl Im a popular user on here SW Legend
JohnOlinger81 · 41-45, M
@JohnOlinger81 we might of chatted before
tiltawhirl · 36-40, F
@JohnOlinger81 I’m not really sure. I deleted a lot of my messages from years ago.
masterofyou · 70-79, M
tiltawhirl · 36-40, F
@masterofyou thank you so much but you don't need to feel bad for me. it is just life. i will be fine. he will be fine. we will move on to other things. lots of good has come from this marriage as well so i will just choose to see it that way. and who knows.. my youngest still has almost 3 years until she is an adult so maybe we would end up being better by then i guess only time will tell.
masterofyou · 70-79, M
@tiltawhirl i know its just life, its your life, so sad when love goes away, God bless and good luck 🫂
tiltawhirl · 36-40, F
@sstronaut I don’t know but that is something to consider
smileylovesgaming · 31-35, F
Have u two seen a counselor yet
Rolexeo · 26-30, M
@tiltawhirl maybe you're being a little impulsive, but idk
smileylovesgaming · 31-35, F
@tiltawhirl I mean u two have been married for 12 year's u really don't want to throw all that away without at least seeing a counselor first
SWfan · 41-45, M
@tiltawhirl there are exceptions such as you and your husband, there's no joint property so that's one less thing to deal with.
tiltawhirl · 36-40, F
@SWfan I do see how it could be an issue for others but yes in our situation he will be a free bird. I am not a fan of screwing someone over either.
StarsMISaligned · 51-55, F
tiltawhirl · 36-40, F
@StarsMISaligned lol love the ALLTHEDAMNTIME. And maybe you are right
StarsMISaligned · 51-55, F
@tiltawhirl and to promise and vow to stick with 1 person your whoooole life...I don't think its natural. Its annoying lol
uikakarotuevegeta · 26-30
@StarsMISaligned yeah most people are naturally polygamous
Moneyonmymind · 31-35, M
Moneyonmymind · 31-35, M
@tiltawhirl no no it was the other commenter I was referring to wifeyjj
tiltawhirl · 36-40, F
@Moneyonmymind ohh okay sorry about that then love
Moneyonmymind · 31-35, M
@tiltawhirl lol you’re good!
littlepuppywantanewlife · 31-35, M
Are you divorcing him for alimony? If yes then how much will you demand?
tiltawhirl · 36-40, F
@littlepuppywantanewlife absolutely not. I don’t believe in alimony. I’m on my own after divorce
Ambroseguy80 · 56-60, M
Sorry for your misery. 🤗