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I want a divorce

I have decided I’m done. I just can’t anymore. After 12 years married and 15 years together and knowing each other for over 20 years. And I’ve already had one divorce in my early 20s. I’m just a failure. And I won’t even do this until my kids are adults because I know it will still hurt them as adults but I won’t take away the last few years of childhood from them so I have to suck it up and pretend to be happy. And don’t worry we don’t fight in front of them and when we do fight we are very silent so the kids think all is well and it will stay that way. We are just growing farther apart in all aspects lately and I don’t even want to be around him. Im really upset so I’m not really looking for advice or anything like that I’m just venting and here is a great place to do that. I’m just sooo done and honestly if he wants to be honest with himself I think he is too.

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Casheyane · 31-35, F

Maybe take a vacation together. And you know what, actually, fight.
Give both yourselves chances to figure out who you are aside from being parents to kids. The reality is, you're draining out of love because you keep believing you have to live for other people. While that is sacrificial, it does not have to be everything.

It is very easy to lose that mindset and lose yourself in the process of caring for another the way you think is right. I would know. My life is a testament of that and I am literally locked in my room right now, wanting to scream into the void. I don't know whether to leave somewhere far, or really leave, leave as in out of the country and let these people care for themselves.
But see the thing about people we love is that they make us crazy, but we want to see them live their best lives.

The reality is we have to learn how to give ourselves the kind of love we need too. Losing that, that is when we feel so very lost and out of touch.

BuzzedLightyear · 61-69

@Casheyane she said not looking for advice but here your are with all of your wisdom

redredred · M

@Casheyane a divorce is not a failure, it’s a move in the right direction

SWfan · 41-45, M

@Casheyane that's an excellent idea.

Adogslife · 61-69, M

My first marriage ended after my second daughter was off in college. Too many years of what’d commonly be called a sexless marriage.

I remarried less than two years ago after dating for six years. I’m much happier.

You’ll likely find the same happiness.

ronisme1 · 61-69, M

I was married for 17 years when i was divorced. I met my current wife and have now been married for 30 plus years. You just know

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in10RjFox · M

@ronisme1 just because she wants to call it quits on her marriage, doesn't mean she's flirting and cheating. You cannot impose your strategy on someone else. God knows you don't cheat by the books, but he knows how you cheat in disguise but trying to paint yourself as a saint.

ronisme1 · 61-69, M

@in10RjFox i am not a saint. Never said i was. She is able to log on here and read everything i say and do. Success is based on communication. And i am lacking excitement and adventure. Something i cant have with a heart condition

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RoguishEyes

This is what you said 2 weeks ago...

my husband is actually a great husband. He’s loving, sweet, and supportive..... He’s not abusive or gaslighting me or anything of that sort. All he ever is, is supportive.

🤔

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LadyGrace ·

@tiltawhirl yes I'm not trying to be mean about this at all. If only You knew It will literally mess those kids up so bad and change their innocence, their whole world. It will change who they are.

This is something going on inside yourself. I would bet my bottom dollar this has nothing to do with your husband. You have an unrest and unresolved things that need to be taken care of. You can do that and work on yourself without destroying a family. I know you don't mean to, but that's the way it will end. So many hearts will break and it will not only affect them now, but I promise you the rest of their lives.

tiltawhirl · 36-40, F

@LadyGrace I really think you are 💯 correct and that makes so much sense. It is something within me and not him. My parents divorced when I was an adult and I’m okay but I do remember feeling angry at my dad when my mom would call me crying but I am okay. They would also be adults. But you are right that this is definitely something that is within myself going on. That makes sooo much sense!!!

Harhhar · 36-40

@tiltawhirl Sounds like you may have never healed in quite a few ways. :(

MrAverage1965 · 61-69, M

As they say "It's good to talk"
Vent away.
Also you are not failure there are many, many people in the same situation as you.
In fact you are a success because you have decided to put your children first.

Houdini · 56-60, M

I know that feeling but sometimes it’s hard to just say what you know you should say but just can’t get the word out. As I’m in this very same position I know how you feel

DanielsASJ · 36-40, M

Wanna talk about what things you guys really fight about? I mean he is a human being and you too are one. What could go wrong between two of you to the point that you would want to break apart? Are we human beings ever happy with someone else?

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LadyGrace ·

@tiltawhirl Then why are you doing this? This Will destroy so many lives, trust me.

tiltawhirl · 36-40, F

@LadyGrace I know. I’m really taking your advice with consideration

LadyGrace ·

@tiltawhirl once you go down that road there's no turning back and repairing hearts. Please remember that.

dale74 · M

Your life seems so overwhelming have you tried meditating or praying even spending time in nature.

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SWfan · 41-45, M

@dale74 I don't think that praying, meditating or praying even spending time in nature is going to get the job done.

dale74 · M

@SWfan then the problem maybe within you.

SWfan · 41-45, M

@dale74 it depends on your perspective

dale74 · M

I also don't like most therapists they don't try to fix the situation by offering help.

Watch this movie:
[media=https://youtu.be/THy30pKVcM4]

SWfan · 41-45, M

@dale74 there are good and bad therapists.

Harhhar · 36-40

You're not a failure unless you decide to be. Both of you can grow and re add some spice, if you want to.

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Harhhar · 36-40

@tiltawhirl I suppose a question is are you frustrated he is...passive? And you feel maybe he should be helping guide and support you and isn't?

tiltawhirl · 36-40, F

@Harhhar no still not it. He has always been good to me. I guess from the outside looking in it wouldn’t make sense to anyone. You’d just have to live it I guess lol

Harhhar · 36-40

@tiltawhirl Hm, not quite what I meant. Good to you isn't pushing you to be a bigger or better you, or taking your hand as if it were a Waltz, where he was leading and you keeping in step.

In sum, he's too good to you?

HappyMegan · 18-21, F

2 divorces? 😑 How about you stop marrying people if you are not sure you will want to stay with them? Why get married if you're gonna divorce? Just have boyfriends. You're clearly not marriage material. I just hope there's no kids to suffer for your mistake... I have friends with divorced parents and they are very sad about it.

tiltawhirl · 36-40, F

@HappyMegan sorry but come back when you are a little older

littlepuppywantanewlife · 31-35, M

@HappyMegan I guess she will be taking the kids together. However divorce will impact them especially if they are teenagers.

LadyGrace ·

I'm sorry. Is he abusive?

tiltawhirl · 36-40, F

@LadyGrace not in the least bit

Kygirl · F

Please rethink the idea that you want a divorce. When you married you made a Covenant with God and he doesn't take to kindly when we breaks Covenants that we made with him.

DViper97 · 51-55, M

Sorry to read this! Hope you’re ok.

in10RjFox · M

Im really upset so I’m not really looking for advice or anything like that I’m just venting and here is a great place to do that.

For that you could have sent an email to yourself so you can read it.

What are we here! A garbage dump ?

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Wifeyjj · 26-30, F

I hope things improve for you.

LandOfOz · 61-69, M

sorry to learn all that

JohnOlinger81 · 41-45, M

Im glad i never got married

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JohnOlinger81 · 41-45, M

@tiltawhirl Im a popular user on here SW Legend

JohnOlinger81 · 41-45, M

@JohnOlinger81 we might of chatted before

tiltawhirl · 36-40, F

@JohnOlinger81 I’m not really sure. I deleted a lot of my messages from years ago.

masterofyou · 70-79, M

No advice just feel bad for you 😕...

tiltawhirl · 36-40, F

@masterofyou thank you so much but you don't need to feel bad for me. it is just life. i will be fine. he will be fine. we will move on to other things. lots of good has come from this marriage as well so i will just choose to see it that way. and who knows.. my youngest still has almost 3 years until she is an adult so maybe we would end up being better by then i guess only time will tell.