I want a divorce

I have decided I’m done. I just can’t anymore. After 12 years married and 15 years together and knowing each other for over 20 years. And I’ve already had one divorce in my early 20s. I’m just a failure. And I won’t even do this until my kids are adults because I know it will still hurt them as adults but I won’t take away the last few years of childhood from them so I have to suck it up and pretend to be happy. And don’t worry we don’t fight in front of them and when we do fight we are very silent so the kids think all is well and it will stay that way. We are just growing farther apart in all aspects lately and I don’t even want to be around him. Im really upset so I’m not really looking for advice or anything like that I’m just venting and here is a great place to do that. I’m just sooo done and honestly if he wants to be honest with himself I think he is too.