I want a divorce

I have decided I’m done. I just can’t anymore. After 12 years married and 15 years together and knowing each other for over 20 years. And I’ve already had one divorce in my early 20s. I’m just a failure. And I won’t even do this until my kids are adults because I know it will still hurt them as adults but I won’t take away the last few years of childhood from them so I have to suck it up and pretend to be happy. And don’t worry we don’t fight in front of them and when we do fight we are very silent so the kids think all is well and it will stay that way. We are just growing farther apart in all aspects lately and I don’t even want to be around him. Im really upset so I’m not really looking for advice or anything like that I’m just venting and here is a great place to do that. I’m just sooo done and honestly if he wants to be honest with himself I think he is too.

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DanielsASJ · 36-40, M

Wanna talk about what things you guys really fight about? I mean he is a human being and you too are one. What could go wrong between two of you to the point that you would want to break apart? Are we human beings ever happy with someone else?

tiltawhirl · 36-40, F

@DanielsASJ the thing is we really don’t fight about much?

DanielsASJ · 36-40, M

@tiltawhirl Then that's even better. Why keep fighting over little things like school children?

tiltawhirl · 36-40, F

@DanielsASJ we do not fight over children lol. It’s not really so much fighting. It’s more about what our marriage lacks and how over time we are drifting more and more apart it seems. And also his mood is sort of off putting. And we don’t spend any time together which I know is more so my fault but when we do spend time together it’s not really that enjoyable.

DanielsASJ · 36-40, M

@tiltawhirl I don't know what kind of expectations do people have in marriages after they are in their late 30s or early 40s. Everything has its age. Our biological clocks define us. You have had a full youth exploration. Now it's time to live for your kids.

But I may be wrong about the clocks and all. Who knows what people want in their lives.

tiltawhirl · 36-40, F

@DanielsASJ believe me I have and do live for my kids. All the time, always. I dedicate everything to them. But they are almost grown now. Then it’s okay to find out who I am once again? I mean I’ll still be there when they need me of course.

Harhhar · 36-40

@tiltawhirl Living for your kids...isn't good for them or you. You can find out who you are now; there is a need for expectations and standards for your life - and it doesn't seem you are getting that at all. :(

tiltawhirl · 36-40, F

@Harhhar thank you I am trying a little now to figure that out, yes. But also of course being full time mom while doing so.

Harhhar · 36-40

@tiltawhirl So, I know you've been a full time mom, but perhaps it's time not to be? What you're saying makes sense to me, because my gal and I went through this phase and came out the other side. I say this with a lot of love for men; we're sort of clueless *grin* And if you have to do all the mental work of explaining to your husband what he would need to do to help you figure you out, why stay with him?

Gibbon · 70-79, M

@tiltawhirl I understand the drifting. It happened in my first marriage. It's difficult to explain to others. It was mostly her that wanted it and I suspect why. Her life and work associates were changing as was the commute getting longer. My willingness to move had no affect. We parted on friendly terms but I refused to look back. I believe a year later she had second thoughts because twice I saw her out the window on the corner looking at the house.

LadyGrace ·

@tiltawhirl it just sounds like you're bored with your marriage. You're giving up so quick and easily when you said he's a great guy. What is with this? You have children involved. It sounds like it could be worked out, but you're like tired of being married or just tired of him. You're going to just throw the marriage away like that when the guy you said is a great guy? Think what it will do to the children.

tiltawhirl · 36-40, F

@LadyGrace really you could be right. I don’t really know at this point. But your perspective does help me so I do thank you.

LadyGrace ·

@tiltawhirl I'd have given anything if I had had a husband like you make yours sound.

tiltawhirl · 36-40, F

@LadyGrace I know. And I even said that on my other post. I said he’s what a lot of women would want

LadyGrace ·

@tiltawhirl Then why are you doing this? This Will destroy so many lives, trust me.

tiltawhirl · 36-40, F

@LadyGrace I know. I’m really taking your advice with consideration

LadyGrace ·

@tiltawhirl once you go down that road there's no turning back and repairing hearts. Please remember that.