How physically motivated are women?

@iamnikki I had to go one time when I was 16 to take my fucking driving test and I swear to god it was about as fun as smacking your head into a door. I had to wait for three and a half hours in a big room full of angry Black people and weird old bird women and screaming babies while an automated voice in the ceiling called out random combinations of letters and numbers, and every time I went up to a window they told me I filled out the wrong form.

@BlueMetalChick no, the dmv isn't fun. Not all black people are angry, I'm not. You can renew online like I do. Haven't been to dmv since 16

@iamnikki Lol I know not all Black people are angry, it just seems like for some reason all the people in the Laramie neighborhood here in Chicago are Black and constantly angry, and there's lots of weird old bird women too.

@redredred why is that if I got on and complained about a wife who has put on weight I would be the bad guy?

Yes, one. Adult now.@waleskinder

@iamnikki she has gained about 40 lbs since our wedding. I have gained about 50 lbs since our wedding- twenty years ago.

@iamnikki I don't think I look sloppy, I am a shade over 6 feet and 260. She is 5'7" and 200 so I think we are similarly overweight but we carry it different and I have never minded her weight, I don't find her sexually appealing all the time anymore but that is about what she refuses to let me do with and to her sexually - not her weight.

@Genieinabottle hmm, maybe yall could work out together?

@CoxswainOtter I bet women wouldn't though.

@CoxswainOtter oh no, on a completely separate note I think that if a man came on and said his wife gained a bunch of weight and he didn't love her anymore because of that that he would be burned at the stake. Whereas, my wife doesn't love me like she used to and it's still my fault.

@Genieinabottle Self love is very important. It is also really attractive. Trust me I have been where you are ( not the exact same but a similar way ) my boyfriend cheated on and I lost all self confidence, I gained weight and just decided to give up on me. That is really not sexy. No one wants that. We all have our down times, we are human imperfect. But if you want her to make an effort with making you feel attractive you have to make an effort in being attractive. One might think you work for the both of you, if you didn't work you'd have no way either same as her. Relationships are give and take, if you want to take from one element of the relationship you need to be willing to give there too. Both of you matter and deserve to feel loved, wanted and supported. But it starts with ourselves, from my own experience not even someone I love could make me feel attractive until I put the work in and knew it wasn't just an opinion.

That's very good advice, Between'. It's been years since I cared about life. Mostly I got tired of losing and tired of caring when I did. Life wasn't always hard for me which is why is it SO hard now I think. Things came to me very easily. School, work, talking to people, interactions professional and personal, work and expectations all seemed to fall into place for me for most of my life. I got complacent giving half effort and getting better than average results. As I aged and ultimately when my father died, something in my head changed or broke. Everything is hard now, talking to people is a struggle, social anxiety, borderline agoraphobia (certainly I would never go outside if I could avoid it) sexual dysfunction, sexual problems with my wife. All of this happened at once. It was like the world got pulled out from under my feet. I thought I was going places and now I think I am going nowhere. My wife should and probably will leave me eventually because I have become a no one after a head start that almost ensured success. I never had anyone's death affect me at all, not at all - no one - then my father died and a fuse blew in my head. Things have never been the same. It was 9 years ago now. I used to have goals. I used to have dreams. I used to be thin and take no garbage medications into my body. I am fat, sickly, sad and pathetic now. I have no clue how the wife is still with me. I think she is scared to be alone. I do earn well, that's it though. If I were braver I would take a bullet and be done with it. @Mrsbetweenfatandfit

@Genieinabottle I'd suggest you reach out to therapy, and possibly some antidepressant medications. Then you need to start trying again. Life is not easy, I'm sorry you didn't feel prepared for that fact and have fallen behind. But life is not over. You get to choose to improve yourself, your mood and your future or to quit. But suicide is such an ugly, painful thing it impacts many lives and they never fully heal. It isn't like natural death which still cause significant pain and scars. Get yourself help, make yourself a man you are proud to be. Be a man your wife deserves, she already loves you. So learn to love yourself, get help.