How physically motivated are women?

I don't love myself. Maybe that's the problem. I hate the ME that I have become but not enough to change. @Mrsbetweenfatandfit

@Genieinabottle Admitting that is a good first step. But if you don't care enough to improve it then you can't expect your wife to care enough to do what you want.

Fair point. I guess I expected her to be there for me regardless of how I feel about myself. I still get up and go to work every day for her don't I?@Mrsbetweenfatandfit

@Genieinabottle Self love is very important. It is also really attractive. Trust me I have been where you are ( not the exact same but a similar way ) my boyfriend cheated on and I lost all self confidence, I gained weight and just decided to give up on me. [i]That[/i] is really not sexy. No one wants that. We all have our down times, we are human imperfect. But if you want her to make an effort with making you feel attractive you have to make an effort in being attractive. One might think you work for the both of you, if you didn't work you'd have no way either same as her. Relationships are give and take, if you want to take from one element of the relationship you need to be willing to give there too. Both of you matter and deserve to feel loved, wanted and supported. But it starts with ourselves, from my own experience not even someone I love could make me feel attractive until I put the work in and knew it wasn't just an opinion.

That's very good advice, Between'. It's been years since I cared about life. Mostly I got tired of losing and tired of caring when I did. Life wasn't always hard for me which is why is it SO hard now I think. Things came to me very easily. School, work, talking to people, interactions professional and personal, work and expectations all seemed to fall into place for me for most of my life. I got complacent giving half effort and getting better than average results. As I aged and ultimately when my father died, something in my head changed or broke. Everything is hard now, talking to people is a struggle, social anxiety, borderline agoraphobia (certainly I would never go outside if I could avoid it) sexual dysfunction, sexual problems with my wife. All of this happened at once. It was like the world got pulled out from under my feet. I thought I was going places and now I think I am going nowhere. My wife should and probably will leave me eventually because I have become a no one after a head start that almost ensured success. I never had anyone's death affect me at all, not at all - no one - then my father died and a fuse blew in my head. Things have never been the same. It was 9 years ago now. I used to have goals. I used to have dreams. I used to be thin and take no garbage medications into my body. I am fat, sickly, sad and pathetic now. I have no clue how the wife is still with me. I think she is scared to be alone. I do earn well, that's it though. If I were braver I would take a bullet and be done with it. @Mrsbetweenfatandfit

@Genieinabottle I'd suggest you reach out to therapy, and possibly some antidepressant medications. Then you need to start trying again. Life is not easy, I'm sorry you didn't feel prepared for that fact and have fallen behind. But life is not over. You get to choose to improve yourself, your mood and your future or to quit. But suicide is such an ugly, painful thing it impacts many lives and they never fully heal. It isn't like natural death which still cause significant pain and scars. Get yourself help, make yourself a man you are proud to be. Be a man your wife deserves, she already loves you. So learn to love yourself, get help.