Will my betrayal trauma carry into my new relationship?

You will start to feel better when you are with someone that doesn’t cheat on you and someone who doesn’t make you feel like you’d ever even need to check their phone. When you’re in a healthy relationship and time passes by without you having red flags pop up each time, your nervous system will eventually calm down because over time it won’t associate phones with anxiety anymore. The guy i married now has his phone on the bed sometimes when he leaves the room to use the bathroom or take a shower. I’ve never dealt with cheating in my past relationships so I’ve never told him I need to see his phone, and without me saying anything to him, I realized sometimes he leaves his phone right where I could easily reach it, AND I have his password. But you know what? Because he does this, I’ve never once in my life even had the urge to look through his phone. If he had something to hide, he wouldn’t leave it in my reach. So I feel secure in that. I don’t touch my husbands phone until he hands it to me.

But in turn; you also shouldnt go through someone else’s phone. Trust me if they’re cheating one day it will come out and you’ll get small hints without going through their phone. I promise.

Yes.. its a phobia that you need to work on else it will remain in you forever. What you did is called Invasion of Privacy for each of us have this policing mentality that we have to bring others into our control. It's a complex that would make you suspicious about everything and everyone.

It may help to see a psychologist.

New person. New experiences.

Well not everyone cheats and to hold that against a new person is wrong and bad because before you get to know them you already think they might cheat on me? The is why you need to wait and get your ex out of your system before letting someone else in.

Èdit: my phone went flat half way through this, so its not placed wjere its meant to be.
@in10RjFox i get that you seem excited about this exchange, but youre kinda rambling.
Surgery isnt similar to psychology.
We arent cutting anything out...
...in fact, its dangerous to try and "cut" something out of someones memories and psychological process.
I feel you are making leaps with your analogies that arent jumpable.

But you are close when you say we can only advise ourselves.
And that's part of what therapists do .... they help people through an emotional thought process to come to those realisations [i]themselves[/i], which is cruicial.

It is the same with people who have a mental disability. To learn, they [i]must[/i] make the firsr neural leap themselves . Its imperative they do this to be able to continue.

And this is what a therapist does - nudge them along to that process.
We dont alarm them with negative thoughts, extremes or encourage driving their state deeper.

And to my knowledge of you, you arent an accredited, professional therapist. (I may be wrong).


Its always an exciting exchange with you . I know you will prolly never accept new thoughts that arent your own, but i do hope.
Time does change people.
So at least i [i]can[/i] plant seeds of thought in your head, that hopefully, you will grow .

And please remember: be gentle with others. Their problems are VERY real and pertinent to them.
Softly softly is the qay to help someone heal.

PS. And if you use my words in anything you write, that is up to you .
But they will always be [b]my [/b] words, not yours .
They will have been stolen.
And you will always know that.🤷‍♀️

you must see a psychiatrist. i have gone through same experience and it took two years to overcome

I wonder, for you, how deep this feeling goes.

The reason I say this is....why were you looking on his phone in the first place?
Was there distrust already?
Phones are usually considered private property unless otherwise agreed upon.

It's sad he betrayed you. And yes, the anxiety will last until you free yourself from it.
Life IS chance.
You never know if this will happen again, (which is unfortunate l, but a reality).

Th ecore thing here is to love yourself enough, that you have the strength to cope with it - to not end up feeling destroyed by their betrayal.
Which isn't an easy thing to do .
And....it'll take a quite while to do that.

So build up your heart for [i]yourself[/i]. Know you inner worth

I hope you get over this .💜

Edit: also , you are young. Which is good.
It means you will have time for many more experiences which may overide this one.

Sometimes it's just about being brave, and "getting back on the horse" as they say .

Don't let one experience stop you from trying again.

Only if you let them

yup, have fun