Will my betrayal trauma carry into my new relationship?

My ex cheated on my and I found out on his phone. Whenever I see my ex and his phone I cry and shake and get kind of an anxiety type feeling. Will these feelings carry themselves into a new relationship with someone else? When I see other peoples phones now will I feel the same way? How can I work on this?

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OogieBoogie · F

I wonder, for you, how deep this feeling goes.

The reason I say this is....why were you looking on his phone in the first place?
Was there distrust already?
Phones are usually considered private property unless otherwise agreed upon.

It's sad he betrayed you. And yes, the anxiety will last until you free yourself from it.
Life IS chance.
You never know if this will happen again, (which is unfortunate l, but a reality).

Th ecore thing here is to love yourself enough, that you have the strength to cope with it - to not end up feeling destroyed by their betrayal.
Which isn't an easy thing to do .
And....it'll take a quite while to do that.

So build up your heart for [i]yourself[/i]. Know you inner worth

I hope you get over this .💜

Edit: also , you are young. Which is good.
It means you will have time for many more experiences which may overide this one.

Sometimes it's just about being brave, and "getting back on the horse" as they say .

Don't let one experience stop you from trying again.

Fifidog · 26-30, F

@OogieBoogie that’s true. Why are phones considered such private property though? All the couples I know that are going strong and not cheating are happy to share their devices with each other.

OogieBoogie · F

@Fifidog well they are inidivually used, (mostly), like a wallet i suppose. They carry personal information .

But your observation about couples consentingly sharing their phones and freely using each others devices is considered a sign of trust and openness in a relationahip.
But then, so is trusting a partner so much you dont need to use their phone.🤷‍♀️

I have read that becoming posessive and secretive about ones phone is considered one of the first signs of possible infidelity.

And sadly, in this case, you found out he was.

But it doesnt mean the next one will be.
Maybe use this experience as a learning experience: if your next partner is secretive with his phone, recognise it as a red flag.