Will my betrayal trauma carry into my new relationship?

My ex cheated on my and I found out on his phone. Whenever I see my ex and his phone I cry and shake and get kind of an anxiety type feeling. Will these feelings carry themselves into a new relationship with someone else? When I see other peoples phones now will I feel the same way? How can I work on this?

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OogieBoogie · F

Èdit: my phone went flat half way through this, so its not placed wjere its meant to be.
@in10RjFox i get that you seem excited about this exchange, but youre kinda rambling.
Surgery isnt similar to psychology.
We arent cutting anything out...
...in fact, its dangerous to try and "cut" something out of someones memories and psychological process.
I feel you are making leaps with your analogies that arent jumpable.

But you are close when you say we can only advise ourselves.
And that's part of what therapists do .... they help people through an emotional thought process to come to those realisations [i]themselves[/i], which is cruicial.

It is the same with people who have a mental disability. To learn, they [i]must[/i] make the firsr neural leap themselves . Its imperative they do this to be able to continue.

And this is what a therapist does - nudge them along to that process.
We dont alarm them with negative thoughts, extremes or encourage driving their state deeper.

And to my knowledge of you, you arent an accredited, professional therapist. (I may be wrong).

Its always an exciting exchange with you . I know you will prolly never accept new thoughts that arent your own, but i do hope.
Time does change people.
So at least i [i]can[/i] plant seeds of thought in your head, that hopefully, you will grow .

And please remember: be gentle with others. Their problems are VERY real and pertinent to them.
Softly softly is the qay to help someone heal.

PS. And if you use my words in anything you write, that is up to you .
But they will always be [b]my [/b] words, not yours .
They will have been stolen.
And you will always know that.🤷‍♀️

in10RjFox · M

@OogieBoogie [quote]you arent an accredited, professional therapist. (I may be wrong).[/quote]

Pioneers don't go for accreditation as what I do is my own research and development in philosophy and psychology. And when you read my replies it will always be concise and wholesome and I don't show mercy to the greed, undue expectations or possessiveness inherent in the approach of a person. And I gauge how complex a character is from the way they write and then treat accordingly.

And many suffer due to their own deed or misunderstanding.. and not because I write.

OogieBoogie · F

@in10RjFox so ...you're single handedly pioneering hundreds of years of research by yourself, instantly judging others by a paragraph, and then punish them?

Thats harsh man.
And pretty pessimisticly and egotistically presumtive.

You cant judge others pain or misery by your experience. Every persons life and experience is relative to them.
What you may find trivial, they may not. If a child loses their favourite teddy bear - its devistating to them, whereas you maoe think its of little importance.

I get you may think its all a matter of "toughen up princess". But have you ever considered that you only hold this view because its what you were taught? Because its how you learnt to deal with pain?

You mentioned karma before.
Be careful dude.... you just might get it.
Go gently into the heart. Beating at it only causes it to shut down.

in10RjFox · M

@OogieBoogie [quote]Surgery isnt similar to psychology.
We arent cutting anything out...[/quote]

This is the difference between you and me. You are used to calling a spade a spade. But I juxtapose or cross apply terms to explain the invisible for a better understanding.

Yes.. there is "cutting into" in psychology which is also known as interrogation, where we open up the soul and fix. Similar to holistic, allopathic, ayurvedic approach for body healing, the same applies to soul healing. There is treatment of symptoms and leave the big inside and there is debugging of the bug ignoring the patient's scream.. and there is holistic approach to aid in self healing.

OogieBoogie · F

@in10RjFox hahahaha....no there isnt .🤣
You [i]think[/i] there is, but there isnt .
And yeah, you and i [i]are [/i] VERY different 😂
On that, i can agree.

in10RjFox · M

@OogieBoogie [quote]instantly judging others by a paragraph, and then punish them?[/quote]

It's not punishing but treating. I see the Rest of what you wrote as from your own bitter experiences in life.

OogieBoogie · F

@in10RjFox ah man, judging again i see.
But since you like judging and brutal, here goes.

You treat others as you were treated. You were told to toughen up, don't cry, get over it.
It shut your heart down .
It made you feel so shamed for feeling, you gave up.

Its why polygamy has become a choice for you.
Someone doesn't fit your ideal, or there is conflict -.you walk away. You find solace in someone else because you never learnt to work through your own pain, you were told to shut it down - so you do .
Then you move on .
Never dealing with it .
Being "tough"
Wiping over any discomfort with someone shiny and new.

Never being gentle...not even with yourself.
Coz you dont know how.

And now you spread that disease to others to justify your coping mechanism as 'right'.

Becuase.....it hurts you too much to be wrong.

in10RjFox · M

@OogieBoogie check this post and you will know how different I am .. 😉

https://similarworlds.com/internet/online-relationship/4721498-Im-game-with-the-right-person-I-have-had-a-few-over-the

OogieBoogie · F

@in10RjFox honestly, after saying such awful things, im done.

Im off to regret saying what i did, and the stupid choice of anger that made me do it.

I dont like cruel people.
And i dont like me when i let cruel people get to me.

And i dont know why i let you get to me .

I dont want to know you . Your brutality reminds me of other brutal people i have known.
Any post about you will be you selectively saying what you want about you.

The best way to know someone is to experience them, not read some resumé.
Itll prove nothing, except what you [i]project[/i] of yourself.

And more to the point -.i don't want to. I am dissapointed enough at the the moment in myself, without needing to be dissapointed in another.

in10RjFox · M

@OogieBoogie [quote]Its why polygamy has become a choice for you.[/quote]

😀😀 Do you know something.. that I am totally against gamy itself be it mono or bi or poly .. and I am striving to end this culture and bad habit inflicted into humanity. And just launched my book to help the same sex folks who are struggling to gain a family status around the world.

in10RjFox · M

@OogieBoogie [quote]Im off to regret saying what i did, and the stupid choice of anger that made me do it.[/quote]

Yes . It was that anger that has caused your outburst.. so question its root cause and you will be okay.

👋👋

OogieBoogie · F

@in10RjFox i mentioned its root cause.
I accept it and know it and realise i gave into it. I understand why i gave into being nasty back at you.
And that makes me feel bad.

The thing is ....you dont of yours.
You justify it.
You revel in it.
It makes you feel good.
It makes you laugh.
It gives you pleasure.

And ive seen that too many times before.
I even reverted to that mode for a while years back....so i get how it makes one feel.

But it doesnt make it right.