How did you go about starting over after divorce?

I've never been married but have been in two LTR's that fell apart. In the first one my ex cheated on me but at the same time I take responsibility for taking the relationship for granted. She'd wanted to get married very early on, I could never do it. 15 yrs we were together than three great kids (all adults now).

Second one was totally different and lasted 5 yrs. Both attracted by our wierdnesses, but things started to go bad when we decided on having a child together and the path that took led to complete isolation once the pregnancy happened and her ultra-toxic narcissism came to the surface which destroyed all my trust in her and I left her the day before my 50th birthday when our daughter (who's now 7.5) was just over 1 y/o.

I've never been in a relationship since that lasted. She tried one, and I did too, and she's still single now like me.

The only thing I can say is that the feelings of bitterness and depression will go away with time. I don't have any friends or any female-style friend circle so I deal with all of my issues basically by myself and I have to reach extremes before I can ask for help. My second ex is totally ultra-social so the complete opposite in that respect.

I focus 100 pct on my daughter (and my adult kids but they're self-sufficient now) and will not sacrifice time with her to go on dates or have intimate sexual relationships unless the person(s) I date, etc. accepts me and my daughter as a package deal. That's almost impossible in single women my age who almost universally demand a man be totally unencumbered by work or family to be able to give 100 pct of his time (and money!) towards a romantic relationship where everything else is not relevant. Modern women epitomise the 666-rule of dating almost universally (based on my experiences of trying to date in the last 5 or so years).

Heavy stuff!

Hubby dumped me, due to lifestyle differences, and then there was a period of time where I thought that I was on solid ground with someone but it turned unstable.

Then I just found myself in the view of this stunning creature. Someone that I wasn't expecting. Hit me hard. She was a lesbian.

4 wonderful years, 1 lovely year, 1 so-so year and we split up, by my hands. Very hard.

Cue more frogs being kissed, unsuccessfully.

Some 6-8 years later I (literally!) bumped into that woman again. Same feelings. Like being slapped around the head with a bloody big fish!

Long story short, we felt the same, started dating, got married (as soon as it was legal), had a child together and...boom! That's the last 11 or 12 years.

So...have faith...don't go looking...it will find you.....

🥰

SJD x

I appreciate everyone sharing their experiences these the past two days. It was a lot more than I initially expected. Even though we have anonymity, it isn't always easy talking about these things sometimes.

While advice was submitted with positive intention, I should have specified more on wanting to hear stories over advice. At this point, for me, its about redefining life perspectives and prospects. And that's something that's 100% on me.

Thanks for reading, strangers.

My ex and I had no assets nor much money so the divorce was simple. Neither of us was in any worse shape than before. Basically we just went about our own lives.

I was really depressed in the weeks leading up to the divorce... long story short, the day after everything was said and done and I woke up alone, I felt a sense of freedom that I have never felt in my life.

It was a cold day in February but the sun was bright, things were quiet, and I just felt like the world belonged to ME that day. Never again would I be nagged about how I want to live nor would I have to clean up after someone else.

I did date a few different people a couple years after divorce but nothing long term. I just do not want my life disrupted. I like to live a certain way and taking on someone else's baggage doesn't fit into my lifestyle.

You will be surprised at how quickly life becomes fun and peaceful again after divorce.

The problem I see here is your attitude. Most of us early in life do not know what love marriage is all about and just follow tradition and then blame other factors that had nothing to do with it.

If you say it's rarity finding decent people, you are not an exception either to the other.

Now that you have the experience in life and know what you seek in love or marriage and establish it clearly upfront. Hope you know it's so easy to come to an agreement using emails instead of oral promises that is not documented.

Create rather than expecting. If starting and ending is acceptable to you, so it's acceptable to many. Be open with an exit plan of how your partner can end the relationship.

No use asking others for relationships depend on your perspective to life. There is no one size fits all.

Or instead of looking for one.. look for as many. You have the age to your advantage. Solidify your proposal and you will see things happen your way. Bear is mind women look for stability in their partner and not someone who dilly dallies.

For some time i stayed on my own. Then after a few years i started dating but after a few failed attempts i gave up. After 18 years alone she walked into my life and we have been together 20 years

I tried dating after I got divorced and it didn't go well for me. Everything changed from when I met my ex husband. People were rude, creepy and selfish. I met a guy that ended up being abusive and now I'm trying to heal.

I was 31-32 when I got divorced. I thought for sure I'd meet someone kind who would love my son and I. I was so naive.

I don't know what the future holds for me, but I'd caution anyone dating these days to be careful.

After my second divorce I did a lot of dating around. Met a really cool lady. We were together three yrs then split. Dated a few more before meeting my current gf. We have been together for 7 yrs. She is all the things I wanted in a lady. Smart, funny, beautiful, caring, etc.

She took the furniture. Next day i walked down the street and some folks were having a moving sale. Same couch! Plus i got a lamp and a coffee table. $50 and they delivered it. Next day she dropped by to gloat or something and nearly swallowed her teeth. The living room looked the same.

As for relationships...I joined some groups at church. Met Kristin and the current gf.

I ended up alone and will very likely remain that way. It was a challenge to come to terms with that and sometimes it's still very difficult. But, getting older alone beats the alternative of not getting older. At least so far.

Keep moving forward. Work out what you were missing in your first marriage and aim to find someone with those qualities.

I was pretty surprised how easy divorce was with my ex. The only thing we had together was our son.

Just concentrate on your mental, financial and physical fitness. Success mends heartbreak.

Not a divorce but widowed. I took a year before I did any real dating

You do it like everything else, run with your head down. I plan on getting engaged this year, been divorced since 2003.