If this makes folks mad, sorry. It’s been bugging me since there was a conversation about it…

I want to share a story from an experience from childhood about that word.

I grew up in a small town in Nevada. One day, my brother, his friend, and I were cracking and eating filbert nuts (the big ones that have a black shell) as we were eating them, I said something that to this day I cringe about, "These are called n****r toes." My brother's friend just left.

I did not know or understand at the time why he left or why that word was bad. it was what I heard my dad call them. I did not know.

My brother's friends mother came over to our house and talked to me. You see, my brother's friend was black, and one of two black families living in our town at the time. I was 6 and my brother and his friend were 4. She explained to me and the rest of my siblings just how hurtful and degrading that word is.

I remember crying, not that Laura, the mother, was angry, but that I could say something so repulsive without knowing "the rest of the story''. My father apologized to her, I apologized to her and her son. I felt shame.

Through the years after that incident, I became hyper aware of just how horribly people treated others. Even my native and Mexican relative/friends were treated horrible. I didn't notice before that incident.

Laura became a guiding light for me, I learned many things from her and her family, by observation and inclusiveness, I became an ally.

She was a strong and an incredible woman! And very, very, brave, the way she protected her son from such a repulsive word, by coming to our house and telling us the truth behind that word. And this was in the early 70's.

I'm of the same position. I wish it would be erased from people's lexicons. I'm mixed myself yet I wouldn't be caught dead saying it, and I find it nauseating when its modified variant ends up in music, etc. I'll roll my eyes when black people say it. It drips of ignorance when they say it, and when people outside that group say it, it trespasses overtly into malicious territory.

No, I agree! so many names need a delete. Many... I'm mixed race so in my mixed race soul, I have a list.

Thanks for your input. Personally, I don't know why anyone even argues the merit of the word.

I carry labels myself that can be ugly and hateful - we all do. Why anyone would tread the ground of insults is beyond me. We're polite enough in society not to feed guests food they're allergic to but not to avoid speech that conjures centuries of pain.

I share your hated of this word. Obviously it wasn't part of my personal experience growing up being a "suburban white girl" but I had a grandfather who would not allow any person or group or people to be disparaged in his presence. He believed strongly in the uniqueness of us all and the inherent value of us all. And he enforced that throughout our "clan".

I think we all have a tendency to want to understand the world around us. And in doing so, we often try to fit our observations into neat little boxes with labels on them. "This is me and my people" ... "That is you and your people." This is so dangerous. And I believe it is the genesis of racism and bigotry. 😔

I don't agree with or understand the use of such offensive language. I hate that such offensive language gets used and encouraged at times. It just continues a bad cycle, I think. :/

Growing up, I understood that several of my friends would sometimes use offensive racial terms towards themselves or others in a way to either be self deprecating, defensive, take the power out of the word, or get a reaction out of someone...because that's what comedians and sports figures and musicians and other role models of the time were doing

I was always a bit of a mama figure to my friends, even as a teenager and would point out if I thought a comment was out of line, or say "You're a proud black/Latino/etc and you are an awesome person, etc, go show'em what you can do" or would ignore it if a racial slur was directed at me. Didn't know what else to do.

I hope someday racial hate and such offensive language will end. Because it just doesn't make sense and it's wrong. :/

I agree it should just be forgotten about whether you are black, white or more.

I [i]hate[/i] the word and [i]never[/i] use it.

I can't help but think some black people try to take the word back in attempt to weaponize it against whites. Like, I remember what you did! But, what they are doing is retraumatizing themselves and also allowing others to think it's OK to use it (They don't have a problem with it so I'll continue to say it). 😕

I don't think it's healthy and I don't think it's moving us in the right direction.

I don't know another race or nationality who uses disparaging words to represent themselves?

I never use racial slurs of any kind. And yes there are many. Italians ... Whops, Germans krauts and so forth.

I just don't like degrading others.

basically that word no matter who uses it and there ethic persuasion is classed as an offensive racist comment [bijouxbroussard]

I’d love the word to simply vanish from the world’s collective consciousness. The most uncomfortable moment of my life was when my black/Filipina GF asked me what the N-word actually was. After dancing around saying it by trying to get her to realize what it was for herself, I finally had to to just say it. Talk about awkward and cringy 😣

I never use that word and neither does my bf (he's biracial). He doesn't even like it when it's in a song. I mean we both take it with a grain of salt, because you hear it a lot in hip hop, but neither of us use it.

I've often often wondered why anyone who [i]isn't[/i] racist would want to or even [b]wonder[/b] why it isn't 'okay' for [i]them[/i] to use it, too. I realized it was an ugly, demeaning word for black people when I was a child, and that fact has surely not changed.

[quote]But I don’t understand why anyone who isn’t black and doesn’t see him or herself as a racist would want to use a word with such an ugly history attached to it ? [/quote]

And that's it for me. I don't even need anything else to be explained. It's baffling why anyone would desire to use the word and the reasoning is "well you call yourselves that". It shows racist intent, lack of understanding and compassion.

I’ve got one particular friend who usually greets me with “my n*****” followed by a hug. He very rarely uses the word with anybody else. I’ve never asked him but, I think I know why he greets me in this way.

Makes me cringe every bloody time.

It’s a horrid word

It is a stupid ugly word no matter who uses it. And so is "y'all," no matter who uses it.

It could be that they use it to illustrate and personalize the struggle their race was put through for the last 100 + years ? But no matter their reasons, there is no reason for anyone other than them to use it as any kind of denominational adjective.

its like a Back guy calling another black guy Brother , but from a white or Caucasian male it seems a bad word to use , like a low life black guy from the Ghettos that might steal your stereo and sell it for Drugs

Yeh im with you and makes perfect sense

I don't see the logic if it's offensive it's offensive this "pass" that people talk about doesn't make sense to me. If you directly call a black person the N word out of disrespect it's a racist gesture. If you do a handshake and say "what's up my N" is only racist if you don't have the pass?

To answer your question: possibly because if a person is angry enough to want to cause hurt/pain, and they know that word will cause hurt and pain. People will often use words in anger precisely because they are the most hurtful words, not because they really believe in the meaning behind the word.

I have similar experiences with the P-Word, which of course does not carry the oppression of the n-word but is still a word used to offend, abuse and subjugate a race.

I have argued the case that this word is offensive and had people tell me it is not. They will excuse it to be like saying Aussie, and i will say it is not and should not be used.

If a someone says a word is offensive we should learn and understand why. If people continue to use it then they do not care and are being racist.

I think its about the tone and sentiment.. because basically the word just means black or was slang for someone from Nigeria.. but if someone is using the word in a derogatory, condescending and or hateful way then it’s offensive and not appreciated ..

Newsflash
Being racist is NOT, repeat, NOT exclusive to white people.

I'm a white dude and [i]I[/i] have been called that. Whatevs. I don't use the word, too many bad vibes attached to it.

I find it's just easiest to view the word as a profanity. It's never okay to use it in polite society, and people who do just weren't raised better.

The word is so bad that I don’t understand why anyone would choose to use it. I wish it would just stay in the past. I am sorry you had to explain this though.

Honestly I don't even use it. It's wild how some light skin Hispanics get a pass in saying it. To me, it's a word that can be left in the past.