If this makes folks mad, sorry. It’s been bugging me since there was a conversation about it…

Someone wanted to know why, since some black people use the "n-word", everyone can’t without being identified as a racist. The short answer is easy: racists are [b]still[/b] using it.

But I don’t understand why anyone who isn’t black and doesn’t see him or herself as a racist would [b]want[/b] to use a word with such an ugly history attached to it ?

As to why some black people use it among themselves (I don’t), I know the reasoning. I don’t [b]agree[/b] with it, but I know what it is: supposedly using the word takes the "power" out of it. Newsflash: it [b]doesn’t[/b]. And that’s why the popular wisdom is, you can’t use it if you’ve never been [b]called[/b] it (in a disparaging way) yourself.

Personally, I [b]hate[/b] the word, and I wish everyone would delete it from their vocabularies. It will never mean what some people want to make it mean—not [b]any[/b] form of it.

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WalksWith · 56-60, F Best Comment

I want to share a story from an experience from childhood about that word.

I grew up in a small town in Nevada. One day, my brother, his friend, and I were cracking and eating filbert nuts (the big ones that have a black shell) as we were eating them, I said something that to this day I cringe about, "These are called n****r toes." My brother's friend just left.

I did not know or understand at the time why he left or why that word was bad. it was what I heard my dad call them. I did not know.

My brother's friends mother came over to our house and talked to me. You see, my brother's friend was black, and one of two black families living in our town at the time. I was 6 and my brother and his friend were 4. She explained to me and the rest of my siblings just how hurtful and degrading that word is.

I remember crying, not that Laura, the mother, was angry, but that I could say something so repulsive without knowing "the rest of the story''. My father apologized to her, I apologized to her and her son. I felt shame.

Through the years after that incident, I became hyper aware of just how horribly people treated others. Even my native and Mexican relative/friends were treated horrible. I didn't notice before that incident.

Laura became a guiding light for me, I learned many things from her and her family, by observation and inclusiveness, I became an ally.

She was a strong and an incredible woman! And very, very, brave, the way she protected her son from such a repulsive word, by coming to our house and telling us the truth behind that word. And this was in the early 70's.

Graylight · 51-55, F

@WalksWith God, for more people like that. It was a difficult lesson, but it was learned well because of the way it was taught.

Ignorance is among the most forgivable trespasses. Allowing it to continue knowing the difference is unconscionable. Thank you for sharing; it's how we all learn.

bijouxbroussard · F

@WalksWith I’m glad that she took the time to explain it to you and that it didn’t damage your friendship. Children are innocent and simply repeat what they hear. They have to learn about the hatred behind it to recognize it.

I’ve spoken a lot here about my godson. His parents, two of my closest friends, are an interracial couple, he’s native Chumash and she’s Irish born, emigrated here when she was 20. Their second child, whom I’ve watched grow up, is one of my favorite people.

I’ve enjoyed watching him learn about his world, and his open, loving personality is both who he is and the result of the way his parents and extended family (including me, I hope) have been with him.

WalksWith · 56-60, F

@bijouxbroussard

Thank you for BA, Madam, Bijouxbroussard!