Do we need people pleasing abilities? At least a little?
I quit people pleasing all together. I used to enjoy making others happy until it cost me too much. People used me up. Since I stopped, nobody wants anything to do with me anymore.
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Mmhmm, once you stop catering to others you realize who actually cares for you and who was just using you. When I decided it was time to focus on my own happiness instead of compromising it to feed the happiness of others I lost an embarrassing number of “friends” and family and the degrees of loneliness from that…it tinkered with some pretty heavy demons within. I stuck to my guns though knowing how easily people can take advantage of someone who would rather have “love” over boundaries. Being that person fed those demons even more. But I’ve been able to fall into some genuine healthy relationships with those who don’t require anything damaging to my soul from me and who don’t make me feel like I’m anything less than remarkable when I’m less than perfect. I’ve been able to find a nice mix of wearing a mask here and there when I’m ugh and saying no more, as well as saying yes to myself and letting the true me be seen and loved more without questioning its genuinity because I wasn’t compromising myself for the benefit of other’s approval. Your people…your true people will come. Trust the process.
@PerfectionOfTheHeart Thank you so much your thoughtful genuine reply. Wow. Thank you for this beautiful insight and wisdom as well. I will remain strong and trust the process 🖤
Frostcloud · F
@Frostcloud Agreed. There must be some balance, I don't know what it is. I'm still kind, but my boundaries are strong and I'm honest about it. For that, people have no use for me.
GeistInTheMachine · 31-35, M
@Frostcloud Yeah. It leads to empathy burnout.
GeistInTheMachine · 31-35, M
@MarbleMarvel More like you don't have more use for certain people anymore! Know your worth or others will brainwash you into believing you are worthless in order to take from you and enslave your soul.
GeistInTheMachine · 31-35, M
@GeistInTheMachine so that's just the end of relationships with other people in real life? I won't bleed out for them when they wouldn't piss down my throat if my neck was on fire? So that's it? 😂 It's not funny, but it kinda is.
GeistInTheMachine · 31-35, M
@MarbleMarvel After what I have been through, all that trauma for years, all the betrayal, it's tough to say. Sometimes I am emotionally unavailable. Other times I am guarded. Other times I long for something real but what is available and attainable? That's the question. I know I have to rely on myself and my goals. If someone wants to come along with me, good. If no one does, I will find who and what I need along the way. I am no longer playing the attachment game with folks.
Too many Treacherous rats! If that makes me bitter, I don't care. It's not about holding a grudge or being vengeful - it's about holding my own in a world on fire; which was set ablaze by the same sorts of narcs who persecuted me to begin with!
Too many Treacherous rats! If that makes me bitter, I don't care. It's not about holding a grudge or being vengeful - it's about holding my own in a world on fire; which was set ablaze by the same sorts of narcs who persecuted me to begin with!
LadyGrace · 70-79
Since I stopped, nobody wants anything to do with me anymore.
Good. Who needs fake friends? Honesty is the best policy. We weren't born to be people pleasers.
It's called being true to yourself and loving yourself enough to be free to be genuine and honest.
Tumbleweed · F
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Tumbleweed · F
@MarbleMarvel You are exactly like me, trust me, I absolutely feel everything you just said.
Tumbleweed · F
@MarbleMarvel the only way I find balance is to say & do & be exactly who & what I am and, yes, I've had to defend myself and yes, I've had to apologize a few times but I trust my gut to tell me when enough is enough from me...
@Tumbleweed thank you 🖤
Justmeraeagain · 56-60, F
We need to show, courtesy and basic respect,in my opinion.
Basic respect is not bending over backwards or walking on eggshells it's just treating people like a human being that you don't automatically treat with disdain,ridicule, or anger.
I think being kind, helping others, and being pleasant makes the world more tolerable to live in.
Not everybody is going to do that,I get that.
But, a tooth for a tooth and and eye for eye makes for a chaotic unpleasant world to live in.
When people treat you bad,you then know who not to trust, no need to stoop down, just take notes and avoid,be neutral with them if you have to interact with them.
If not then let them go, they are not a friend nor an asset to you.
Basic respect is not bending over backwards or walking on eggshells it's just treating people like a human being that you don't automatically treat with disdain,ridicule, or anger.
I think being kind, helping others, and being pleasant makes the world more tolerable to live in.
Not everybody is going to do that,I get that.
But, a tooth for a tooth and and eye for eye makes for a chaotic unpleasant world to live in.
When people treat you bad,you then know who not to trust, no need to stoop down, just take notes and avoid,be neutral with them if you have to interact with them.
If not then let them go, they are not a friend nor an asset to you.
WillaKissing · 56-60
@pripyatamusementpark is there any other way? 😔 That's amazing you've figured it out. I'm still recovering from being disappointed people can't be nice to each other.
@MarbleMarvel I've done nothing remarkable...I just got burnt out and snapped one day and decided I was done being a doormat
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@MarbleMarvel you are definitely not a wimp ! Especially, all you have been through