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My boyfriend turned out to be a metal head completely obsessed with these bands

I am 43 year old recently divorced woman. I have a son.



I moved here in this small predominantly white town about a year ago. I moved here because is very near my son's boarding school. About 10 months ago i started dating this 47 year old divorced guy. He is white. He lives with his two teenage daughters. He wears flannels and work jeans. He has guns. I hate all of it. I hate the flannels on him, I hate having a gun around, and I hate the rustic camping he loves. But he is great in bed. Me and my bf are almost the same height. He's maybe a 0.5"-1" taller then me. Makes everything just so convenient. Matched sizes work great for sex, hugging, kissing and play wrestling. On high heels i am taller than him. He loves it . He loves Heavy Metal. He is blasting Metallica, Pantera, Skid Row, Motley Crue, Megadeth. He is always headbanging. I love R n B music. Now that I think about it he was buttering me up to metal from the start, like he'd put down hints he likes it and I'd occasionally see him listening to it, then he'd talk to me about it more often and the great bands and have me listen to some stuff

His mancave is just filled with Metallica, Pantera, Megadeth, Skid Row, Motley Crue, Iron Maiden, Judas Priest, Warrant, Winger, W.A.S.P Poison , Alice Cooper G n R, Aerosmith, like the walls are covered in posters, there's boxes of CDs, he has an electric guitar on the wall. It hit me like a god damn. It is like a shrine dedicated to these bands, honestly I was a bit freaked out but I tried to ignore it.
But I swear it's like the only thing he thinks about when he has free time, he always has heavy metal playing on a speaker, he's always singing (loudly) to some CD, he's constantly telling me about the history of some song or it's meanings. Granted I like him but it's driving me insane!
Please advise, I'm just so awestruck I don't even know how I'm supposed to react. He is a 47 year old man for Christ's sake!
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carpediem · M
You BF seems like a guy who is being true to himself. That’s an admirable trait. If you can’t accept him for the person he is, you don’t deserve him. Move on. He’s not going to change. And he shouldn’t. A man with his attributes won’t have any problem finding a partner who accepts him.
So he's 47 and grew up liking music you don't.

And...? You think his taste in music should now be Lawrence Welk?
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LaLa81 · 41-45, F
@SomeMichGuy Thanks. Thanks for your amazing advice. Sometimes a little harsh but what needs to be heard. I love him I really do. He tells me he loves me and I know he does. He says he's tired of the head games. I can see how it wears him out and it makes me feel horrible. Heavy metal is something major in his life and what he needs is support, not his crazy girlfriend flipping out at him over his passion for these bands. Pathetic right? I've given myself panic attacks over nothing really. It's almost a control thing like, "He needs to do this for me so I know he loves me." He's always so reassuring and he's been so patient with me.
@LaLa81 Well...thank you for such huge compliments.

I am honored to have any words I write be of any positive use to others; and you accepted even harsher-soundingwords with graciousness.

Thank you.

And you know that I wish you and he happiness, however that looks for you--together or not. It's like talking with applicants to college and telling them that they want to be at the school which is right for THEM, not a great school for someone ELSE.
sounds like my kida guy... 🤘
Dirtyboyy67 · 56-60, M
SumKindaMunster · 56-60, M
@TheOneyouwerewarnedabout Exactly...I was thinking the same...he on here? Maybe he knows some cool bands I never heard of....
[media=https://www.instagram.com/reel/C_epdTCpB0S/?igsh=d3I0MTU5dHZrOTJj]
Penny · 46-50, F
seems pretty lame tbh imo but at least he seems happy to be into his music. justthink though, would you still like him if he couldnt get it up and there was no sex? if that isnt the case i'd make a speedy exit. (i mean yeah if hes a pleaser type he might be willing to do other stuff besides intercourse but still...) would you still like him without the sex? it sounds terrible to me lol. to be subjected to music trivia all the time. especially from bands you dont like.
NickyLee · 41-45
@LaLa81 maybe not to the same extent that your boyfriend has, but I do have a room with my drums in it, thats covered in band posters and concert memorabilia that I've either had or collected since I was a kid.
NickyLee · 41-45
@Penny that makes sense. I wouldn't ever force anyone to listen to only the music I like or would prefer to listen to. I am a fan of music in general and can listen to and appreciate different genres, so typically I am able to easily compromise whenever Im in a situation where thats needed.
Lopaka55 · 61-69, M
@LaLa81 couldn't you age regress him and then raise him properly? 😎
Zaphod42 · 51-55, M
People like what they like. I’m 50 and dig some metal. Of course I also like Kpop, hip hop, jazz, and a ton of other genres.

But, that aside, either learn to at least tolerate his likes, or move on. No point in staying in a relationship where you hate everything about him except his height and his penis 🤷‍♂
SW-User
He sounds like a teenage boy ..
He doesn't sound like a man
LaLa81 · 41-45, F
@SW-User Exactly. I thinks that what I needed to hear, thank you !
SW-User
@LaLa81 you just described my 16 yr old son 😂
Oh wow you can do better!
SumKindaMunster · 56-60, M
@SatyrService Over a tried n' true, grim n' grimy, gloom n' doomy, down n' dirty metalhead?????

Sir, I beg to differ
@SumKindaMunster
And in fact, having learn more about that situation you are correct. I myself I’m very fond of metal so I like to tease people that it’s just surf rock with distortion. Plus Lil opera
Jessmari · 46-50, T
I mean you found a lumberjack. He tosses log, metal expert, and will survive the zombie apocalypse. Sounds like you're set.
Well that's what he likes.
Quimliqer · 70-79, MVIP
Age doesn’t mean anything!!
Dshhh · M
how di you even come to be with him?
Queen Like you? needs more
music says a lot,
i run two clubs, I got some ideas
It sounds like you don't like him enough to have a relationship with him.
LaLa81 · 41-45, F
@Spoiledbrat I have a very fulfilling sex life with my boyfriend
SumKindaMunster · 56-60, M
He's way too much man for you and you owe it to him to set him free so he can find they lady headbanger he desperately deserves.
lol...ironically i like most of those bands he listens to and i'm 6 years older than him....but i left that type of headbanging, cd collecting, shrine thing, and all that back in the 80s...good guys can be good at sex too....keep looking
twistedrope · 26-30, M
I wouldn't want to hear very loud music every day all day. I get annoyed by it and will get headaches.

I think its fine to have passion in bands, he's a band nerd forever. And he plays an instrument.
Entwistle · 56-60, M
Why is his skin colour relevant or important?
CrazyMusicLover · 31-35
Terrible match. He should probably find someone as obsessed with heavy metal music as he is. Is sex worth that all?
LaLa81 · 41-45, F
@CrazyMusicLover It is. I have amazing sex with my boyfriend
Donotfolowme · 51-55, F
What do you both do for a living?
LaLa81 · 41-45, F
@Donotfolowme I am a small business owner. He is a woodcraftsman
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LordShadowfire · 46-50, M
I'm sorry, I didn't know there was a maximum age past which we men weren't allowed to enjoy heavy metal.

 
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