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My boyfriend turned out to be a metal head completely obsessed with these bands

I am 43 year old recently divorced woman. I have a son.



I moved here in this small predominantly white town about a year ago. I moved here because is very near my son's boarding school. About 10 months ago i started dating this 47 year old divorced guy. He is white. He lives with his two teenage daughters. He wears flannels and work jeans. He has guns. I hate all of it. I hate the flannels on him, I hate having a gun around, and I hate the rustic camping he loves. But he is great in bed. Me and my bf are almost the same height. He's maybe a 0.5"-1" taller then me. Makes everything just so convenient. Matched sizes work great for sex, hugging, kissing and play wrestling. On high heels i am taller than him. He loves it . He loves Heavy Metal. He is blasting Metallica, Pantera, Skid Row, Motley Crue, Megadeth. He is always headbanging. I love R n B music. Now that I think about it he was buttering me up to metal from the start, like he'd put down hints he likes it and I'd occasionally see him listening to it, then he'd talk to me about it more often and the great bands and have me listen to some stuff

His mancave is just filled with Metallica, Pantera, Megadeth, Skid Row, Motley Crue, Iron Maiden, Judas Priest, Warrant, Winger, W.A.S.P Poison , Alice Cooper G n R, Aerosmith, like the walls are covered in posters, there's boxes of CDs, he has an electric guitar on the wall. It hit me like a god damn. It is like a shrine dedicated to these bands, honestly I was a bit freaked out but I tried to ignore it.
But I swear it's like the only thing he thinks about when he has free time, he always has heavy metal playing on a speaker, he's always singing (loudly) to some CD, he's constantly telling me about the history of some song or it's meanings. Granted I like him but it's driving me insane!
Please advise, I'm just so awestruck I don't even know how I'm supposed to react. He is a 47 year old man for Christ's sake!
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Penny · 46-50, F
seems pretty lame tbh imo but at least he seems happy to be into his music. justthink though, would you still like him if he couldnt get it up and there was no sex? if that isnt the case i'd make a speedy exit. (i mean yeah if hes a pleaser type he might be willing to do other stuff besides intercourse but still...) would you still like him without the sex? it sounds terrible to me lol. to be subjected to music trivia all the time. especially from bands you dont like.
LaLa81 · 41-45, F
@Penny At first, I thought it was kind of funny and endearing , but now it's starting to annoy me. I've tried talking to him about it, but he just tells me that he takes his heavy metal very seriously and that it's important to him. This issue is, he is a groen man, not a teenage boy.

How do I get him to tone it down without hurting his feelings or making him feel like he can't enjoy his weird interests?
Penny · 46-50, F
@LaLa81 dont ever expect to be able to change someone especially a man. futile endeavor. abort relationship abort unless you can picture your life in this relationship until you die forsaking all others lol. (unless you just want to stick around until youre old enough that itd be even harder to find a decent man lol)

eta- assuming youre looking for a life partner
NickyLee · 41-45
@Penny @LaLa81
You both would definitely not like me lol. If it wasnt for the age and height being a little different, i would have thought you were writing about me.

I wish you the best and hope you can somehow find some common ground with each other.
LaLa81 · 41-45, F
@NickyLee so you have your own heavy metal mancave too?
Penny · 46-50, F
@NickyLee nothing wrong with being into metal bands and stuff. its just when youre tastes clash in a romantic relationship can make it tough. my ex used to annoy the hell out of me everyday playing certain songs over and over and over. makes it so the silence and solitude are better. i think musical tastes are like cement in a relationship which can help bond you together or drag you down. i mean, im not into my music so much that i wouldnt tone it down for a partner but this doesnt seem the case in this case.
NickyLee · 41-45
@LaLa81 maybe not to the same extent that your boyfriend has, but I do have a room with my drums in it, thats covered in band posters and concert memorabilia that I've either had or collected since I was a kid.
NickyLee · 41-45
@Penny that makes sense. I wouldn't ever force anyone to listen to only the music I like or would prefer to listen to. I am a fan of music in general and can listen to and appreciate different genres, so typically I am able to easily compromise whenever Im in a situation where thats needed.
Lopaka55 · 61-69, M
@LaLa81 couldn't you age regress him and then raise him properly? 😎