Could use some prayers and good vibes please y'all. I will keep this brief, even though it goes extremely deep and this is just the tip of the Titanic
iceberg. TW: SA and ED.
I just got a call from a nurse, and I immediately knew it was bad. I had done a wellness check-up yesterday for work, and she was calling to tell me my results.
My triglycerides should be 150 or less; they are 927. My glucose should be 100 or less; 427. My cholesterol should be 200 or less; 300.
The nurse kept emphasizing that I "need to live" and was so so very kind. She spent about 30 minutes on the phone just witnessing to my heart as I cried and saying that she knows people care about me, and I need to keep prayed up. I could die from this, she said.
My mother used to ground me from food, and my sister also had anorexia. She put me in Weight Watchers at the age of 12, 5'4", 122 lbs.
Long longggg story short, I was r@p3d of my V, which I was saving for marriage. She said that I had "spread my legs", and set about cleaning up the only evidence I had: blood spot on the bed. She then kicked me out to be homeless.
At this point I no longer cared for myself and I wanted to die. My very first reaction at my first chest pain was glee. I ballooned up to 403lbs, 5'6" by this time.
I tried again, warrior that I am..lost 86 lbs. Ballooned back up again when I got closer to the weight I was when I was r-worded.
Lost 96 lbs AGAIN, on my own..no surgery or GLP-1's. I thought I was doing so much better, and I have been really trying. I had to have a complete hysterectomy due to endometrial cancer due to PCOS..due to weight..already. Got through that.
Then 2 weeks ago I woke up and could barely walk. Now I need an endo, ortho, new pcp, and perhaps a rheumatologist. I don't know how I am going to afford all this, even insured.
I am really struggling with forgiveness right now. I am diseased, childless, and virtually penniless..due to things this woman set in motion.
If anyone can spare a kind word, thank you so much in advance. I am at work (thankfully work from home bc I am crying my eyes out) so may not be able to respond to everyone. But know that it would mean the world.
To make matters worse, it is my best friend's bday today and I could REALLY use a hug, but do not want to burden him with this.
I just got a call from a nurse, and I immediately knew it was bad. I had done a wellness check-up yesterday for work, and she was calling to tell me my results.
My triglycerides should be 150 or less; they are 927. My glucose should be 100 or less; 427. My cholesterol should be 200 or less; 300.
The nurse kept emphasizing that I "need to live" and was so so very kind. She spent about 30 minutes on the phone just witnessing to my heart as I cried and saying that she knows people care about me, and I need to keep prayed up. I could die from this, she said.
My mother used to ground me from food, and my sister also had anorexia. She put me in Weight Watchers at the age of 12, 5'4", 122 lbs.
Long longggg story short, I was r@p3d of my V, which I was saving for marriage. She said that I had "spread my legs", and set about cleaning up the only evidence I had: blood spot on the bed. She then kicked me out to be homeless.
At this point I no longer cared for myself and I wanted to die. My very first reaction at my first chest pain was glee. I ballooned up to 403lbs, 5'6" by this time.
I tried again, warrior that I am..lost 86 lbs. Ballooned back up again when I got closer to the weight I was when I was r-worded.
Lost 96 lbs AGAIN, on my own..no surgery or GLP-1's. I thought I was doing so much better, and I have been really trying. I had to have a complete hysterectomy due to endometrial cancer due to PCOS..due to weight..already. Got through that.
Then 2 weeks ago I woke up and could barely walk. Now I need an endo, ortho, new pcp, and perhaps a rheumatologist. I don't know how I am going to afford all this, even insured.
I am really struggling with forgiveness right now. I am diseased, childless, and virtually penniless..due to things this woman set in motion.
If anyone can spare a kind word, thank you so much in advance. I am at work (thankfully work from home bc I am crying my eyes out) so may not be able to respond to everyone. But know that it would mean the world.
To make matters worse, it is my best friend's bday today and I could REALLY use a hug, but do not want to burden him with this.
41-45, F
